the sacred fire still burns

I've known for a couple of days that my next post would be about spending a couple of days at the Truth and Reconciliation Commission's first event last week.  But I haven't known exactly how to put words to what I was feeling, or what I learned.  (warning - long post ahead!  I hope you'll do more than skim ...)

I had some really neat experiences, because I attended both days with different Residential School survivors.  Some walked down to the Statement Gathering location and made statements.  I was blown away by the sensitivity and priority that was shown to the survivors throughout the whole event. As the emotional support staff were leading one of my friends to the room with the audio recording equipment, he pointed to me and said 'Her - she can come.  She knows me better.'  What an honor!  Over the course of time, my friend and I have had many conversations about his experiences in residential school, and then experiences at all the other institutions that followed....  A certain residential school story about two siblings (a boy and a girl) who came to his school is so revealing.  The pair knew that they were not allowed to speak or interact, but they were seen whispering on the play ground.  They were strapped and then not seen for days.  After a while, they were found in the woods, dead from wounds received at the hands of overzealous disciplinarians.Stories like this are horrible enough when they are removed and impersonal - somehow its different when your friend is telling you about his experience of it.   Yes, this all really happened in Canada. This particular story was right in Manitoba.  And it happened sometime in the early 1970's.  For real.

I was shocked to learn during the event that the mortality rate at residential schools was 24% overall.  One BC school I read about had a 50% mortality rate.  Half the kids who attended that school died.  Brings new meaning to the term 'survivor', doesn't it?  We are accustomed to those kind of third world stats, but these things happened right in our homeland .. you know, the True North - Strong and Free.

I have always been angry about the apathy and complacency of many in the Canadian church about our history.  Now, I feel ready to be more ACTIVE.  Of course, I want to remember that most of all, I am a worshipper and follower of Jesus - not an activist.  Somewhere,  I saw these piercing words - 'there is no one so blind as the one who REFUSES to see.'  Sounds like something Jesus would say - it was certainly revealed through stories about his life.

During the TRC event, I was part of another event with some leaders from a Vineyard church in South Africa .. in Soweto, to be exact.    The Truth and Reconciliation Commission originated in South Africa - Canada is following in their footsteps in this pursuit of genuine restoration.  It was interesting to hear our South African guests talk about the unbelieving and indignant responses of Canadian visitors when confronted with past and present Apartheid realities, while not paying any attention to the First Nations situation 'back home'.  They revealed that they had no qualms about pointing out the inconsistency, fairly begging Canadians to open their eyes.

We went to a rainy early morning ceremony one day.  I was moved by the drummers from the four corners of the earth standing together - Red, Yellow, Black, and White - playing first in turn and then in unison. 

 I see the legacy of Canada's Residential School policy outside my door each and every day.  Today,  I walked down Main St. and saw one of our friends standing in the middle of the busy street, with traffic passing by and honking on each side of him.  Drivers were yelling, swearing.  He just refused to move.  He just stubbornly stood there, solvent rag in hand. In light of my reflections on the TRC, I read his posture and expression to be saying.. 'Notice me.  See me.  STOP.  THINK.  Pay attention, I'm angry, hurting, and not going away.'  I wished I wasn't the only person on the curb shouting above the traffic for him to get off the road and care about himself.  Later that day, he stopped by and gave me a funny little gift.  I hung it on my wall to help me remember to pray for him.

Last night, our doorbell rang.  A young street worker was there, I hadn't met her before.  She had heard that we have beds here, and wondered if she could stay the night.  When we asked how long she wanted to stay, she drunkenly said .. 'forever'.  Instead, we took her down to a shelter, but invited her to get to know us and come by for visits and coffee.  I got to hear some of her story - starting to use crack at age 11, being in care all her life, not knowing how to stop using and start facing....  two days, two tragic stories.  There are resilience stories too - I pray for more and more of those.

Genuine reconciliation requires that we face our denial, and that we do away with the blame game.  It requires participation from those who have been offended and those who have offended. It requires eyes that see. 

That fire pictured at the top of this post burned day and night throughout the entire Winnipeg TRC event.  My prayer is that a sacred flame will stay lit as Canadians and Jesus followers recognize their role in genuine reconciliation.  My prayer is that it will burn strong and bright as we all realize its not too late.  May we realize that Aboriginal leaders are our nations most important 'natural resource'.

* my lovely friend Jess, whose sensitivity I have experienced first-hand, reflects with great insight here

* I introduced myself to Dora Dueck at the event.  She did quite a lot of reflecting on her experience there, too.  Read one of her posts here.

more valid ...

Do you ever feel totally 'invalid' as a person?  Like you mess up more than you contribute, like you're always having things to apologize for and you're always dropping the ball somewhere? 

I feel like that alot!

I had one of those mornings where you wake up and just know in your gut that your alarm hasn't gone off and you're late.  I teach aerobics on Tuesdays at 6:15am and my last task last night was to double check the alarm, but for whatever reason it didn't ring today.  I opened my eyes and thought ... 'its way too light to be earlier than 5:15!'.. then the mad scramble to get in touch with someone and tell them the 'leader' is not going to make it.  Not the greatest start to the day!

i chatted with a beautiful friend yesterday, and she was talking about how church sermons so often leave us feeling like Losers - we should be doing more, we should be more mature, we're not using our gifts... blah blah blah.  I don't know if I've heard a lot of sermons like that lately, but I do know that I don't need a sermon to feel like that.  It's my default mode.  it's ever present.  I don't need an external voice saying those things; my inner dialogue says them all the time. 

The two of us wished for more 'celebratory' conversations and messages.  Not an absence of challenge, but an increase of joy and rejoicing over the great things that happen in daily life and relationship.

(Incidentally, I stumbled upon a new blog recently.  The author has a campaign called I AM ENOUGH.  It's pretty cool.)

I did haul my sorry self out of bed shortly after I realized that I wasn't going to get where I was supposed to be.  I decided to go for a walk - not a run like I often do, but a nice, leisurely, prayer-y WALK.  I was gone for over an hour!  As soon as I stepped out, I knew I made the right choice.

I cleared my head of all the noise.  I heard the traffic, smelled the morning, felt the green of summer, and tasted broken but beautiful joy.  Somewhere on a walking path in Point Douglas, I stopped feeling like a loser and started to feel celebratory and blessed.  As I was 'rounding the corner to our building, one of our neighbors came out. Our chat went like this...

him - 'What are you doing out alone?!'
me - 'walking.'
him - 'I've told you before - I don't like you going for your walks/runs alone all the time.  You could get hurt'
me - 'thanks for caring.'
him - 'We got some extra food from the food bank over at our place.  No one can use it.  You guys want it?'
me - 'sure.'
him - 'k, see ya later, I'll bring it to the drop in.'

a  pretty simple exchange.  But one that reminded me that I'm known in my neighborhood.  And the caring for and supporting is not only going from me/us to them.. It's two way.  Thats is a beautiful ... maybe even VALID - thing in my book.

thanks for reading. 

Here is a photo I took today - I came upstairs to find one of our 'roomies' napping on the couch.  I couldn't resist the opportunity...

If you live in Winnipeg...

You need to check out the forks later this week!  The Truth and Reconciliation Commission is putting on their first event in our city.  There is much to absorb and learn, and the fact that this event crisscrosses the 'Forgiven' Summit that I posted about yesterday is meaningful.. things are happening in our country!  It's exciting.  It seems to me like an answer to many prayers, much weeping, and a lot of desperate crying out to God.

There will be events, storytellers, powwows, music, listening, and lots more from Wed-Sat.  Check out the website here.

i've just printed off the daily programs and highlighted the things I don't want to miss.  I have the advantage of being a 10 minute bike ride away, so hopefully I can take in lots of things.  No one in the Winnipeg area should miss the opportuntiy to engage at least once over the 4 days!

On Wed. night, the music lineup includes Blue Rodeo - hopefully we'll be heading over there after the Bean Gallery Coffee House/House Concert!

I'm going to try and be there each day for the 9am drumming - I have come to adore ceremonial drumming since WCV's What Love Does conference in October.  Also, at 2pm each day, there is a 'releasing tears prayer' in the Oodena Circle.  I'm hoping to make it at least a couple of times.  There is an academic conference on Thursday; Prairie Perspectives on Residential Schools.  The interfaith tent has a discussion about Traditional Spiritualities in conversation with Christianity on Thursday at 10:45.

Maybe I'll even take in a sash making workshop one afternoon!

Forgive

From the forgiveness summit website... 


In agreement with the apology presented by the Prime Minister of Canada on June 11, 2008, we, as Canadians, recognize that the treatment of children in Indian Residential Schools is a sad chapter in our history. Today, we recognize that this policy of assimilation was wrong, has caused great harm, and has no place in our country. We sincerely apologize and ask the forgiveness of the Aboriginal peoples of this country for failing them so profoundly. In addition to the apology of our government, we as members of the Church of Canada, through whose hands these policies and all their abuses were carried out, repent. We and our forefathers have sinned, we did not live what we preached. For this we also humbly ask the forgiveness of the First Peoples of this land.

You can add your name to this apology. You SHOULD add your name to this apology.

http://i4give-services.com/index.php

First Nations response..
We have heard your apologies for the terrible treatment of our people and families caused by the Indian Residential School policies. We believe your apologies are sincere. We also know that true forgiveness can help us all to heal from the painful past and move into a future of hope and relationships characterized by mutual respect and new honour. We know that our decision to forgive you can pave the way for freedom from the negative past not only for our people, but for many other peoples and nations.

We forgive you.
 
You can also sign this page if it applies to you. http://i4give-services.com/index.php?t=f

a story worth sharing.

I've posted before about what it was like for our family to find ourselves in a completely different story than the one we envisioned when our circumstances changed drastically last year.  It felt like an tidal wave engulfed us and somedays it still feels like we're dripping wet and wondering what the heck hit us.  (Those days are thankfully fewer and fewer!)

In the face of so much confusion, we decided to come to Flatlanders for a school year and spend some time serving, learning, healing, and re-orienting ourselves.  We figured it would be clear at the end what direction we'd continue in.  Flatlanders was a perfect fit for who we are as a family, and especially in light of what we'd experienced  - but we thought it was only for the short term!

Sometime in the early spring, we started talking with folks here about the future.  And what it might look like if we CONTINUED to live at Flatlanders.  We were as shocked as anyone to be seriously considering it.  A few times in the early months of living in community, Bren and I would look knowingly at each other, communicating... 'we won't miss THIS when we move out of here next year!'  The month of November was particularly challenging; there were a few times when we wondered if we'd make it to June at all.

Then the snow was melting and the weather started warming, and we began exploring lots of good options for our family.  Moving back to the town our house lives in was pretty high on the list of possibilities.  One of our kids desperately wanted that to happen.  But the more we explored, the less likely it seemed.  A number of other options just didn't feel right either - it was like walking by a beautiful dress in a window and loving it until you try it on and realize that even though it FITS, its not 'you' at all.

In some bizarre, but yet really basic way, Flatlanders (for us, anyway) was more like a dress that you walk by and don't even notice - then one day you actually SEE it, and realize ' I love this - its just right!'  (I can hear Brendan snickering as he reads this - no, he doesn't try on dresses!!)

So, one Thursday in April, over lunch, we told our friend Andy that we had made our decision, and we wanted to stay and join the Long Term Team; a minimum two year commitment!  He was surprised and excited about what this might mean for the future.  We thought the focus of the next year would be recruiting more leaders and establishing a strong core team for the community. 

Our biggest challenge during our first year at Flats was not having enough leadership, and not having enough time to feel like we were addressing the needs around us very well.  We often felt very alone in the task of being the 'stable core' of the community.  (And what miracle earned us the title of 'stable', anyway?!)  Priority #1 for the future would be addressing the leadership gap ... or so we thought.

The best part of the story?

The same day we told Andy we were 'signing on the dotted line', he told us he'd gotten an email from a family who wanted to talk more about moving into Flatlanders as leaders... with their three boys (all under 7!)

That same night, Andy went to a meeting and met up with two other couples (one of whom has a 4 year old and is expecting baby #2 any day), and they also said they were interested in talking more about Flatlanders and leadership.

Shortly after that, two of the founding members of the community started coming around, spending more time, hanging out for weekends.  We figured out that they were exploring the possibility of moving back in and wanted a good read on the community dynamics.

The rest of the story is that all of those interested parties are moving in this summer.  For fall,  our leadership team is complete, and we are already working together, discerning how we'll grocery shop, care for the place, hang out with our neighborhood friends more, and be an effective, authentic, transparent and caring team.  Tomorrow, we are working on our greenspace and doing deep clean together, followed by a potluck bbq.  We are having so much fun getting to know each other, knowing that we'll soon be sharing much of life together.

It makes me smile all over to think that these details were already being woven together while we were wondering where the people were going to come from.  I shake my head at the astounding evidence of God's care and provision for Flatlanders. 

When I pause to consider the origins of the concept that became our community, it is amazing that the funding, the energy, the practicalities, the construction and zoning, that ALL the many, many details came together.  Its impossible NOT to see faithfulness and provision, a nurturing and able hand getting right up close to all the details.  Would you believe that the seeds started in the idealistic minds of some young theology students from CMU?  That there was sufficient faith for those seeds to find water, soil, light - to blossom and bear fruit over and over again?  And in ways no one initially envisioned?

Praise the Lord, for the Lord is good; sing to his name for he is gracious.  For I know that the Lord is great; our Lord is above all gods.  Whatever the Lord pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps.  He it is who makes the clouds rise at the end of the earth; he makes lightnings for the rain and brings wind from his storehouses.- psalm 135

Thanks for reading about our exciting times.. can't wait to share the stories to come.  We are pretty sure we wont live in community forever, but we're sure glad for the chance to do it for now.

Here are some good words from some of our new friends moving into Flatlanders this summer;  (from an email sharing the decision with their friends and family)

"Our hope is to be more relatable, not less. As we learn God’s heart, we want to grow more alive, less dull, in this adventure. We seek greater perspective, learning and immersed, unsheltered from our world and one another. We want to experience real living. Not perfect living. Not safe living. But a rich, good life full of highs and lows, joy and sorrow, faith and uncertainty, as we share our family and learn the meaning of life with others. " (S & J)

 “Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing”.  - Helen Keller
 

Sharing the Journey

Monday, June 14

7pm

Sharing the Journey

A night of stories, info about Flatlanders, and good coffee!

Our family is hosting this event, as a way of sharing a bit about the

 last year and our future plans.

(we recently committed to another two years as part of Flatlanders Core Leadership Team)

join us!

RSVP if you can!

An optional offering for Flatlanders Inn will be taken.

a story to live in

This weekend, I got a chance to speak in church in anticipation of the Love Winnipeg 'caring for the core' initiative coming up. 

As I was preparing, I remembered one of my textbooks referring to how we can approach the Bible as if we are mining for truth... but the truth we mine conforms to our pre-existing ideas/beliefs.  Kind of like we find just what we're looking for, and new insights can be difficult to arrive at because of what we already believe or have been taught.  I underlined that a few times, because it sounded like something I wanted to remember.

This morning, I was reading an essay by Eugene Peterson about the book of Romans.. talking about the apostle Paul, he says:

"All his mental processes are subdued and submissive to what has been handed to him by revelation in Scripture.  The words of scriptural revelation are the means by which he thinks and prays.  Paul's relation to Scripture was not that of a student boning up for an exam, but that of a disciple of Jesus living the text.  He spent the first part of his life as a Pharisee, using the scripture zealously, but wrongly.  He spent the second part of his life as a Christian, living these same Scriptures just as zealously, but in a very different way.  The difference was this: as an activist Pharisee, he used the Scriptures to support an angry crusade; as a believing Christian, he let the Spirit use the Scriptures to form Christ in him.  The Scriptures furnish his vocabulary, shape his imagination, form his life.... it is not only that Paul quotes the Scriptures; he inhabits the story of Scripture... he gives the impression of being totally at ease with this richly expansive narrative of God's Word."

All this reminded me of one my friend Lisa's favorite passage; its in Psalm 119 (I know its one of her favorites because its often quoted on notes/cards I receive from her!) -

" Truly I love your commandments more than gold, more than fine gold.  Truly I direct my steps by all your precepts. I hate every false way.  Your decrees are wonderful; therefore my soul keeps them.  The unfolding of your word gives light; and it imparts understanding to the simple." (vs 127-130)