quickie update :)

i hoped to blog a couple of times this week, but the three addiction assignments I'm working on continue to plague me and be the primary focus of every spare moment. cant wait til they're done, but also feeling really extremely thankful I decided to squeeze that unplanned class in last June... this is very relevant learning for where we are right now. i've already dropped a class from my fall timetable, as i respond to the demands and opportunities before us at Flatlanders. I just decided that I have the whole rest of my life to become a counselor, but I only have 10 months at Flatlanders!

tonight is birthday party night at Flatlanders.. there are several members of our community who have August bdays, so tonight is the celebration. The rest of today will be spent preparing.. we planning chocolate fondue, cheese fondue, and a bbq. I also plan to bake chocolate zucchini cake. I hope the recipe turns out great! Of course, my can't-follow-the-rules nature is already planning several additions/changes to the recipe, so if it flops it will likely be my fault, not the recipe ... (I've already registered a couple of flopped recipes here and everyone is very forgiving. I don't think I'll be trying seafood noodle surprise again anytime soon...!!)
The celebration happens to be on Kenny's actual birthday, and his excitement is contagious; he is looking forward to a couple of his family members joining us. Please think of Kenny if you pray, he is a wonderful member of our family here who has been having a few struggles of late.

at the moment, I'm feeling rather thankful for all the expressions of encouragment and kindness we've heard from the wonderful people in our life over the past few weeks. To those friends who are so often calling, emailing, asking great questions, staying in touch.. you often make our day. We love and appreciate you, and we sense your prayers in moments that challenge us as well as in the moments of quiet reflection that lift us up. You are on our minds often. Some of you in Winnipeg we haven't had a chance to hang out with yet, but we look forward to it soon! And to our Saskatchewan friends.. we miss you frequently and muchly! Sometimes it feels like Flatlanders and Hepburn must be in different universes, but we are so glad to have the opportunity to experience both communities.

a parting thought - I just posted a little reminder on the desk I work at that says:

Proposal for a well-lived day: Spend the whole day in real life.

shared life

Tonight, I had a great date with a great friend. We met while we both lived in Saskatchewan, but we now both find ourselves in Winnipeg and it is great!


Our friendship deepened quickly as a result of a seminary assignment I had early in our time of knowing one another- I needed to write about 'spiritual conversations' and chronicle the experience from several different perspectives. She agreed to be the conversation partner, and a unique relationship developed and has blossomed fruitfully - in both of our lives - in the time since.


This evening's conversation was rich in talk about grace and perspective. I was reminded of the opening thoughts in a book I have yet to finish reading. It's called 'Exiles - Living Missionally in a Post Christian Culture', authored by Michael Frost. He opens the book with reference to his 'pointed critique' of the church in places like Canada and the US. He says that some read his work and celebrate it as prophetic, while others call him a church basher. He claims that neither is true; and quotes another author... "It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half wit remains a half wit and the emperor remains an emperor." Perhaps he is saying that pointing things out is only helpful if its attached to something meatier, more substantial. And, for his purposes, if it's also wrapped in love and commitment. (Here, he quotes Ephesians 4:15, which encourages us to speak the truth in love.)


That was part of our conversation; this mysterious thing called grace in our day to day lives. As our understanding of it increases, it is usually preceded by some difficulty - perhaps failure, perhaps suffering. These experiences 'thicken the narrative' of our lives, enrich us and deepen us. (this is a thought from one of my counselling profs...) The most memorable part of our conversation (for me, anyway) came from my friend's discussion of what she's been learning about grace. I'll quote her...

"So often we say that people need to be more loving, but we ourselves fail to show love. Or we say that the church needs to be more forgiving, but we ourselves fail to offer forgiveness. Or we talk about a family that should be more gracious, but we ourselves don't extend grace. I'm just trying to be the one who shows love, offers forgiveness, extends grace."

I guess I'm kinda wondering if she has nailed down some 'substance' we might add to what Frost calls 'pointed critique.' I'm kinda wondering if somehow this is a way to speak the truth in love like Paul is talking about.

Incidentally, we got together to play Canasta - I'm sure glad we didn't, I think I needed this conversation more. But next time we're together, we will play. And I will win.

Drop in Dialogue 1 and Family Night

Each week on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, the Vineyard has a drop in for community members. Folks living in the local area may or may not have permanent addresses, many struggle with addictions and mental health issues. Each drop in morning, hot food is served, sometimes there is food to hand out, and there is always laughter and friendship in abundance - and coffee!

I thought I'd post some snippets of conversations from those mornings here every once in a while. (See right side bar)

Here goes:

• "I started drinking when I was 36. I haven't stopped ever since. Now I'm 43 and I've been drunk all this time. I went to Bible School once, though."
• "I don't know why I like living on the street better than where my family is, where I'm cared for. I guess I just don't want to be bothered with what they want from me. I just want to go my own way. But then sometimes, I wish someone cared for me. The people on the street, they only care for me when I have money and stuff. When I got nothing, I got no one."
• "I was in a residential school for 5 years when I was a kid. I ran away all the time, but they found me and brought me back. When I was 8, I started sniffing gasoline 'cuz I saw my friends doing it once when we were on the run."
• "There have been lots of times when I thought I'd seen it all. But I keep being surprised at what else people will do to each other."
• "I was jumped for my King Can." (in response to my question about bruises)
• "Do you know Jesus? I love Jesus."
• "I brought this empty container, can you put some more soup in here for me to take home?"
• "If you think I smell like sniff, that's just my smudge. I carry my sweetgrass with me... see?" (as we were shown some herbs that looked a little like sage.. roots, dirt, and all)
• "I keep a picture of the Royal Family in my room, because they fascinate me."

I really enjoy drop in. I had my first taste of it when I brought a team of students from Bethany College here to Winnipeg in January. The is something profound about the people, the ministry, the interactions. There is no complexity, and it is refreshing.

Family Night:
Tuesdays are Family Night here at Flatlanders. We all commit to hanging out together each week on this one night.
Tonight, we enjoyed some homemade soup with Ben and Ang - old friends of ours, but new friends to the Flatlanders. Then we had a bonfire, ate some s'mores, and laughed until our sides hurt. Oh, and of course, some people roasted chicken wieners.. which are very foul fowl. (Warren, that pun is for you!) I did not eat chicken wieners, but I did have a peanut buttery s'more!
We had lots of fires in Hepburn, always good times. (I have great memories of Dueck and Peters girls around the fire!) It seemed appropriate to have a great bonfire in the open space like our yard in Hepburn. But here, our bonfire pit is in the budding greenspace, behind a brick wall that separates us from Main Street just by the underpass between downtown and the North End. Its between two old warehouses - one that now houses a church and our community's home, and the other that will someday provide more beds for people needing temporary shelter.
Two very different settings could hardly be imagined! Good times always, though.

shades of home

what is 'home'?

Times of physical transition elicit wonderings about the nature of "HOME", I guess. Is 'home' a space? a way of feeling, a form of comfort? A friend recently told me that she has observed that our family is at home with eachother and with God, and that she thinks 'houses' are not as relevant to our sense of 'home' as they are to many others. I had never contemplated such an idea.. and I'm not convinced that its accurate. But it sure got me thinking about what home is to me, and wondering what it is to others. I'll share a few thoughts here - and I hope you'll post a comment or two about what home means to you.

I've often told Bren that he is my home... (in particular that safe place on his left shoulder that bears the imprint of my head sleeping on it.)

The song Be Thou My Vision - weird that if finds its way into this post. But I've heard it a few times recently, and its a form of home to me.. it reminds me of my life's purpose, and it has been oft-repeated at many important times on the journey. Early in my faith experience, it highlighted some concepts I hadn't previously understood. It reminds me of my truest home, perhaps.

What does HOME mean to you?

Equifinality

Have you heard the term "equifinality" before? I hadn't until recently. I learned it in one of my counselling texts.

"Equifinality is a 'crucial construct among theories... what it means is this: if your ultimate goal was to fly from your hometown to Chicago, you might simply hop a non-stop flight from the nearest airport directly to Chicago. Equifinality, or 'equal finality' suggests that you could ultimately arrive in Chicago by less direct or less efficient means.... For example, you could fly from your hometown to Miami, then go directly to Chicago. Or, for an even more convoluted trip, you might might go from your hometown to Paris, France. Then instead of going directly to Chicago, you might decide to stop in Los Angeles first. And once in LA, you might decide to check out New York city, by way of Canada, and THEN go to Chicago - your ultimate destination. No matter what the route, the goal was accomplished. Of course, the most energy and time efficient method was the direct flight to Chicago." (from Counselling Addicted Families, Hagedorn and Juhnke)

This description, and its application to counselling theory and life in general (at least for the purpose of this post), reminds me of a memorable and meaningful C.S. Lewis quote Lisa shared with me:

"You may be sure the Landlord has brought you the shortest way; though I confess it would look an odd journey on a map." (from Pilgrim's Regress)

For someone who values efficiency, learning to appreciate the value and opportunity found in 'equifinality' is tricky and requires genuine discipline. I actually have to catch those things in my mind that are going in a certain direction (efficiency!) and re-route them to incorporate this radical (to my way of processing information) new information.

Simply stated - There is value in the changes and challenges that cause us to feel side-swiped. There is something to be gained from the unexpected, from the inefficient. And really, why am I so concerned with efficiency anyway?

There is something profound about letting go and not managing things to look the way we think they ought to. There is something profound about being open to another way. I've managed to type this whole post without using the c-word. (control) - but I think its an important concept towards grasping equifinality.

There is something profound about being genuinely okay that I don't already have it all figured out.

What do you guys think?

initial thoughts

In a few weeks or months, I'm sure I'll be communicating much more succintly about our experience as Flatlanders. But right now, I'll just share some early observations...

• living in community is good. You can't really hide or pretend about anything. I like this. If there was a grid with 'isolating/insulating ourselves' at one end and 'exposing ourselves/embracing vulnerability' at the other end, human nature seems to dictate that being closer to the vulnerability end resonates more with how we're made than the alternative. And, realistically, there is pain and challenge regardless. (ask me how I feel about this in a few months .. hopefully I'll have learned a few things that will only deepen this value!
• Some of Flatlanders food is provided by Winnipeg Harvest. This is an interesting dynamic.. because they distribute what is donated to them by local grocers/restaurants. You get what you get, and its great! (often, what you get comes in very large quantities ... like about 40 packages of chicken wieners.) Meals can be quite eclectic and interesting. Tonight, for example, we served up perogies, stir fried vegetables, and a broco-slaw cucumber salad. The freezer here is an interesting place. Squid tubes, anyone? I remember once in Hepburn when we were having a large group over for supper.. I had a craving for barley soup, and I had the remnants of a pork roast and lots of broccoli in the fridge.. so I did a search for soup recipes with pork, barley, and broccoli. I had several options at the press of a key. Its going to be fun employing this strategy with even more unique ingredients!
• Have I mentioned my amazing family? Bren is writing/journaling like mad, full of insights and observations. He had no idea about some of the things happening right in this neighborhood - the same one we lived in for years. Owen has been so open. (I'm a rhyming poet...) Sydney baked cookies today, and is loving the space and the opportunities here.
• we are mostly unpacked and sorted. It is a great feeling.

Tomorrow, we begin our first week as residents here with 9am prayers. We are pretty pumped. And we're really thankful for this opportunity to learn and serve.... Thanks for reading, thanks for being interested, thanks for praying.

starting to settle in...

This post is being entered from Flatlanders, where we live. huh. how d'ya like that?!??! It does seem strange to be embarking on a year of inner city living/serving.. we just came from the rural, open prairies, and when we moved there a short two years ago, we thought we'd be there for the long term. Funny how life is like that, hey?

a few randoms:

• our kids are so great. They are still adolescents, they forget their manners, they demonstrate bad attitude.. but overall, they've been through the wringer this past year, and they're still smiling. Laughing, even. We are incredibly blessed.
• speaking of great.. our week at Nutimik was awesome. We stayed in a YURT, which was especially heavenly because it rained quite a bit while we were there. But mostly, the family time was the reason for the great little holiday. So much laughter, so many silly pranks .. I don't even mind being the butt of most of the jokes! The most memorable thing was the skunk who opened our cooler and stole the two items on top; leftover Pizza bush pies, and a full package of raw farmer sausage. (had to get Winkler sausage after the two year hiatus.. although Bren claims Hague's is better..) (Our hobo dinners were almost vegetarian as a result of the hijacking!) When we looked for our food, we thought we'd been robbed by hungry campers, since we thought an animal would surely have disturbed the area near the cooler if they had been there. But the wrappers were in the bush, still being devoured by our striped neighbor! Unbelievable. Lesson: when the campground posts notices about not leaving your cooler unattended, they really mean it!
• pics of our place etc will follow. Still no sign of the camera supplies...

a closing note; we went on a quick ride around our neighborhood tonight, just to get a feel for the friday night activities. We saw a lot of prostitutes, and many circling vehicles checking out the action. So we prayed.

For this neighborhood and the people who live here, we prayed something like this: God of love, this community is so clearly hurting. The people who live here, while often filled with joy and laughter, seem to often turn to unhealthy things when they are stressed or in difficult circumstances. Replace the brokenness with wholeness. Fill those empty spaces with beauty, love, the things that are most like you. You know the deepest reasons for poverty. Help those who can do something to see a way to influence. Cure people of complacency and powerlessness. We pray that the crime and violence would stop.

For ourselves, we prayed something like this: God of love, you created so much that is good, yet we are seeing so much that is not good. Bring down barriers we may have that could hinder us from loving and serving in ways that honor you. We are from so much privilege, and we are just blind to so much. Grow genuine understanding in our confused hearts. Teach us about love and justice.

story

Other posts have referred to the fact that I'm excited about studying counselling from the perspective that is emphasized at Briercrest. One of the things I'm most looking forward to learning about is the concept of narrative therapy - the idea of exploring 'story'.

We had an amazing night with old friends tonight, and as I snapped a few shots of us around the dinner table (at Star Grill Conservatory.. great atmosphere!) I commented that Trena and Bren should be in one together, because they've known each other the longest. (since grade four!)

As the evening continued, I was reflecting on all the ways we've each been part of each other's story. We've contributed to one another's lives in many small ways, but it all adds up.

I know for sure that who I am today is somehow tied to the ways these friends (and lots of others) have spoken in to my life, ways I've learned from them, or ways that they have supported Bren and I.

Story.. so much a part of who we are.

** I'd love to post a pic or two, but in all the transition, I have yet to find a camera cord! :)