praying ladies reunion

I am writing this post from Caronport, my 'home away from home'. I realized tonight as I settled in and was getting unpacked that I have quite a little routine established by now! I put my clothes in the same spots, hang my scarves in the same place, bring the same meals, and generally just appreciate that everything has a place and no one is going to mess with it for five whole days! Oh, yeah, and I really enjoy the things I'm learning while I'm here, too.

But, I digress.. this post is about the WEEKEND! What a great time I had reconnecting with two of my favorite people! Some of you may not know that the 'praying ladies' is a silly little name for three pretty silly women who once had a weekly meeting where they got together to pray. Since one of the members (me!) is no longer nearby, we capitalized on the chance to hang out while we were all in the same province this weekend.

We reconnected and had such an enjoyable time. Of course there was FOOD! Here's a suggestion for those of you who like a recipe idea;

Spread cream cheese on a tortilla shell, then wrap around pickled asparagus spears (available at Costco, of course.). Very tasty. I also tried the wrap with tomato and cucumber (and the asparagus) - that was also good!

Really, cream cheese makes everything good, right?

We saw many Moose Jaw sights, went into cool shoppes, checked out Yvette Moore's gallery, splurged on great coffees, tried on thrift store clothes, and laughed like crazy! We had a great meal in

a restaurant converted from what was once a very grand home. And Sunday morning, we went to church at St. Aidans.

This isn't the first time we've done a little excursion like this; and a pattern is emerging.. we tend to meet really interesting and lovely people on these getaways. This weekend, we met an artist named Gladys who was so inspiring and warm. This woman cares for others and seems to to be a blessing to everyone in her path! For fun, she dons a clown suit and goes to places like the children's hospital. Recently, she started making jewellery out of dried potatoes. (for real - I even got a necklace!) I'm sure her schedule would wear me down - and she's retired!

I thought of a couple of other friends as we were exploring and wandering about. This photo (below) is for Mel R. It also comes in black. Maybe it's hard to tell in the photo, but the purse is a SHOE! hehe!

And this stained glass work (which I did ask permission to photograph!) reminded me of Jess.

a prophet speaks?

I am always shocked at the upside-down, 'so you think you've got it all figured out, hey?' way that Jesus is at work in the world.

I like to think I make lots of room for the spirit, that I resist rock-solid conclusions and emphatic positions about things. I like to think I'm pretty open ... but sometimes, I just have to shake my head and realize how mysterious and crazy the whole thing is, and that every day is supposed to have surprises!

That happened twice this week, both (not surprisingly) at the Vineyard drop in for local residents and community members.

On Tuesday, I was chatting with Blackie (I'm actually using his real name because he told me I could and he likes for his stories to be shared!). We were talking about his friend, how he was doing, then he suddenly started blinking repeatedly. I was sort of alarmed, but not really since he does blink a lot. So I said 'blackie, whats going on with your eyes?' The rest of the converstion went like this:


Blackie: 'I'm looking at you like you look at me.'

Me: Huh? 'blackie, what are you talking about?!'

Blackie: 'you know, how you look at me... you SEE me. lots of people look at me and they see nothing. They see through me. I can see you seeing me.... Like this. (more blinking)"


I still wasn't totally sure what he meant, but I was beginning to realize there was something profound going on in this little conversation.


Me: "Whats different about the way some people look at you, Blackie?'

Blackie: "Its not some people, its the christians. They see me. (like this.. more blinking!)." " I can see in their eyes that know Jesus."

Me: "So is is something like Love? You feel love from them?'

Blackie: "I don't feel it, I SEE it."


So, that conversation happened on Tuesday.

There was drop in again this morning.
After a while, I introduced Blackie to my son, who was home because he refused to go on a school field trip. Fine, we told him, but we promised it would be no bucket of roses if he stayed home. (He is outside picking up garbage as I write this!)

Their conversation went something like this:

me: blackie, this is my boy.

Blackie: (pushing a chair out) "Sit down here, Kelly's son. We're gonna have a meeting. (points to me) You - sit down too. I have some things to say."

Owen: sits down with eyes wide and a face that says 'oh, shit, what have I gotten myself into?!' (I don't know for sure, but maybe at this point he was wishing he was in St. Boniface with his schoolmates?!)

Blackie; "I see you, boy. I see you have a whole life ahead of you. Don't do what I did! Dont get into gangs. Don't be a bully. Be always kind."

Owen: yup...

Blackie: "and listen to your parents. You don't listen do you? You like it going only your own way?"

Owen: looking at me with confusion.. "I guess..."

blackie: "I can see your heart... and its torn. You gotta let that go!" .... "Why is it angry in your heart?"

I continued to sit there, unable to escape the feeling that there was something deeply significant and deeply spiritual going on. Blackie shared a lot of himself and his story with Owen. He talked about his problem - being an alcoholic. (again, I'm not sharing out of turn here, Blackie likes to share and talk honestly with people. He'll be open and real with anyone!) He talked about the dangers and realities of life 'on the street.' He talked about prison. And he told Owen that it starts with being angry and not caring about others; not listening to no one. At the end, Blackie wept as he hugged owen. He left with these words: "don't think you can't end up like me, and don't think that angry feeling is going to do you any good, 'cause it ain't!"

I daily remember Nathan Regier's advice to always be on the lookout for beauty in what many people think are unlikeliest places!

I realize every day how much more there is to know about jesus and the ways he is at work.

So, this wasn't an intentional lead in or anything; but it seems appropriate to share about an upcoming event. Winnipeg centre vineyard is hosting a conference next month called What Love Does. Blackie will be there, he is already anxious to share his stories with people from all over Canada. There'll also be a workshop about communal living put on by the residents of Flatlanders Inn!

meet the teacher

We went to the kids school today to meet their teachers. What an awesome experience! We were supposed to all go, but then Bren decided we should go without the kids so we could hang out a bit afterward.

The school has so many opportunities and such a great feeling of community. As a grade nine student, O could go to Quebec or Costa Rica in the spring. Since Bren and I went to quebec in grade nine (yes, we were already dating!), we're thinking this is such a great option for him. If we go ahead with it, be ready for some innovative fundraising ideas!

Syd will go to Camp in November, and that sounds like a very fun time. The grade 12 leadership students are the activity planners, along with some core staff members.

Mostly it was great to hear the teachers' impressions about our kids so far. Its so cool to see how the things that are unique about each of them come through regardless of the context. One teacher said if not for the last name, she'd never have guessed these two kids could be related, thats how different they are.

The low down is that both of our kids are settling in, making friends, doing just fine in immersion, and all seems well. I'm breathing a sigh of happy relief.

We've had some conflict recently about extra-curricular activities. Owen randomly decided he wasn't doing school sports. Sydney randomly decided that the choir she was planning to join was dumb. We told him them in our family, decisions like these get made as a result of discussing things together and exploring ideas. If a dictatorship is preferred, dictator will be over the age of 16! So, after discussing things ... Owen IS playing vball, along with some new friends he encouraged to participate, and Syd IS going to sing Beatles songs in the Jr. choir, where she will undoubtedly learn many wonderful things.

The night ended with bren and I stopping for a samosa at Finales.. a quick date that is becoming a weekly event!

Responses

We've had some interesting responses from friends and family as we've settled in to community life in the inner city. I thought I'd share a few...

"Is this like a midlife crisis or something? Aren't you guys too young for a midlife crisis?"

"Main and where? there are no houses there. ARe you living in a condemned building?"

"So.. where are your kids going to live, then?"

"My car's been in the parking lot for half an hour, should we check if its still there?"

"You're the family that lives at Flatlanders? We're so excited to have you with us!"

"Let me know when you get a real house, then I'll visit you! Or maybe we could go to a restaurant to visit?"

"YOu live in a church? That must be convenient on Sundays!"

"It's so good to have a family here!"

"Wow, I guess that decision is the definition of calling!"

"Are you running away from something?"

"Why?"

"Your kids can sleep over at our place, 'cuz ours are sure not going there! We only have two of them, you know!"

"What do you do to feel safe?"

These responses have at times been hilarious, at other times heartbreaking. To be honest, I was simply unprepared for the level of skepticism we've encountered. Don't hear me emphasizing only the negative; there have been many encouragements and affirmations too! And don't hear me only questioning the questioners; we had to come to terms with our fair share of questions, too.

The vision for Flatlanders Inn includes many more families to living here in the years ahead. In fact two family units are going to be under construction by the end of the year. You know, my heart for that vision is growing daily; not only for what it means for the Flatlanders community, but also for what it could mean in the broader community.

Have you seen that MCC poster that has a bunch of sayings about building global community? One of the sayings reads: "Don't confuse your comfort with your safety." That line has played in my mind often lately!

I re-read Mark's account of the Gerasene (Gadarene?) demoniac this morning, and again at our worship night tonight. Mark spends more time on this story than do Luke and Matthew, I think it's because Mark is emphasizing the importance of the kingdom ministry of breaking down barriers. Early in his modeling to his followers, Jesus chose to take them to a place where there were many things they would have had no previous experience of; things that were completely UNSAFE for a good Jew. He exposed them to: demons, gentiles, pigs, blood, tombs - he brought them to the least safe place imagineable! (Imagine those boys getting out of the boat, mouths agape, minds racing, wondering what on earth this Jesus was leading them into! And wondering how they could ever get clean again!) By the end of this story, Jesus demonstrates some of what he was on earth to accomplish - some important aspects of the ministry that would ultimately be passed on to those who follow him. I love that he knew all the rules and methodically went about breaking them! I love that he showed - not just told, but SHOWED - how the rules were not only unhelpful, they weren't even in accordance with the scriptures they were supposedly founded upon.

I first printed off and pasted that passage in my journal over a year ago. I've been thinking on it for a while now, and there are still new things when I read it again. I love that story. My favorite part is when the madman is clothed (having been naked) and restored, sitting calmly, conversing with Jesus. I see that image in my head and the word DIGNITY comes to mind. What hope did he have if jesus hadn't come to him? There would have been no way he could have come anywhere near Jesus on his own - the dividing walls were just too big. Jesus had to make the first move for someone in his circumstances.

Jesus came, defying all logic and reason. He came to the man living in the tombs, and he comes to us.

oceans of irony

ever had one of those moments where you don't want to eavesdrop on someone, but its almost impossible NOT to? They're having a loud conversation in a quiet place, and you can't drown them out no matter how hard you try? And there's nowhere else to sit? You try to read your book, but you keep losing your place - you read the same page 16 times? ok.. so, you know what i mean..

I had one of those experiences recently. I really didn't want to overhear the conversation. What's worse is that it still hasn't left me... and its been over a week. So I'm going to blog about it and hope that it clears my thoughts...

A man and a woman, clearly from the same church and circle of friends, are talking while they wait for their respective children at an after school activity. We'll call them Fred and Betty. Fred is associated with law enforcement and the justice system somehow. (the irony of his involvement with anything called justice is nothing short of tragic....) Conversation starts out with Fred ridiculing the folks he works with, the ones he serves... the incarcerated criminal population. His tone is superior; seeping with condemnation and judgement. He refers to addictions, unhealthy patterns, family dynamics.. he says lots of things that might be factual. But the only thing I could hear was his 'if-only-everyone-was-like-me' attitude and the way he was empty of anything resembling compassion. (at least in this moment - I have no doubt Fred is a compassionate fellow at other times...)

He made 'us' seem like perfection served on wonder bread, while 'them' were seemingly undeserving of air to breathe. He clearly saw himself as successful, and therefore worthy; while the deadbeats he was talking about couldn't possibly attain this ideal; they're way too useless. In fact doing anything other than locking them up and ignoring them until they kill each other is a complete waste of time. (Its been a while but I think thats a direct quote.)

The whole while, Betty just clucked with understanding, her head bobbing up and down sympathetically. She threw in a few comments of her own, but she wasn't nearly as vile as Fred. She did liken a newcomer in her neighborhood to the subjects of Fred's distaste. Someone had the audacity to move in and sleep during the day while her kids played outside and were a menace to the community... you see, she was one of 'them', too. (My first thought was that perhaps the newcomer worked a night shift, and might need some support - but apparently this wasn't in the realm of possibilities for Betty.)

Need I mention that my blood was boiling? I would have said something, but I didn't trust myself to not spew some angry, teary insults of my own...

Fred and Betty's conversation continued, on a much lighter note after they had finished talking about the dregs of society..... now, they talked about their friends in common. Betty offered lots of helpful information about many people they both knew (read: gossip). Many of the people in their circle were described as struggling. I (and several other people in the room!) were treated to loads of personal information about broken marriages, teens battling drug addictions, people hospitalized for overdosing on performance enhancing drugs, extramarital affairs, and even a friend who couldn't get her eating disorder back under control. It was sad to hear about how much pain and hurt existed among Fred and Betty's shared friends.

It was even sadder how the two of them could find no commonality in the brokenness of the all people - some people received judgement and condemnation, others were good fodder for the gossip session. But no one warranted a single compassionate word.

There was something sickeningly absent from the entire conversation. Love.

I was desperately searching for it and I couldn't find a shred of it. Not in words, posture, tone, subtle hints... nada. Sad.

Did I mention that Fred and Betty are members of the same church? yeah. They go to this place where people worship and adore the God who said something about being love and having followers who would be known for their love.

yeah. no wonder I've been haunted by this conversation all week, hey?

Did I mention irony?

returning passion

In a message I heard recently, someone said that 'the passion anyone has for Christ is directly proportionate to their experience of Christ'.

Isn't that a great statement? Its basic, yet still profound when stated so succintly.

Here's the cool thing.. I've had some really amazing, life changing encounters with a god who is alive (not dead, not ancient, not historical) and who guides, who is present and faithful, whose voice I recognize often. Isn't that great? Whats more is that if it weren't for those encounters, I'd have given up on faith a long time ago. I'm not strong enough, or disciplined enough.. I'm too much of a screw up to hold it together. But somehow that didn't factor in to the equation or limit opportunities (I'm sure I missed alot of them along the way, too) to have these memorable encounters.

But it doesn't stop there... as I read the recorded stories about Christ, I realize that I've only experienced a smidgen of all that he is. I've got a lifetime to continue to experience all sorts of new things with him and because of him. That's even more great!

I don't know if its coming through in this blog or not, but some passion that was dormant for a while is returning. Have you ever gone on a hike and emerged into a clearing, only to realize that you'd been in that place before, that it wasn't new after all? That is what I've been feeling like these last couple of weeks... returning to the familiar.

I wish and pray this sense of optimism and hope for each of you ...

offering and do it anyway

A few days ago, I had my first solo meal at Flatlanders. It won't happen often, so I enjoyed the solitude and peace. (i much prefer loud and happy shared meals!) As I munched on a yummy salad and leftover potatoes, I reached for the Flatlanders Community Handbook. I pored over it a little more than I had in the past, because it was so quiet.

A concept that jumped out at me was 'offering ourselves'. Here's an excerpt from the handbook:

"Flatlanders Inn is an intentional Christian Community. Each person has purposefully chosen to live together and offer themselves to each other."

This concept of offering oneself is woven throughout the whole handbook. And I know its a fundamental concept to the whole place; I experience the reality of it lived out on a daily basis. I treasure it and am often blessed by the various expressions it takes each day.

So why was I stumbling over these words, returning to them over and over? I realized that I was being convicted.. there was that familiar, slightly painful, yet very gentle stab. As I allowed the understanding to deepen, I grew more aware of the 'ouch'. It was like I was looking within with eyes cringed, not wanting to see what I suspected was there....

Offering myself.. here's what I realized: I only want to do it on my terms, and I want a pretty hefty insurance policy on the whole thing. I want to allow the hurt I've experienced in the past to guide me, I want permission to use the 'experience is the best teacher' excuse to protect myself from others... and you know what? That's not who I want to be. That's not what I want to sow into the world, least of all into this beautiful community we get to be part of.

That stab of conviction? It eased as soon as it accomplished its purpose. But I sure hope it returns quickly if I lose sight of what it revealed.

I was journalling about all this today, and a poem I read somewhere along the way came to mind. I thought I'd share it . I actually found two versions online, one credited to Mother Theresa, and the other to Kent Keith. They're both below...

I don't know what the official title of the poem is, but I call it 'do it anyway'.

This version found written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.

Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway.

******

The Original Version: The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

I found both of these here. (I prefer Mother Theresa's version, how about you?!)

... In spite of (insert your fears here), OFFER YOURSELF ANYWAY.

just some photos.. finally!

One of the best things about being home; celebrating special days with family.. TJ got a train set for his 2nd birthday and was quite pleased ... and quite cute!

Some Flatlanders photos:

The office where I spend a lot of time!

kitchen/common area on the third floor.

entrance to our 'pod' - three bedrooms and bathroom

Flatlanders takes up the 2nd and 3rd floors - this is the view from outside. The building used to be a tractor factory.

at the zoo.. bren's favorite activity!

Chef Owen making cookies.. a favorite pastime in the awesome kitchens!

This is a pizza bush pie. Classic Dvorak camping food. (Until a skunk stole our leftovers from the cooler in the middle of the night!)

A memory of a great visit with great friends!

Another friend we see not enough of.

A bonfire in the courtyard at Flatlanders/WCV.

drop in dialogue 2

(see note on right sidebar for more info about 'drop in dialogue' posts)

"I just can't stand the pressure of being two people; who I really am and who people think I am."

"Living in shelters is hard; it would be so easy to get trapped in depression and addiction like so many others I see there. I've gone to the temporary job lines every day and waited for three hours before I got sent away. I had no idea it was so hard to get a leg up, even when you're a hard worker."

"Have you ever tried sniffing? You wanna? I'll show you..."

"I think I could maybe go about five days without using, but thats it. And I wanna stop .. but not really."

"It's so hard to believe that God loves me like this"

... I don't write these for shock value.. I take note of these things, these snippets of conversation, because this is where the rubber meets the road in terms of what I believe, in terms of making sense of my faith, in terms of understanding mercy and grace.

... not a single drop in morning goes by that I don't meet the Creator in some unexpected way.. that i don't see something beautiful and fun and inviting in the eyes of people we have this great privilege of spending time with.
... not a single drop in morning goes by when I don't feel convicted about ways I've benefited from unearned privileges while others have not enjoyed the same.
...so far, drop in days turn into questioning days.. questions that start with 'why....?'