offering and do it anyway

A few days ago, I had my first solo meal at Flatlanders. It won't happen often, so I enjoyed the solitude and peace. (i much prefer loud and happy shared meals!) As I munched on a yummy salad and leftover potatoes, I reached for the Flatlanders Community Handbook. I pored over it a little more than I had in the past, because it was so quiet.

A concept that jumped out at me was 'offering ourselves'. Here's an excerpt from the handbook:

"Flatlanders Inn is an intentional Christian Community. Each person has purposefully chosen to live together and offer themselves to each other."

This concept of offering oneself is woven throughout the whole handbook. And I know its a fundamental concept to the whole place; I experience the reality of it lived out on a daily basis. I treasure it and am often blessed by the various expressions it takes each day.

So why was I stumbling over these words, returning to them over and over? I realized that I was being convicted.. there was that familiar, slightly painful, yet very gentle stab. As I allowed the understanding to deepen, I grew more aware of the 'ouch'. It was like I was looking within with eyes cringed, not wanting to see what I suspected was there....

Offering myself.. here's what I realized: I only want to do it on my terms, and I want a pretty hefty insurance policy on the whole thing. I want to allow the hurt I've experienced in the past to guide me, I want permission to use the 'experience is the best teacher' excuse to protect myself from others... and you know what? That's not who I want to be. That's not what I want to sow into the world, least of all into this beautiful community we get to be part of.

That stab of conviction? It eased as soon as it accomplished its purpose. But I sure hope it returns quickly if I lose sight of what it revealed.

I was journalling about all this today, and a poem I read somewhere along the way came to mind. I thought I'd share it . I actually found two versions online, one credited to Mother Theresa, and the other to Kent Keith. They're both below...

I don't know what the official title of the poem is, but I call it 'do it anyway'.

This version found written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.

Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway.

******

The Original Version: The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

I found both of these here. (I prefer Mother Theresa's version, how about you?!)

... In spite of (insert your fears here), OFFER YOURSELF ANYWAY.

Noticing

I must admit that I've spent most of my life being an un-noticer. Sort of oblivious; preoccupied. If it was necessary, I would take note, but only of the relevant parts. Just the straight goods, and don't waste my time with the rest. Nope, no inefficiency here.

It has been a discipline of the last year or so to pay better attention, to notice more. I've been 'strengthening my inferior functions.' (based on the advice of my MBTI coach.. Andrew.. do you even read this blog?!)

This week, while at Caronport, I've taken a couple of long walks. my journey of noticing has been paying off.. I was noticing so much!

the sun's warmth. nature sounds. water dropping.

kids laughing in the distance.

thoughts... how difficult it is for me to 'sit with' things, how uncertainty diminishes peace.

space.. around me. in my life. beloved prairies.

revelations. awareness.

a bird taunting a cat. over and over, swooping down each time the cat loses interest.

the breeze.

The trans-canada highway bustling by this quiet, serene little hamlet.. travellers from all over going somewhere important.

spring buds. color.

contrast.

Zofia

Gifts are something worth sharing about.

PEOPLE are the some of the best gifts we can ever receive.

RELATIONSHIPS are so important to all of us.

As I type this, my good friend Zofia is asleep in our spare room. She was our neighbor in Winnipeg. Our houses were so close that one could reach out our north-south facing windows and touch the other! Her oldest son's room looked into our room. (Those blinds stayed closed 90% of the time!! )

Zofia is a gift. She won't mind if I tell you about her, she is a very open person and believes that if parts of her story can encourage or inspire others, then it should be shared.

She moved from Poland with her husband and young son 20 years ago. I might be getting details mixed up, but I think her first home in Winnipeg was in the basement suite of a house on the street we lived on - but not the house she eventually bought.

Her children are (today) between the ages of 8 and 26. Her youngest three children were born in Canada. She will be a grandmother in a few months. She laughs when I talk about her looks, but she is very young looking and -in my opinion -glamorous - especially when she is going to church. :) Her commitment to the Polish Catholic faith is complete, and her youngest child is now attending catechism each week.

After some difficult times in her life, she spent some time reflecting. She calls it her awakening. I was privileged to be close enough in proximity and relationship to journey along with her on parts of the process. She even says that one day at lunch I called her 'strong' and convinced her that she might be. I think she was just open and ready to grow.

The awakening was in many ways spiritual (or at least, that was the most evident part to me). She became increasingly aware of God's presence in her life and realized that he'd been there all along, but she just hadn't been as aware. All of a sudden, music, sunrises, conversations, tears, patients in her health care role, her children -most things in her daily life - took on new meaning and she saw something deeper. Her world was different. There was a new beauty in every day and I actually saw this happening in her. Conversations with her changed, her voice and even her face changed as she 'awoke' to something new. She started each new day feeling with a security and faith that were becoming companions and increasing her joy.

There have been many changes in her life since she 'awoke' - most of them difficult ones. But she continues to align her life and choices with the things she's realized. For example, she told me last night that her children will find very little in the way of 'things' under the tree at Christmastime from now on - instead money will be spent on EXPERIENCES to enjoy together. (they went on a four week holiday to Europe this past summer and she takes them to plays and performances as often as she can...)

Zofia is a poet.

We spent some of our time together typing and editing her poetry... I'm attaching two of my favorites.. one old (from when we were neighbors) and one that she just shared with me.

(remember that english is Zofia's 2nd language.. so try to hear the poems with a wonderfully accented voice... :)

Droplets that Broke the Spell

The droplets were falling slow
From every direction that I’ve ever known
Every one came on time, landed deep
I couldn’t run away from them or skip

The droplets were timely, it wasn’t a chance
They would not allow me to live in the same trance
Every one brought its message, made me think
If I continued on the same course, I would only sink

The awakening had happened to me
Because my spirit was meant to be free
Wasn’t meant to be suppressed and kept in a cage
Such a treatment is certain to trigger some rage

The next chapter is up to me to write
If only the guidance sustains by my side
I received special tool, I can’t afford to lose
I hope the page stays open so I can use
The gift that I was presented for free
Which was the understanding that made me to see
That everything is different, nothing is the same
I was allowed to enter another life game

The awakening had happened to me
Because my spirit was meant to be free
Was meant to be loved, cherished every day
Such assurance is certain to keep me on the right way

My heart’s deep desire is answered at last
I need to stay tuned, so it would not pass
I hope the droplets will continue to appear
So one day I can say: “ I am completely free, without fear.”

The Power of Thought
There is way more here for me
Than your naked eye can see
I am following my dream
Its not triggered by a sin
There is thought behind my action
You could say I’m on a mission
The light is green, its only fair
I’m taking time to thoroughly prepare
My intention stays the same
Regardless of what you say
It will not weaken my strength,
It does not matter what you think
The presumption is on you
The conclusion that you drew
Is a product of your thought
Will not change the way I talk
There is way more here for me
Than your naked eye can see
I will try and try again
As long as it won’t cause pain
As long as its meant to be
The result will come, you’ll see
Impossible is nothing, dear,
Something whispers to my ear
Don’t you try to stop me now,
I’m determined, my dear pal
I feel this internal need,
I’ll try hard- I might succeed
I will not be stopped by fear
I’ll pursue my dream, its near
If I gave up, never tried,
I could waste my entire life