major in the majors

 When my kids were small, they attended a nursery school in St. Vital. A few weeks into our first year of school, another mom and I noticed that we seemed to be coming from and going to the same place.  We started to walk together, and a friendship was born, one that continues to this day. It helped that our kids were the same age, and that we lived only two blocks apart at the time.  Our sons went to that nursery school together, and then a couple of years later, our daughters followed.  All those years, we'd walk together, often having play dates before or after school. Many warm coffees were shared, along with laughter and a pretty significant contribution to each other's families.
I just got a birthday note from that friend (Krista) this week, and I was reflecting on one of the most important contributions she made to my life. She taught me about majoring in the majors and letting the minors be minor.  She modelled it and gave me permission to let go of unimportant pressures.
I remember marvelling at how she could make sure the things she valued were part of her daily life and her family.  She completed a nursing degree while balancing a shift work schedule, working many over-nights, and while making sure that her kids were involved in activities that were important to their family.  Because she comes from a family of musicians, her kids have had opportunities to learn to play many instruments over the years.  One of the things that allowed Krista to have time for the things she valued was making do.  She made do by substituting, being open to creative solutions, being willing to change, and keeping her goals in sight.  She'd weigh options about how to spend time, choosing only what lined up with her values. She'd substitute ingredients, majoring in having home baking available for her kids while minoring in presentation or the 'rightness' of it. Fancy, pristine, just-right, or just-so weren't part of Krista's life or experience.  If they had been, she couldn't have done what she did. I loved the snacks that came from her house because they were nutritious and fun - like rice krispie squares that also had cheerios in them. She wouldn't run to the store to get whatever the kids wanted or some special excursion food when we went out together (that's what I did!) - she made do with whatever she had and didn't apologize for it.  Everyday things became craft supplies and creative opportunities - her kitchen walls were lined with a always-rotating array of interesting pictures and projects, and she rarely bought things other than markers or paper.
She was conscious of focusing her energy on what she had chosen to spend it on, and she was genuinely able to let go of demands for her attention/time that didn't line up with her 'important' list.  One day it clicked for me; Krista didn't get caught up in 'supposed to' or 'other's expectations'.   She just lived according to the values she had and the priorities she had set for herself and her family. Period. I think I started to do the same, and I'm so thankful for her influence in my life.

One of the things that attracted me to Flatlanders was that same quality of majoring in the majors and letting the minors be just that ... minor.  This was evidenced in the way we shopped and ate, in our decor and throughout the shared living spaces.  All of our practices rotate around the 'majors' of relationship and community .

The more I live here, the more I realize that we are at risk in the same ways as a family is.  The minors can pretty easily become major and the majors can slip down the list with hardly any awareness ....  all of a sudden, a pattern no one really chose is established and we're all looking at each other saying 'how'd that happen?'

A new year is about to start, and I'm looking at a few things in my life  and community - observing spots where the minors have become major and the majors haven't gotten the attention they should have. And so, I'm going to do a Krista-inspired evaluation and hopefully put things in better order.

the year end post

like lots of bloggers, here is a year end compilation of best-ofs, reflections, hopes, thoughts.. all because of the way we understand the significance of that moment between December 31 and January 1st...

best moments of 2010 -

• the year starting with an engagement as the clock struck 12:01 ... followed by a May wedding at our house! 
• deciding to stay long term at Flats
• starting practicum, moving in the direction of dreams, seeing the fruit of hard work
• San Francisco with the family for 9 wonderful days in July!!
• finding out just how much I can cope with and realizing what is on the other side of getting to the place of NOT being able to cope anymore
• mini escapes retreats - Grand Forks, Vancouver, Kenora, Calgary, Hepburn, even Caronport!
• visiting another intentional community - Sojourners - and learning from their structure/practices
• receiving an indian name in a very moving and memorable way
• watching my husband become a student ... one who loves learning, does well, and is accomplishing goals that he never thought were possible for him
• seeing our kids grow into loving our crazy life and crazy choices - watching them interact and reap the benefits of living in community (and maybe even learn a few of the lessons it teaches....)
• having all sorts of new people move in with us, learning about people in deep and meaningful ways, learning what makes them tick and what makes them hide in their rooms.
• realizing that I might just be an okay therapist someday, and realizing that narrative ideas are a good fit with my values and passion for community.  Sort of like a falling into something by accident and realizing that it maybe wasn't so accidental...
• spending time with nieces and nephews, realizing in every visit the deep joy that is part of these relationships!  ' I yuv ewe, unka-telly' - accompanied by a tight squeeze of little arms around my neck - that has to be my favourite phrase of the year!  

best books I read this year - I love books.  I LOVE books - the paper pages and cover kind that we hold in our hand!  I am saddened by the popularity of Kindle and its cousins because I'm afraid they signal the beginning of the end of real books. Here are a few of the bona fide books I loved flipping the pages of this year - cover to cover, with highlighter in hand!

• Stuart Murray's The Naked Anabaptist
• Katie Funk Wiebe's You Never Gave me a Name (Thanks, Lisa!)
• Hauerwas andVaniers's title in the Duke Reconciliation Series Living Gently in a Violent World
• Jonathan Wilson's (Sr.)  Living Faithfully in a Fragmented World (I also enjoyed a coffee date with Jonathan in Vancouver, accompanied by Jess and Noah!)

treasured learning - 

• both/and not either/or - more on this in a future post, I hope.  Suffice it to say that I am internalizing and gaining insights about the co-existence of apparent extremes, learning about contrasts. Especially, I'm becoming more accepting of their frequency and regularity in all of life ... I'm embracing both/and and letting go of either/or. (I guess this is still on the theme of accepting tension)
• marriage - 2010 was hands down the hardest year of married life we've ever had.  2011 will (we hope) be the year of living out the things we learned and leaving behind the things that need to be left behind.  Enough said.

reflections - 

• 2009 and 2010 were both years that I'm glad to see the back-end of.  Thats a yucky feeling - the inner war between being ungrateful and being honest.
• I'm so grateful for the consistent awareness throughout both years of the amazing gift of family and friends who love and support you through challenging circumstances.   I am so grateful for people like Bren, Lorrie, Paul, Lisa, Ted, Karen, Bry, Andy, Bek, Lori, Warren, Lisa B, Sheryl, Zach, Jeff, Amanda, Carol, Rob, Gloria, Cath, Cynthia, Norma, Bruce, Cory, all the Flats (past and present!) - and many others who have supported, prayed, loved, cared, and encouraged. There are so many people (lots not named!) who consistently show me what it is to be a friend. My life is so rich because of the people in it.   
• I can be honest about the consistent struggle in both years - we haven't been able to find the balance, consistency, or the certainty that we once had - yet we try to have a normal life in its absence. Here's to hoping that 2011 is the year of renewed stability. 

looking forward to in 2011 - 

• internship - as I write this, three possibilities for internship are yet to be sifted through and decided upon.  
• more time with friends - we realize that much of our life is taken up with community living stuff, and then there's the business of making ends meet and having time as a couple or as a family... there's precious little left over!  We are both resolving to spend more time with our amazing friends and family in 2011.

year end creativity

I started thinking about my year end collage/vision/reflection board today.  (That's last years pictured - it hangs in our room .... ) This is a tradition I've started in the last couple of years - the board is a compilation of words, phrases, images, ideas.  It helps me to think on what's been and what's ahead....

What are your creative year end activities?  Let's hear about it! 

I accidentally found out that vision boards are not my own invention!

check out this great link for more ideas:

http://www.chookooloonks.com/the-beauty-of-different/2010/12/1/own-your-beauty-creativity.html

Travelblog - San Francisco

This is going to be my last post about our awesome vacation.  I'm compiling the kind of information I loved finding when we were planning our trip .... keep in mind that we are amateur vacation takers.  Until this year, we had never ventured farther than Alberta to the West and Grand Forks to the South.  In the past, if ever we had a few days off in a row, we would use it to 'get stuff done around the house'.  But we promised the kids a trip this year and found ourselves in San Francisco for 9 wonderful days!

Our 'DO List'

• Stay in a neighborhood for at least part of the time.  Public transportation is a breeze.  I'd suggest the Sunset neighborhood, since thats the one we visited.  It has great cafes and shops and is not nearly as touristy.  It's also really close to Golden Gate Park.
• I do recommend the Grant Hotel if you want to be central (very close to Union Square).  It is also close to the much less congested California Line for Cable Cars. (where you can get to the Embarcadero and transfer to a bus or trolley to Fishermans Wharf instead of going directly there)
• An absolute must is the City Pass - which was worth it for the transportation alone.  (never mind the attractions it included!)  Note that it doesn't cover BART, only city transit options.
• visit the Ferry Building area.  The market there is unique (you can get a coffee from Blue Bottle Coffee, with complimentary latte art!). There is an outdoor Farmers Market in the summertime -maybe twice/week? The street vendors there were the most unique and personable.  If you prefer the less touristy and crowded spots, this is a good substitute for Fishermans Wharf.  It's also a lovely place to spend some time just sitting on the pier enjoying your holiday!
• Visit Chinatown on Stockton, not only on Grant.  The prices in Chinatown (on all the 'I love SF' souvenir type stuff) are not really cheaper than the Wharf.
• Go to Alcatraz.  Book through this site well in advance...the evening tour was nice, but I think the daytime would be just as good.  The park tour guides are great sources for stories and interesting history.
• A MUST - take one of these tours leaving from Pier 41 - the hop on/off trolley tour through downtown and the wharf.  Try to get Ramon as your guide, your sides will be hurting by the end of your ride!
• Find your way to Ocean Beach at Balboa, near the Cliff House.  There is a path near the Sutro Ruins which leads right into the parking lot of the Legion of Honor.  Watch the signs there, and make sure to take note of which stairs to take back up.  This is so worth it, an AMAZING hike along the coast.  We saw dolphins playing in the waves as we walked!  For an even longer walk along the beach, start out at the end of the N Line on Judah.
• Find markets near where you're staying and get picnic foods to take along while you explore.
• If you only have time for one museum, make it the Legion of Honor.

Our DON'T List

• The Go San Francisco Card is a good way to get you into lots of different attractions.  But it is expensive!  It can become a dictator of your trip  - so get it if that's what you want.  Be very careful about which days the places you want to visit are open/closed.  We went to four different places in the middle of the week, only to find that they weren't open that day.  Especially the attractions in the SOMA area - they keep some strange weekday hours, so pay attention! Also, if you're getting this card, watch for sales.  We saw it on sale, didn't get it, then decided to get it when it wasn't on sale, then noticed it on sale again later!
• Our whole family found Six Flags Discovery Kingdom to be over-rated.  Maybe we are weird or our kids are getting too old, but we only spent a few hours there and had all had enough.  The food was VERY expensive ($18 for a coffee and three breadsticks!)  Also, taking public transportation to arrive is very pricey - over $20/person all told just to get there... but, the connections are very well timed!The lines for rides and shows weren't long when we were there, and the shows were interesting. (dolphins, whales, tigers)  I think we all struggle with the idea of animals in captivity for our entertainment/enjoyment...
• Don't try to fit everything in.. remember you're on holidays!  We were better at this some days than others. 
• Don't pass up the opportunity to use San Francisco's amazing public transportation.  Cable Cars, trolleys, subways are all easily accessible.  Unless you're going outside of the city, you don't really need a car at all.
• Don't worry about your workouts - just walk lots and don't avoid the hills!
• don't neglect the many homeless people in San Francisco.  Take some time to chat, hear stories.  Buy an extra water bottle or sandwich and make someone's day as you're out walking/exploring. 
• If you can avoid it, don't visit in July/August!
• An airport shuttle is about the same price as BART to SFO, and its more convenient.
• if you're Canadian, don't forget to watch for Westjet seat sales to San Francisco... if you're from Winnipeg, you might have to fly out of another city, though!

We'd recommend a SF vacation to anyone!

Be prepared for tourists EVERYWHERE! 

a story worth sharing.

I've posted before about what it was like for our family to find ourselves in a completely different story than the one we envisioned when our circumstances changed drastically last year.  It felt like an tidal wave engulfed us and somedays it still feels like we're dripping wet and wondering what the heck hit us.  (Those days are thankfully fewer and fewer!)

In the face of so much confusion, we decided to come to Flatlanders for a school year and spend some time serving, learning, healing, and re-orienting ourselves.  We figured it would be clear at the end what direction we'd continue in.  Flatlanders was a perfect fit for who we are as a family, and especially in light of what we'd experienced  - but we thought it was only for the short term!

Sometime in the early spring, we started talking with folks here about the future.  And what it might look like if we CONTINUED to live at Flatlanders.  We were as shocked as anyone to be seriously considering it.  A few times in the early months of living in community, Bren and I would look knowingly at each other, communicating... 'we won't miss THIS when we move out of here next year!'  The month of November was particularly challenging; there were a few times when we wondered if we'd make it to June at all.

Then the snow was melting and the weather started warming, and we began exploring lots of good options for our family.  Moving back to the town our house lives in was pretty high on the list of possibilities.  One of our kids desperately wanted that to happen.  But the more we explored, the less likely it seemed.  A number of other options just didn't feel right either - it was like walking by a beautiful dress in a window and loving it until you try it on and realize that even though it FITS, its not 'you' at all.

In some bizarre, but yet really basic way, Flatlanders (for us, anyway) was more like a dress that you walk by and don't even notice - then one day you actually SEE it, and realize ' I love this - its just right!'  (I can hear Brendan snickering as he reads this - no, he doesn't try on dresses!!)

So, one Thursday in April, over lunch, we told our friend Andy that we had made our decision, and we wanted to stay and join the Long Term Team; a minimum two year commitment!  He was surprised and excited about what this might mean for the future.  We thought the focus of the next year would be recruiting more leaders and establishing a strong core team for the community. 

Our biggest challenge during our first year at Flats was not having enough leadership, and not having enough time to feel like we were addressing the needs around us very well.  We often felt very alone in the task of being the 'stable core' of the community.  (And what miracle earned us the title of 'stable', anyway?!)  Priority #1 for the future would be addressing the leadership gap ... or so we thought.

The best part of the story?

The same day we told Andy we were 'signing on the dotted line', he told us he'd gotten an email from a family who wanted to talk more about moving into Flatlanders as leaders... with their three boys (all under 7!)

That same night, Andy went to a meeting and met up with two other couples (one of whom has a 4 year old and is expecting baby #2 any day), and they also said they were interested in talking more about Flatlanders and leadership.

Shortly after that, two of the founding members of the community started coming around, spending more time, hanging out for weekends.  We figured out that they were exploring the possibility of moving back in and wanted a good read on the community dynamics.

The rest of the story is that all of those interested parties are moving in this summer.  For fall,  our leadership team is complete, and we are already working together, discerning how we'll grocery shop, care for the place, hang out with our neighborhood friends more, and be an effective, authentic, transparent and caring team.  Tomorrow, we are working on our greenspace and doing deep clean together, followed by a potluck bbq.  We are having so much fun getting to know each other, knowing that we'll soon be sharing much of life together.

It makes me smile all over to think that these details were already being woven together while we were wondering where the people were going to come from.  I shake my head at the astounding evidence of God's care and provision for Flatlanders. 

When I pause to consider the origins of the concept that became our community, it is amazing that the funding, the energy, the practicalities, the construction and zoning, that ALL the many, many details came together.  Its impossible NOT to see faithfulness and provision, a nurturing and able hand getting right up close to all the details.  Would you believe that the seeds started in the idealistic minds of some young theology students from CMU?  That there was sufficient faith for those seeds to find water, soil, light - to blossom and bear fruit over and over again?  And in ways no one initially envisioned?

Praise the Lord, for the Lord is good; sing to his name for he is gracious.  For I know that the Lord is great; our Lord is above all gods.  Whatever the Lord pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps.  He it is who makes the clouds rise at the end of the earth; he makes lightnings for the rain and brings wind from his storehouses.- psalm 135

Thanks for reading about our exciting times.. can't wait to share the stories to come.  We are pretty sure we wont live in community forever, but we're sure glad for the chance to do it for now.

Here are some good words from some of our new friends moving into Flatlanders this summer;  (from an email sharing the decision with their friends and family)

"Our hope is to be more relatable, not less. As we learn God’s heart, we want to grow more alive, less dull, in this adventure. We seek greater perspective, learning and immersed, unsheltered from our world and one another. We want to experience real living. Not perfect living. Not safe living. But a rich, good life full of highs and lows, joy and sorrow, faith and uncertainty, as we share our family and learn the meaning of life with others. " (S & J)

 “Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing”.  - Helen Keller
 

43 things

so.. perhaps I'm reinventing myself?! I bought this book today at Kite and Kaboodle at Johnston Terminal at the Forks. Of course I love a whole book about lists!!

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a

Self-Improving Extroverted Believer