immersion

“Your profession is not what brings 

home your paycheck. Your profession is what 

you were put on earth to do with such 

passion and such intensity that it 

becomes spiritual in calling.”     

Vincent Van Gogh

  I asked for a copy of this image as a birthday present.  I can't recall ever asking for a specific thing before. I had seen it in a show 2 years ago - framed with the Van Gogh quote along the bottom - and I was completely captivated by it. The image is actually the cover of a book**, which includes lots of amazing underwater shots -  but what I asked for (and got) was a large, framed copy of the image just by itself. 

Anyway, I don't know what Rod and Sonya of Eve Studios named this image, but what came to mind while I stared at it was 'immersion'. Here is a bit of what it says to me so far...

It speaks to me about living risky and immersed, exposed and vulnerable.  Plunging in anyway, somehow staying on track in spite of yourself.  Knowing that there are costs and being willing to pay them. Looking fear and complacency right in the eye and saying (with intensity and conviction) ' you two are LOUD, but maybe you don't get to have the last word ..." 

I think this image gave me a visual representation I could associate with courageously living differently. I don't always feel that courage, but there ARE times when it is intensely present, brimming over even.

The profession reference in the quote (for me, anyway) speaks to living at and being part of  Flatlanders Inn. As I recall, when I saw this image for the first time, I had recently experienced yet another encounter with someone who looked at me like I had three heads because we choose to live where and how we do. This image gave me a visual - something to rest in and help me feel okay in my own skin and about our choices, okay to be our family -  just the way we are, and to immerse ourselves into something deep and life-altering without guarantees or even the support we sometimes wish we had more of.  We know that what we're doing isn't normal, and we know that many people won't or can't open themselves to something that seems so different.  (It isn't actually that different, but fear and complacency are loud, great convincers for humans!)

At the same time, there is so much grace communicated; its as if the model is suspended in the water. There is a sureness about her that seems out of place. As a viewer, if you've ever been in a swimming pool, you know she can't be suspended, its impossible - you know she's sinking and that her limbs must be moving. It makes me wonder: do our human attempts to do things that feel risky, unstable, like guaranteed failure, things that look just plain ridiculous... do they look this beautiful if captured in a certain moment, through a certain lens or from a certain perspective? Can we be graceful when we feel clumsy, laborious, unsure?  Do faith and trust help the whole thing to appear graceful when its also cloudy and confusing?  Is that part of what it means for calling to be spiritual - that there is a lot of risk and uncertainty in it?

Anyway, as of my birthday last week, I get to be inspired by this image every single day.  The ways to engage with it are endless..... I'm thankful to Lorrie, Lisa, Karen, Bren, Cory, and Bek for all pitching in so that I could contemplate 'immersion' every day!

** Those photo books are still available, by the way, and the proceeds from sales support water projects in the developing world. (Go here for more info if you're interested in the book - i think the shipping is free!)  You can also search out the H2Oohhh exhibit page on Facebook for more info.

major in the majors

 When my kids were small, they attended a nursery school in St. Vital. A few weeks into our first year of school, another mom and I noticed that we seemed to be coming from and going to the same place.  We started to walk together, and a friendship was born, one that continues to this day. It helped that our kids were the same age, and that we lived only two blocks apart at the time.  Our sons went to that nursery school together, and then a couple of years later, our daughters followed.  All those years, we'd walk together, often having play dates before or after school. Many warm coffees were shared, along with laughter and a pretty significant contribution to each other's families.
I just got a birthday note from that friend (Krista) this week, and I was reflecting on one of the most important contributions she made to my life. She taught me about majoring in the majors and letting the minors be minor.  She modelled it and gave me permission to let go of unimportant pressures.
I remember marvelling at how she could make sure the things she valued were part of her daily life and her family.  She completed a nursing degree while balancing a shift work schedule, working many over-nights, and while making sure that her kids were involved in activities that were important to their family.  Because she comes from a family of musicians, her kids have had opportunities to learn to play many instruments over the years.  One of the things that allowed Krista to have time for the things she valued was making do.  She made do by substituting, being open to creative solutions, being willing to change, and keeping her goals in sight.  She'd weigh options about how to spend time, choosing only what lined up with her values. She'd substitute ingredients, majoring in having home baking available for her kids while minoring in presentation or the 'rightness' of it. Fancy, pristine, just-right, or just-so weren't part of Krista's life or experience.  If they had been, she couldn't have done what she did. I loved the snacks that came from her house because they were nutritious and fun - like rice krispie squares that also had cheerios in them. She wouldn't run to the store to get whatever the kids wanted or some special excursion food when we went out together (that's what I did!) - she made do with whatever she had and didn't apologize for it.  Everyday things became craft supplies and creative opportunities - her kitchen walls were lined with a always-rotating array of interesting pictures and projects, and she rarely bought things other than markers or paper.
She was conscious of focusing her energy on what she had chosen to spend it on, and she was genuinely able to let go of demands for her attention/time that didn't line up with her 'important' list.  One day it clicked for me; Krista didn't get caught up in 'supposed to' or 'other's expectations'.   She just lived according to the values she had and the priorities she had set for herself and her family. Period. I think I started to do the same, and I'm so thankful for her influence in my life.

One of the things that attracted me to Flatlanders was that same quality of majoring in the majors and letting the minors be just that ... minor.  This was evidenced in the way we shopped and ate, in our decor and throughout the shared living spaces.  All of our practices rotate around the 'majors' of relationship and community .

The more I live here, the more I realize that we are at risk in the same ways as a family is.  The minors can pretty easily become major and the majors can slip down the list with hardly any awareness ....  all of a sudden, a pattern no one really chose is established and we're all looking at each other saying 'how'd that happen?'

A new year is about to start, and I'm looking at a few things in my life  and community - observing spots where the minors have become major and the majors haven't gotten the attention they should have. And so, I'm going to do a Krista-inspired evaluation and hopefully put things in better order.

the paths we take

How often I found where I should be going only by setting out for somewhere else.     B.Fuller

I recently asked a talented friend of mine if she'd consider doing a series of images (any media or canvas) for me to hang in my office. I'd been keeping a list of ideas on a very precious pink sticky note for the last year or so.  The ideas are relevant to both counselor and client; metaphors or symbols that might speak to anyone who happens to be sitting in that office. She enthusiastically agreed, even though I can only afford to pay her a pittance.  The first image was done last week.  

Apparently, as soon as she knew 'path' was one of the ideas, this whole painting sprung immediately into her mind. 

This week, I've been contemplating the path our life has taken over the past few years. Walking around in the peaceful, sleepy village of Caronport reminds me of our first year in another Saskatchewan town a few years ago. At first I couldn't put my finger on the sense of familiarity I kept noticing every time I was outside, but then I remembered that these feelings of safety, peace, and hope were with me in our first year in Hepburn.

Tonight I walked past the student housing on campus and chuckled when I remembered our tour here before we decided to move to Flatlanders.  Our kids didn't want to live in such a small house... They ended up living in a much, much smaller space!
   I remembered my son's face lighting up when he saw the bus the high school students travel around in for sports events ... I think he'd have done well here.               
        But our path took us back to Winnipeg, back to the North End we thought we'd left behind two years earlier. 

In class, I'm thinking about thesis and research, and being encouraged to narrow, ever narrow the topic.  It's so hard, because there are so many things I want to study, so many possibilities for future research and community work. I reflect on how much has changed since I sent in that tentative application for a Masters program, and wonder where this path is leading .... 

                                                              For who is God except the Lord?

      Who but our God is a solid rock?

 God is my strong fortress,

      and he makes my way perfect.

 He makes me as surefooted as a deer,

      enabling me to stand on mountain heights.

 He trains my hands for battle;

      he strengthens my arm to draw a bronze bow.

 You have made a wide path for my feet

      to keep them from slipping.

2 Sam 22, NLT

echoes, phantoms and expectations

Lately, I've been reading and thinking about gender roles/expectations.  I came across some interesting stuff last week... 

Virginia Woolf (1882-1941) was famous for writing,  and later on for speaking up on behalf of women. (and maybe for being a bit unstable...)  She expressed and embodied some of the struggle that was being experienced by the women (and men!) of her day.  Rather than telling you my interpretation of the tension she lived with, here are some of her memoir words, from a lecture in 1931.

'I discovered that ... I should need to do battle with a certain phantom.  And the phantom was a woman... I called her after the heroine of a famous poem,, 'The Angel in the House'.... you who come of a younger and happier generation may have not heard of her... I will describe her... She was intensely sympathetic.  She was immensely charming.  She was utterly unselfish.  She excelled in the difficult arts of family life.  She sacrificed herself daily.  If there was chicken, she took the leg; if there was draught she sat in it - in short she was so constituted that she never had a mind or a wish of her own, but preferred to sympathize always with the minds and wishes of others.  Above all - I need not say it - she was pure. Her purity was supposed to be her chief beauty, her blushes, her great grace.  ... every house had its Angel ... the shadow of her wings (falls) on my page, I (hear) the rustle of her skirts in the room... (she whispers to me) 'my dear, you are a young woman ... be sympathetic; be tender; flatter; deceive; use all the arts and wiles of our sex.  Never let anybody guess that you have a mind of your own.  Above all, be pure'.  ... I now record the one act for which I take some credit to myself ... I turned upon her and caught her by the throat.  I did my best to kill her.  My excuse, if I were to be had up in a court of law, would be that I acted in self defense.  Had I not killed her she would have killed me ... for, as I found, you cannot put pen to paper .. without having a mind of your own, without expressing what you think to be the truth about human relations, morality, sex.  And all these questions, according to the Angel in the House, cannot be dealt with freely and openly by women; they must charm, they must conciliate, they must .. tell lies if they are to succeed.  Thus, whenever I felt the shadow of her wing or the radiance of her halo upon my page, I took up the inkpot and flung it at her.  She died hard.  Her fictitious nature was of great assistance to her.  It is far harder to kill a phantom than a reality.  She was always creeping back when I thought I had despatched her.   - from Woolf's In the Death of the Moth and other Essays.  As quoted by Daniel Levinson in Seasons of a Woman's Life.

Even though we are living in a world that is very different from Woolf's 1931,   I find myself wondering why is Woolf's phantom description still familiar?  

grateful

  

honestly?  Grateful isn't what I want to write about today.  Oh, I'm grateful, don't get me wrong.  Just not right now.  Right now, I'm in fixing mode. Fixing puts grateful on the back burner - maybe off the stove all together!  Let's be even more honest - fixing preoccupies me; it makes me unable to see grace. I'm managing, listing, planning, and orchestrating.  Trying, striving, and re-configuring.  
So, i will take this prompt as a reminder not to get lost in the trees and lose sight of the forest. 
Gratefulness helps us SEE.  It helps us LET GO.  It helps us EMBRACE.just writing a few words, suddenly, all the things I'm grateful for come flooding in ...  laughing till my face hurts flowers on my pillowsmiles from strangersre-do's journalling pages that inspire and attend to my heartold friends and long walkssteak dinners my husband's colognegracehappy kids with chocolatey facesholding handstender toucheshomemade french friesahh... time's up.  
Gypsy Mama challenges us with a topic to write about - unedited - every Friday.  Today's topic was Grateful.Join in!

ordinary radicals

Last week, we had a special guest visit us for lunch one day...  Shane Claiborne was in the city speaking to a gathering of Canadian YFC staff, so we took a chance that he might be interested in our community and invited him over for lunch. Turns out he gets those kind of invites all the time, and genuinely enjoys seeing what other communities are up to.

So, Bren whipped up some bannock sandwiches and broccoli soup, and we all ate and chatted.  We asked him about sustainability, inspiration, and the content of internships at Simple Way.  He asked us about shared vehicles, exercise equipment, and using our artspace for community engagement.  (I had a good laugh when he snapped a photo of our van rules - he especially liked the $5 surcharge for leaving a mess in the shared vehicle... I guess my husband goes down to their place and leaves coffee cups all over their van too?!?)  We saw some really sweet pics of his lovely new wife and their wedding day in their neighborhood.  It was low key, helpful, and encouraging to be together.

A really inspiring part of the lunch was that 3 of the folks who were there shared with Shane that Irresistible Revolution - and other books he's written or contributed to - were part of the reason they were at Flatlanders at all. That his writing had shaped their decision to be part of living in community.  I was one of the three; I remember when I got my copy of Irresistible Revolution for Christmas one year and had it done by New Years Day.  I underlined things like:

• We can admire and worship Jesus without doing what he did.  We can applaud what he preached and stood up for without caring about the same things. (p. 113)  
• the nature of the kingdom of god has an ethic and economy that is diametrically opposed to those of the world (p. 104)
• Even though there is enough for everyone, greed and injustice will always create poor people in the land, so God teaches us personal responsibility to our poor neighbors... God systematically interrupts the human systems that create poverty. (p. 171)

Although we didn't expect otherwise, it turns out that Shane is just a regular guy who likes to eat lunch around noon time.  Imagine that; a very ordinary person doing radical things.....

This shot has nothing to do with lunch.  i just want to brag about getting better with the camera... this is fireworks from Canada Day at the Forks.

home, unedited

Gypsy Mama does a 5 minute friday routine where she gives a prompt, and we write on the topic for five minutes.
 we don't re-write, re-think, backspace and start over.. we just go. I'm off today, so here's a little try.

 so, here I go... home is today's topic...

my husband and my family are the usual thoughts i have when i think of home.
 that safe embrace. the quiet whispers, the shared memories, the jokes we know, the stories we share.
 the way we can read a look, a feeling, as if it were scrawled in big letters across the ceiling.
 home is safe, or at least its supposed to be.
 home is intimacy, security.
 some houses have been great homes for us, but not all.
 some years have been wonderful for building our 'home' with one another. other years have torn down what was built before.
 experiences have been so important in the shaping of home, too. Many experiences strengthen our home among eachother. Some have weakened it considerably.

 home. sweet. deep. right. .... and hard, achingly so, sometimes.

 ...and - quit. (I did hit backspace a few times.)

 learn more here, scroll to the bottom to participate.

breakthrough

i guess when it rains it pours... no posts for a month, then two in two days :)

i am in the midst of some monumental thankfulness these days. Here are two reasons....

I have begun interning as a marriage and family therapist, and I cannot believe how much i love this work.  I have a internship that is so perfect for me I can hardly believe it.  Many of my fellow students intern in exchange for supervision, but I have a bona fide job ...  AND my clinical supervisor is at an agency in the mall a short walk from where I work.  It's beautiful.  But those details are not the best part.
The best part is the work I get to do, and the clients I get to work with. I have taken to telling people I would walk over hot coals every morning to get to this job.  I work in an inner city agency that offers free counseling.  People hear about us from all sorts of different sources, lots of times from outside the neighborhood.  Every single day I hear heartbreaking stories of trauma and pain.  And every single day, I hear heart-filling stories of strength, resilience, of facing realities with courage and determination.  I am familiar with the labels that get put on neighborhoods like the one I work in.  I wish those who perpetuate the stereotypes could sit in my office some days.  I wish they could hear what some of the families are overcoming, how much success they have in spite of tremendous obstacles.  I wish people could have a little insight into how much strength it takes to say NO to denial, numbing, and letting pain be in charge of your life.  I wish the general public was aware of how much energy it takes to turn your life around and maintain that turnaround... when the reasons it was messed up in the first place weren't your choice at all.  I appreciate our clients so much.

The other big thing I am thankful for is that our house sold!  We first listed it 27 months ago. Yes, that is over two years.  Two years of praying, wondering, feeling 'on hold', cursing, going into debt, and being on a roller coaster.  Two years of trusting and hoping amid all that agonizing.  We were always cared for and provided for... but we also were always teetering on the edge.  The edge of despair, the edge of sanity, the edge of a cliff!  We had gone on a spring walk in Point Douglas last weekend when we returned to a phone call on the Flats landline (we hardly ever use that phone because we usually rely on cell phones) that told us our agent was going to be faxing us an offer in the next couple of hours.  The conditions were lifted on Wednesday, and the new owners take possession next week!  So we waited, waited, waited, and waited some more for two years, then had to spring into action to get everything finalized in one week!  We are relieved and thankful.

Last fall, someone from church told me that she believed that Lord was speaking a message of breakthrough to our family, even though she didn't know that much about our circumstances.  Sitting quietly this week, taking in all the news we've gotten lately, it sure seems like breakthrough.

spaces

I did a post last year about aesthetics, and I find myself thinking on that topic some more. This time, I'm thinking about physical spaces more than I am about beauty.

 I'm intrigued by the influence our physical environment has on us.  I wonder how much we can be swayed because we believe the environment is a really important influence.(Does it matter as much if we have no idea its supposed to matter?!?)  I find myself wondering how much the media message (in magazines, on sitcom sets, in the weekend lifestyle pullout section of the paper, on TLC programs, ....)  that tells us what a desirable space is supposed to look like has influenced us to feel more or less at peace depending how well we've achieved the right look.....

Even though I am aware that there is some level of influence between state of mind and the external environment, I continue to be resistant to over-emphasizing the importance of decor/space/aesthetics.  I wonder if our culture has been too prone to poorly ordered priorities, and if our 'space' may be one of those things that gets more attention than it should.

I found this old issue of a Manitoba periodical called the Birth Vine in my office, and there in the middle of it were a few pages penned by one of my good friends, a midwife who spent some time working at a birthing clinic in the Philippines a few years ago.  She wrote a lot about the state of healthcare in developing regions where poverty is widespread.  But she also wrote about her family's adjustment to living in very cramped quarters that were very different from the North American home they had come from.   Many of her patients pooped into a bag because they didn't have a toilet.  She gained perspective when she compared realities around her to the desire to have her place set up 'just so', or to have enough rubbermaid containers to feel more organized.  What would some of her clients - who might not even have electricity  - have to say about the fact that we have huge superstore-warehouses devoted to light fixtures,  so that homeowners can find just the perfect accent piece for a certain wall.  (I know this ... I was in one today!) Or how would they respond when we get all bent out of shape because lighting isn't 'just right' and a desired 'ambience' hasn't been achieved?  What does ambience look like in a one room hut, anyway?

The conclusions I'm drawing have to do with rightly ordering things, which I think is what I ended up saying in my other post on this topic last year.

Sure, space and environment are worth thinking about.  But maybe we should think about them in the context of how they support priorities like relationship.  Maybe we should be wary of a preoccupation with 'spaces' that might displace other things that should be more central.  And maybe we should draw lines for ourselves so we can say 'stop' before we've crossed over and given 'spaces' more weight than we should.  And maybe we should think about how the rest of the world lives.

the year end post

like lots of bloggers, here is a year end compilation of best-ofs, reflections, hopes, thoughts.. all because of the way we understand the significance of that moment between December 31 and January 1st...

best moments of 2010 -

• the year starting with an engagement as the clock struck 12:01 ... followed by a May wedding at our house! 
• deciding to stay long term at Flats
• starting practicum, moving in the direction of dreams, seeing the fruit of hard work
• San Francisco with the family for 9 wonderful days in July!!
• finding out just how much I can cope with and realizing what is on the other side of getting to the place of NOT being able to cope anymore
• mini escapes retreats - Grand Forks, Vancouver, Kenora, Calgary, Hepburn, even Caronport!
• visiting another intentional community - Sojourners - and learning from their structure/practices
• receiving an indian name in a very moving and memorable way
• watching my husband become a student ... one who loves learning, does well, and is accomplishing goals that he never thought were possible for him
• seeing our kids grow into loving our crazy life and crazy choices - watching them interact and reap the benefits of living in community (and maybe even learn a few of the lessons it teaches....)
• having all sorts of new people move in with us, learning about people in deep and meaningful ways, learning what makes them tick and what makes them hide in their rooms.
• realizing that I might just be an okay therapist someday, and realizing that narrative ideas are a good fit with my values and passion for community.  Sort of like a falling into something by accident and realizing that it maybe wasn't so accidental...
• spending time with nieces and nephews, realizing in every visit the deep joy that is part of these relationships!  ' I yuv ewe, unka-telly' - accompanied by a tight squeeze of little arms around my neck - that has to be my favourite phrase of the year!  

best books I read this year - I love books.  I LOVE books - the paper pages and cover kind that we hold in our hand!  I am saddened by the popularity of Kindle and its cousins because I'm afraid they signal the beginning of the end of real books. Here are a few of the bona fide books I loved flipping the pages of this year - cover to cover, with highlighter in hand!

• Stuart Murray's The Naked Anabaptist
• Katie Funk Wiebe's You Never Gave me a Name (Thanks, Lisa!)
• Hauerwas andVaniers's title in the Duke Reconciliation Series Living Gently in a Violent World
• Jonathan Wilson's (Sr.)  Living Faithfully in a Fragmented World (I also enjoyed a coffee date with Jonathan in Vancouver, accompanied by Jess and Noah!)

treasured learning - 

• both/and not either/or - more on this in a future post, I hope.  Suffice it to say that I am internalizing and gaining insights about the co-existence of apparent extremes, learning about contrasts. Especially, I'm becoming more accepting of their frequency and regularity in all of life ... I'm embracing both/and and letting go of either/or. (I guess this is still on the theme of accepting tension)
• marriage - 2010 was hands down the hardest year of married life we've ever had.  2011 will (we hope) be the year of living out the things we learned and leaving behind the things that need to be left behind.  Enough said.

reflections - 

• 2009 and 2010 were both years that I'm glad to see the back-end of.  Thats a yucky feeling - the inner war between being ungrateful and being honest.
• I'm so grateful for the consistent awareness throughout both years of the amazing gift of family and friends who love and support you through challenging circumstances.   I am so grateful for people like Bren, Lorrie, Paul, Lisa, Ted, Karen, Bry, Andy, Bek, Lori, Warren, Lisa B, Sheryl, Zach, Jeff, Amanda, Carol, Rob, Gloria, Cath, Cynthia, Norma, Bruce, Cory, all the Flats (past and present!) - and many others who have supported, prayed, loved, cared, and encouraged. There are so many people (lots not named!) who consistently show me what it is to be a friend. My life is so rich because of the people in it.   
• I can be honest about the consistent struggle in both years - we haven't been able to find the balance, consistency, or the certainty that we once had - yet we try to have a normal life in its absence. Here's to hoping that 2011 is the year of renewed stability. 

looking forward to in 2011 - 

• internship - as I write this, three possibilities for internship are yet to be sifted through and decided upon.  
• more time with friends - we realize that much of our life is taken up with community living stuff, and then there's the business of making ends meet and having time as a couple or as a family... there's precious little left over!  We are both resolving to spend more time with our amazing friends and family in 2011.

a story worth sharing.

I've posted before about what it was like for our family to find ourselves in a completely different story than the one we envisioned when our circumstances changed drastically last year.  It felt like an tidal wave engulfed us and somedays it still feels like we're dripping wet and wondering what the heck hit us.  (Those days are thankfully fewer and fewer!)

In the face of so much confusion, we decided to come to Flatlanders for a school year and spend some time serving, learning, healing, and re-orienting ourselves.  We figured it would be clear at the end what direction we'd continue in.  Flatlanders was a perfect fit for who we are as a family, and especially in light of what we'd experienced  - but we thought it was only for the short term!

Sometime in the early spring, we started talking with folks here about the future.  And what it might look like if we CONTINUED to live at Flatlanders.  We were as shocked as anyone to be seriously considering it.  A few times in the early months of living in community, Bren and I would look knowingly at each other, communicating... 'we won't miss THIS when we move out of here next year!'  The month of November was particularly challenging; there were a few times when we wondered if we'd make it to June at all.

Then the snow was melting and the weather started warming, and we began exploring lots of good options for our family.  Moving back to the town our house lives in was pretty high on the list of possibilities.  One of our kids desperately wanted that to happen.  But the more we explored, the less likely it seemed.  A number of other options just didn't feel right either - it was like walking by a beautiful dress in a window and loving it until you try it on and realize that even though it FITS, its not 'you' at all.

In some bizarre, but yet really basic way, Flatlanders (for us, anyway) was more like a dress that you walk by and don't even notice - then one day you actually SEE it, and realize ' I love this - its just right!'  (I can hear Brendan snickering as he reads this - no, he doesn't try on dresses!!)

So, one Thursday in April, over lunch, we told our friend Andy that we had made our decision, and we wanted to stay and join the Long Term Team; a minimum two year commitment!  He was surprised and excited about what this might mean for the future.  We thought the focus of the next year would be recruiting more leaders and establishing a strong core team for the community. 

Our biggest challenge during our first year at Flats was not having enough leadership, and not having enough time to feel like we were addressing the needs around us very well.  We often felt very alone in the task of being the 'stable core' of the community.  (And what miracle earned us the title of 'stable', anyway?!)  Priority #1 for the future would be addressing the leadership gap ... or so we thought.

The best part of the story?

The same day we told Andy we were 'signing on the dotted line', he told us he'd gotten an email from a family who wanted to talk more about moving into Flatlanders as leaders... with their three boys (all under 7!)

That same night, Andy went to a meeting and met up with two other couples (one of whom has a 4 year old and is expecting baby #2 any day), and they also said they were interested in talking more about Flatlanders and leadership.

Shortly after that, two of the founding members of the community started coming around, spending more time, hanging out for weekends.  We figured out that they were exploring the possibility of moving back in and wanted a good read on the community dynamics.

The rest of the story is that all of those interested parties are moving in this summer.  For fall,  our leadership team is complete, and we are already working together, discerning how we'll grocery shop, care for the place, hang out with our neighborhood friends more, and be an effective, authentic, transparent and caring team.  Tomorrow, we are working on our greenspace and doing deep clean together, followed by a potluck bbq.  We are having so much fun getting to know each other, knowing that we'll soon be sharing much of life together.

It makes me smile all over to think that these details were already being woven together while we were wondering where the people were going to come from.  I shake my head at the astounding evidence of God's care and provision for Flatlanders. 

When I pause to consider the origins of the concept that became our community, it is amazing that the funding, the energy, the practicalities, the construction and zoning, that ALL the many, many details came together.  Its impossible NOT to see faithfulness and provision, a nurturing and able hand getting right up close to all the details.  Would you believe that the seeds started in the idealistic minds of some young theology students from CMU?  That there was sufficient faith for those seeds to find water, soil, light - to blossom and bear fruit over and over again?  And in ways no one initially envisioned?

Praise the Lord, for the Lord is good; sing to his name for he is gracious.  For I know that the Lord is great; our Lord is above all gods.  Whatever the Lord pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps.  He it is who makes the clouds rise at the end of the earth; he makes lightnings for the rain and brings wind from his storehouses.- psalm 135

Thanks for reading about our exciting times.. can't wait to share the stories to come.  We are pretty sure we wont live in community forever, but we're sure glad for the chance to do it for now.

Here are some good words from some of our new friends moving into Flatlanders this summer;  (from an email sharing the decision with their friends and family)

"Our hope is to be more relatable, not less. As we learn God’s heart, we want to grow more alive, less dull, in this adventure. We seek greater perspective, learning and immersed, unsheltered from our world and one another. We want to experience real living. Not perfect living. Not safe living. But a rich, good life full of highs and lows, joy and sorrow, faith and uncertainty, as we share our family and learn the meaning of life with others. " (S & J)

 “Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing”.  - Helen Keller
 

pausing ... a photo post

The last month or so has been pretty intense.  Not overwhelming kind of intense, but a really focused time, with a few projects on the go.  I actually enjoy seasons like this!  Nevertheless, this week is an intentional time of pause and reflection.  Here are a few photos of what we've been up to....

We hosted a team of local students on an innercity ministry exposure week. 

Here we are on day one ...

I sent the team on a prayer artifacts walk early in the week.

This is one of the artifacts... a piece of metal found nearby, both a reminder of

how scrap metal is a source of income for some people in our neighborhood, but also

a profound image of the 'incompleteness' that is common to all of us.

We visited with some neighbors in a nearby housing complex.

It was a spontaneous time, and ended up being a great afternoon where

we learned that 'unplanned' can lead to great opportunities. (and great photos!)

The whole week was an exercise in trusting for me, as my preference would be

to schedule and orchestrate in 8 minute blocks.. but I resisted my tendencies and it was great.

The theme of our week was 'Beauty in Unlikely Places - Seeing beyond the Stereotypes'

We were building towards a shared meal with new friends on Good Friday.  It was a success!  We served about 50 people and made some good connections.

The week ended with a Walk of the Cross.  Nate led us to several nearby locations where

neighbors and friends were remembered, and their stories told.  This was poignant not only because of

Passion Week, but also because we'd been reflecting as a team during the week about the importance of relationship because it honors people who are often stereotyped or judged in our society.

This is just me :)

It was taken at my sister Lisa's place, on a night when my three sisters and I got

together with our mom's sisters.  I wore this colorful scarf because it was my mom's.

I've carried it around with me all these years (along with a few other momentos...)

This year makes 20 years since she died.

One of my favorite faces at our drop in....

One of the big projects I worked on this month was an Adult Series in our church..

I facilitated discussion about Addiction as a Spiritual disorder...

I 'assigned' a creative response project for the Easter Sunday class.

This is my husbands painting

... a little interpretation? ... addiction blocks out the light of relationship, the beauty of life.  There is a 'boulder' in front of the Light.. but as it was on Easter Sunday, it can be rolled away to reveal a radically different and renewed Life.

he's deeper than he lets on, that sweet hubby of mine...!

and this was my creative response.  it comes mostly from a worship song I adore called

Stand on The Rock... I just wanted a visual reminder of what is fundamental for me in the midst of great insights and theories about human behavior...

Out on a walk by the Red River...

'mom, can i take this signpost home and put it in my room?'

 ... 'NO...!!'

'okay, then at least take my picture with it!'

The Ethic of Dishes

Class last week was about Counselling Ethics. Amid studying counselling contracts and various associations' codes of ethics, we also centred our time each day around the 'Ethics of the Kingdom.' (It's good to be in a counselling program at a seminary!) This was accomplished by spending 60-90 minutes reflecting on the Sermon on the Mount - individually and in groups. It was a wonderful exercise, and I know it'll help me in practice far more than the many case studies about all the creative ways clients might someday find to sue me.

In our discussions, we referred often to 'a righteousness that surpasses that of the Pharisees.' (Matthew 5:20) We kept going back to it as we realized that in our future work - as in life - it all centers around something more than adherence to rules. (or codes of ethics) Those rules/codes are important, (not abolished) - but if thats all there is, then there is very little indeed.

This post could be about the theological insights and counselling application found in the Sermon on the Mount; but instead, its about an issue of communal living that tops the list of things that irritate people.

Do dishes in your house pile up? They do here. Not every day, but some days, everyone just takes a stance of 'I didn't use it; I'm not washing it!' - it has actually happened that everyone goes on strike until all the dishes are dirty. You think I'm kidding. Not so.

It is easy to think that all we need is to apply rules.

Rule #1: If you use a dish, wash it.

thats basic, right? Should make everything go swimmingly, if only everyone would JUST DO IT!!

But then, what about the dryer rack of clean dishes that need to be sanitized? (We have commercial sanitizers, not dishwashers, in both kitchens)

Rule #2: If you put the dish into the rack that makes it 'full', load them all into the sanitizer.

But, what about when the sanitizer is finished the cycle? Whose 'job' is it to put those steaming hot dishes away?

Rule #3: Wait for the sanitizer to be done and then put them away.

But what about when I've done it the last 10 times and all anyone ever seems to do is wash their one dish?

Rule #4: Talk about sharing the load with others. Ask for help if no offers are forthcoming.

But what about ....

Its ridiculous how long that list could get, and its just about DISHES, for goodness sake?

And we didn't even mention so many other situation arising from the task of dishes; what about when a dish wasn't specifically used by you, or when everyone is sharing the leftovers from last night's supper and no one feels like the utensils, pots, and bowl are 'their' dish? And what about cleaning out the sink, especially the gungy stuff that collects around the drain? Should we parcel that out as a special role too? Maybe we could make a rule about how much grubby stuff should be left on your plate after eating, so that not too much of same grubby stuff ends up clogging the drain. And what about the crumbs and spills on the counter? Everyone claims that its not their mess, so it can sit there for a long time...

It can get complicated if we only have rules to tell us how to live together. And the thing about rules is that there are always exceptions. You're sick, you're busy, you've already fulfilled many obligations today... If all we have is rules, we may be able to create an illusion of community, but its superficial... hingeing on constant obedience or the next time someone breaks a rule.

Conversely, if we have no rules, chaos reigns.

So, what can we do?

This is where the ethic comes in.. the ethic of the dishes. (or the ethic of the kingdom :)

Notice those around you. They're blessed, they're loved. Pitch in! Be a light, don't add to the darkness. (or the messiness) Be an example. Don't just put up with people, go farther than that. And don't do any of this for your own exaltation; it's NOT about YOU! Be generous, this is holy. Overlook some things in order to see other things more clearly . Go on, it doesn't hurt!

One more class reflection. We read more from a man called Michael White, from Australia.

He speaks about the ethic of control vs. the ethic of collaboration. (specifically in the therapy setting)

But I think there is something unique about that that makes it applicable to far more...

With rules, we're seeking to create a controlled environment.

With something higher, different than rules, we're seeking to collaborate with the people and realities before us.

Michael White also links an emphasis on the ethic of control to burn out. Whereas an emphasis on the ethic of collaboration? Refreshment, a sense of purpose, an invitation...

culinary experiments ... a post for Erica

Cleaning out your freezer and trying to use up everything in your pantry without buying new groceries is an interesting experience. Today, I did some culinary experimenting. I thought I'd post about it in honor of Erica, a friend who always inspired me with her insights and energy and who I won't likely get to visit with before leaving...She is going to cooking school this fall.



For lunch, I had two soups on hand, but neither was enough on their own... so I decided to put them together! Michelle and I had Coconut-Curry-Chicken-Wonton Soup! It was actually incredibly good! Other than the unappealing pasty color of the soup, we were thoroughly impressed. We thought some basil or parsley flakes might have been the perfect solution!

After lunch, the experimenting continued as we tried to come up with interesting drinks. We settled on cranberry-apple-cinnnamon-raspberry lattes. Not as good of an adventure as the soup, but still fun! (and no, the latte art above was not what ours looked like!)

Have any of you come up with good tea-based lattes other than the London Fog? I've experimented with green and ginger teas, but still haven't found something as tasty as Earl Grey.. ideas welcome in the comments.

Thankful! .... and photos

Our house is a disaster zone! Pretty weird opening sentence for a post about thankfulness, hey? But we are just coming up to our last week in Hepburn, and we have been sorting, packing, filing, and storing like crazy! The mess is necessary and even.. good! We moved to Hepburn in a mad rush, so this opportunity to be methodical and strategic is VERY welcome.
This is our bedroom.. how do you like my new cardboard dresser?!

Note to those in Hepburn: our shed is full of stuff we'd like to sell or give away.. feel free to stop on over anytime and check it out! There is still a porch swing, some shelves, some cookbooks.. all sorts. We're not kidding!

Here are a few summery pictures...

Syd and Abby at Martin's Lake. Ab as usual pretending the camera doesn't exist.


Owen, Trev and Braden with Eryka.


The sweet guy I've been married to for FIFTEEN years. :)


My very handsome nephew, Bradley!

The boys spent two days spreading gravel on our driveway. Our tenants will be happy not to contend with the puddles and mud after a rain!

Haily sharing (shoving?!) her food with Syd.

Eryka in my 'weed bed'.

This past week, my sister Karen and her husband Bryan helped us out. I am so grateful for their effort.. they drove all the way to Hepburn from Winnipeg because they are just that amazing. I am deficient when it comes to organizing. Once I have an idea I can run with it, but two of my sisters (karen and Lorrie) are MASTERS at figuring things like this out. I know we'd have done okay without them, and I know we have awesome friends in Hepburn who were very willing to help. But somehow, this was just the right thing. I am really, really appreciative! Thanks for the time, the drive, the fun memories, the heavy lifting, the sorting, and the great day at the BEACH. (Karen and I also had a fun night at Prairie Ink Saskatoon, where she bought their last copy of the 43 things book!) Both kids were super glad Karen helped them with their rooms, because I tend to just get annoyed with the mess. So does she, but somehow they're more okay with that.

And finally.. Owen and Joey at the speedway last weekend. An 'epic' shot, according to O!

15!

Its rather late and I really need to get to sleep.. but I had to sneak in a little post about Bren. It's our 15 year anniversary today. FIFTEEN YEARS since we said "I do".
This is a big milestone and we have a lot to celebrate.
We are both very much 'the same' as we were the day we were married - Bren is as laid back, easy going, and kind hearted as he's always been. And he never stops being so much fun!

At the same time, we're both very different people from who we were on our wedding day.. kids'll do that to you! Actually, its a lot more than having a family that has changed us.. but that is perhaps another post.

For now, a few photos of my wonderful husband:


(with a very ugly fish likely caught in the Red River.. with his beautiful daughter at Auntie Lisa's wedding... and with Linda Pauls and Monty Hall at a Variety event) (quite a random assortment, I know.. as I said.. its LATE!)

Who, being loved, is poor?
-- Oscar Wilde

As I think about these 15 years, the reminder to LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE, AND LEARN comes to mind. Doesn't that sum up the journey? We have lived through many wonderful seasons, we laugh til we cry often, love really HAS held it all together, and the learning never stops.