The Ethic of Dishes

Class last week was about Counselling Ethics. Amid studying counselling contracts and various associations' codes of ethics, we also centred our time each day around the 'Ethics of the Kingdom.' (It's good to be in a counselling program at a seminary!) This was accomplished by spending 60-90 minutes reflecting on the Sermon on the Mount - individually and in groups. It was a wonderful exercise, and I know it'll help me in practice far more than the many case studies about all the creative ways clients might someday find to sue me.

In our discussions, we referred often to 'a righteousness that surpasses that of the Pharisees.' (Matthew 5:20) We kept going back to it as we realized that in our future work - as in life - it all centers around something more than adherence to rules. (or codes of ethics) Those rules/codes are important, (not abolished) - but if thats all there is, then there is very little indeed.

This post could be about the theological insights and counselling application found in the Sermon on the Mount; but instead, its about an issue of communal living that tops the list of things that irritate people.

Do dishes in your house pile up? They do here. Not every day, but some days, everyone just takes a stance of 'I didn't use it; I'm not washing it!' - it has actually happened that everyone goes on strike until all the dishes are dirty. You think I'm kidding. Not so.

It is easy to think that all we need is to apply rules.

Rule #1: If you use a dish, wash it.

thats basic, right? Should make everything go swimmingly, if only everyone would JUST DO IT!!

But then, what about the dryer rack of clean dishes that need to be sanitized? (We have commercial sanitizers, not dishwashers, in both kitchens)

Rule #2: If you put the dish into the rack that makes it 'full', load them all into the sanitizer.

But, what about when the sanitizer is finished the cycle? Whose 'job' is it to put those steaming hot dishes away?

Rule #3: Wait for the sanitizer to be done and then put them away.

But what about when I've done it the last 10 times and all anyone ever seems to do is wash their one dish?

Rule #4: Talk about sharing the load with others. Ask for help if no offers are forthcoming.

But what about ....

Its ridiculous how long that list could get, and its just about DISHES, for goodness sake?

And we didn't even mention so many other situation arising from the task of dishes; what about when a dish wasn't specifically used by you, or when everyone is sharing the leftovers from last night's supper and no one feels like the utensils, pots, and bowl are 'their' dish? And what about cleaning out the sink, especially the gungy stuff that collects around the drain? Should we parcel that out as a special role too? Maybe we could make a rule about how much grubby stuff should be left on your plate after eating, so that not too much of same grubby stuff ends up clogging the drain. And what about the crumbs and spills on the counter? Everyone claims that its not their mess, so it can sit there for a long time...

It can get complicated if we only have rules to tell us how to live together. And the thing about rules is that there are always exceptions. You're sick, you're busy, you've already fulfilled many obligations today... If all we have is rules, we may be able to create an illusion of community, but its superficial... hingeing on constant obedience or the next time someone breaks a rule.

Conversely, if we have no rules, chaos reigns.

So, what can we do?

This is where the ethic comes in.. the ethic of the dishes. (or the ethic of the kingdom :)

Notice those around you. They're blessed, they're loved. Pitch in! Be a light, don't add to the darkness. (or the messiness) Be an example. Don't just put up with people, go farther than that. And don't do any of this for your own exaltation; it's NOT about YOU! Be generous, this is holy. Overlook some things in order to see other things more clearly . Go on, it doesn't hurt!

One more class reflection. We read more from a man called Michael White, from Australia.

He speaks about the ethic of control vs. the ethic of collaboration. (specifically in the therapy setting)

But I think there is something unique about that that makes it applicable to far more...

With rules, we're seeking to create a controlled environment.

With something higher, different than rules, we're seeking to collaborate with the people and realities before us.

Michael White also links an emphasis on the ethic of control to burn out. Whereas an emphasis on the ethic of collaboration? Refreshment, a sense of purpose, an invitation...