10 commandments for theology students

i found this today, posted on the blog of one of my profs at Briercrest Seminary. A very good read, kinda funny, and not just for those of us who call ourselves students...

My favorite? #6.. it addresses my growing confusion about people who think they 'own' god, and are the sole means of representing Him or defending Him on this earth.... and in so doing pervert and misrepresent the gospel and the person of Christ.

The one I'm most guilty of... well, all of them to some degree... but #10. If i go to a new friend's house, my gaze settles on their bookshelf and i cannot focus on polite conversation until I've thoroughly checked the books out. Our friendship with some folks in Hepburn developed because I found some intriguing books on their bookshelf and had to know more about our friend's interests and thinking...(yes, thats you, Wayne! - and yes, you are a theology student!)

***********************************
Having spent some 16 years now teaching theology at Briercrest College and Seminary, I offer the following “10 Commandments for Theological Students.” You might think of this as following in the spirit of the classic little book by Helmut Thielicke [pronounced "Tee'-lik-a"] entitled, A Little Exercise for Young Theologians.

1) You shall have no other god before God. I cannot bring myself to alter the substance of this first commandment. As Karl Barth put it in a famous article in 1933, the first commandment is in fact the first axiom of all theology. In other words, theological students must never forget that God is the central object of our study in theology. As important as Scripture, tradition, history, and ancient texts are, in the end, theological study that forgets that theology is about God has already lost its way. In short, the first commandment for theological study is to remember that God is a Subject who freely gives himself in Jesus Christ as an object of our study and reflection, but that a proper response must be finally one of worship–worship before the Incomprehensible, Immeasureable Holy One who cannot be captured in our words, sentences, and theological papers, and yet who condescends to be known by sinning humans. We dare not forget this most important of all axioms: The focus of study for theological students is–God. Yes, theological students will face the demands of long hours of poring over the biblical text, memorizing Greek conjugations, deciphering the difference between enhypostasis and anhypostasis, and learning how to do exegesis, homiletics, and administration. But a faithful theological student should never forget that all of this is for naught if theology is not ultimately concerned about–God.

2) You shall not create a theological idol. Anyone who engages in formal theological study for any amount of time realizes that one’s preferences for some authors, scholars, theologians, or exegetes tend to narrow significantly over time. This is, at least in part, the practical reality of the theological disciplines: No one can master or read the work of everyone even within a narrow sub-discipline. Consequently, we tend to have our favorites. Now, if you simply don’t know me all that well, you probably won’t know that my favourite theologian is Karl Barth. Yours might be N.T. Wright or John Calvin or Augustine or Walter Brueggeman. The point is, beware of allowing that favourite to become a theological “pin up”–an idol, to use the biblical parlance.
True, I have no problem confessing my great admiration for the work of Karl Barth, and I read him more than any other theologian. But I also have learned that the best way to avoid idolizing a theologian is to read the opponents as well. For all my disagreements with Brunner, for example, I think that at several crucial points he had things more clearly thought out than Barth. And that helps me to remember that for all his genius, Karl Barth, too, was a sinner and was, like us all, prone to error.
But most importantly, see commandment #1 above: theological study must finally be about God, not about Barth or NT Wright, or John Zizioulos, however thankful I am for these faithful scholars. Unfortunately, it is the case that sometimes theological students become “experts” on theologians and scholars and consequently miss the main point of all theological study: to know God and his benefits, and to proclaim him to others, like us, in need of his grace.

3) You shall not take the name of other sub-disciplines in vain. It is almost inevitable that theological students will eventually assume that their chosen sub-discipline (whether systematic theology, historical theology, biblical exegesis, pastoral theology, church history, ethics, liturgics, or some other sub-discipline) is in some way superior to all others. At such points, it can be easy for theological students to become contemptuous toward students in other disciplines; but this should not be so. For in the end, the compendium of theological disciplines is analogous to the Body of Christ: Every member ultimately needs the other, even if we might secretly think that some parts are more honorable than others. Theologians need exegetes, and exegetes need historians, and historians need ethicists, and ethicists need homileticians. Rather than peering/sneering down our noses at those in other disciplines and scorning their work, I would encourage you to learn to discipline yourself to read at least one book in a discipline not your own for every ten that you read in your own. You might be surprised that those in other disciplines have something to teach you!

4) Remember to put to rest–temporarily–your critical theological skills while worshipping. Since the object of inquiry in theological study is ultimately none other than God himself (see Commandment #1), theological students must learn the discipline of worshipping God while temporarily suspending their newly emerging theological critical skills. This is especially important when the sermon is being delivered Sunday morning. Though you might see all your pastor’s exegetical fallacies, call into question his intertextual references, and be puzzled by the lack of good homiletical structure in his sermon, you must learn temporarily to put to rest your critical acuities, and try to remember that like everyone else gathed together in the Lord’s House on the Lord’s Day, the Person on display is God in Jesus Christ, not the pastor or the worship leader or the Sunday school teacher. You have, after all, come to worship God and to hear from him, not to assign a grade or write a critical review. Of course, your training will inevitably train you to see theological problems. That is a good thing. But remember that God has appointed pastors and teachers to have spiritual charge over us, and theological discipline includes the ability to learn from even imperfect preachers. Because after all, you may well be one of those imperfect pastors and teachers yourself someday as well.
Oh, and while I’m at it: Remember the exhortation from Hebrews 10:25: “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” For some reason, theological students can be easily deceived into thinking, “I study Scripture and think about God all week long. I don’t need to be involved in a local body of believers on Sunday as well.” This is simply wrong, and I encourage you to resist the temptation to be a “Bedside Baptist” during the course of your theological study. If anything, regular involvement in a local church keeps our feet grounded in the community where the theologically educated are most needed. If there is a suspicion amongst the rank and file church goers of our day about formal theological education, it may in part be because of how often theological students account for so many of the empty spots in the pews on Sunday morning. The logic may be flawed, but it is hard to avoid the connection that so often, theological students are the least likely to be in Church, so therefore, theological education must be bad. Don’t contribute to that flawed logic. Be in Church next Sunday!

5) Honour your theological fathers and mothers. At one level, theological students simply need to learn to respect and honour the wisdom of their professors, even at times when it sounds like they might seem to be completely off-base and, indeed, theologically suspect in comparison with one’s pastor or mentor back home or favourite theological author. Don’t get me wrong here: I’m not saying that theological professors are perfect–by no means. I know too many of them myself, and I happen to see one in the mirror every morning when I shave! But beyond honouring your teachers (they, after all, have typically committed something like 8 or 12 years after high school of study to prepare for their role) be sure also to honour your theological fathers and mothers back home as well. It can be an awful show of disrespect, after a year or two of theological education, to begin to look down one’s nose at those pastors and elders back home who may not have had the same privileges you have had, and to begin to judge them harshly for their lack of theological and biblical sophistication. In such cases, never forget that it these same “simple” pastors and teachers and elders and parents back home who are truly your spiritual fathers and mothers. It is far too easy to become a theological critic; it is far more difficult (and, to be sure, the sign of theological maturity) to be able to appreciate and still learn from those from whom you may have already passed in theological sophistication!

6) You shall not verbally, intellectually, or rhetorically murder your theological opponent. For the most part, theological students seem to manage to avoid physically killing one another in the heat of a theological debate. (Although in the history of Christianity, there have been some exceptions!) But my experience tells me that almost all of us (including me) will not hesitate to pull out all the stops in the heat of a theological argument. We will use every resource at hand to squash (”metaphorically murder”) our opponents. It is during those intense moments of theological debate (which, by the way, I happen to think can be very healthy) that we needconstantly to check ourselves to make sure that it is the truth that we are after, and not simply the desire to win the argument at all costs. To paraphrase the Apostle, “If I decimate my theological opponent in the pursuit of truth, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging symbol.” (Cf. 1 Cor 13:1) Unfortunately, in 17 years of providin theological education, I have more than once seen Christian fellowship broken over what really amounted to either a trivial, or unwinnable theological argument. This isn’t to commend avoiding theological arguments at all costs: Indeed, we probably need more theological debate these days than less! But always remember that ultimately, the goal of a theological argument should be more often irenical than polemical: It is for the building up of the Body, not the utter destruction of our theological detractors.

7) Do your utmost to stay out of bed with the “spirit of the age.” In 1 Tim 4:1, Paul warns, “the Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons.” This is one of those commandments that is of uttermost importance to heed, but so easy to fall into breaking. Just as we live in an age where we are bombarded daily in the media with images and suggestions to follow our base sexual desires, so, too, theological students enter a realm where daily (or at least more often than the average layperson) there is a temptation to chase after the latest theological, philosophical, or cultural fads–all in the name of being “theologically relevant” or “up to date” or “theologically sophisticated.” Of course, it is not always easy to sort out which ideas are truly “things taught by demons” from “the truth of the Spirit.” Subtlety is, of course, one of Satan’s own tools of deception. Most of us are not caught off guard by the obviously false things, but all of us are, from time to time, tempted to get into bed with the spirit of the age, and to commit theological adultery.
So how do we avoid this falling into this temptation? Well, at one level, this is what theological education is all about–learning to discern truth from error, and to use Scripture properly to make those judgments. But in the end, keeping commandment #6 means, at least in part, learning whom we can trust, and that means listening to the wisdom of teachers whom you know have demonstrated a consistent walk with the Lord, and from whom you can also learn. Oh, and pray a lot, too! As the ancients used to say, “Lex orandi, lex credendi” [The Law of Prayer is the Law of Belief].

8 ) You shall not steal time from others which is rightfully theirs. You might have thought that the eighth commandment for the theological student might be a good place to mention something about plagiarism. As all students quickly learn, it is an academic sin, whether in Christian or secular settings, to steal ideas from others and to call them your own. That’s a good thing to remember. So don’t plagiarize!
But I think that far too often, theological students can easily end up stealing something other than just others’ ideas. What? Their time. Speaking from personal and painful experience, I did two theological degrees while married, and I can without any pride at all confess that sometimes, my theological work simply was an excuse to steal time from my wife–time that really was rightfully hers, but which I justified as being not as important as time spend studying theology. Fortunately, I have an awesome and forgiving wife who has taught me much (though I am still learning) about what it really means to give of one’s time for someone else. Practically, this means that even though you are doing something really, really important (I can’t think of many more things more important in life than to set aside a portion of one’s life in focused study of Scripture and of the knowledge of God), being a theological student does not give you license to steal time from your spouse or family. If you are married, it is better to end up as a “B” student with a strong marriage, than an “A” student and divorced. In short, be prepared to resist the temptation at times to steal time from your loved ones, even though the studies you are engaged in are all about God. Here I think of Malachi’s lament:
Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. (Mal. 2:13-14)
We may think we are pleasuring God with our wonderful theological papers and argument, and I want to affirm that indeed, God is pleased with such offerings when offered in faith. But such offerings can quickly become a stench in God’s nostrils when we break faith with our spouses in order to produce them. It is then that, fearfully, the Lord will act as a witness against us. Lord, help us!

9) You shall not misrepresent your opponent’s theological position. We all have theological opponents, and we seem to get more of them the more we engage in theological study. But theological students must learn the very difficult discipline of speaking and writing truthfully of the position of those with whom we disagree. The problem is that the opponents we most want to debunk are likely guilty of breaking this commandment themselves. The reason we are so adamantly opposed to them is because they have misrepresented us, or our favourite theologians or authors, in some way. So the temptation is to fight fire with fire. Rather than carefully showing where our opponents are indeed right on some accounts, and wrong in others, we have a built-in carnal desire to present their work as something reprehensible and utterly false. Philosopher’s call this “constructing a straw man.” Biblically, it simply is called “lying” or “bearing false witness.” While theoretically, it may in fact be possible that there are utter liars and heretics writing and teaching out there, those aren’t usually the one’s that concern us the most. Indeed, it is the ones who have elements of truth in what they are saying that we can be the most tempted to label and libel. On the contrary, the sign of theological maturity is the ability to concede and acknowledge the truth of parts of our opponents’ arguments, even while patiently recounting why the other parts of their argument are faulty. Unfortunately, such an approach takes great patience, lots of time, and a great deal of Spirit-enabled love–something that most of us are in all too short supply.

10) You shall not covet someone else’s library. I may be speaking only from personal experience here, but I suspect that a common temptation, especially among theological students, is to surpass your neighbor’s library, either in quantity (”I have more commentaries on John’s Gospel than George”) or at least in quality (”Henry may have a lot of books, but most of it is fluff! I only buy books of enduringvalue”). This isn’t to say that you ought not to buy books. In fact, I have a hard time understanding how some students (and even pastors) are proud of the fact that they have so few books! Books are, after all, the tools of the trade for those seeking to be engaged in the ministry of the Word. But those same necessary tools can so easily become a snare and a trap. We see our neighbor’s library shelf, or the latest theology text, or yet another book on Barth (guilty!) and we think we need to have it. Let’s face it, folks: This is the sin of coveteousness more often than we may care to admit.
So what am I commending here? I’m not saying stop buying books, but I am saying, get in the habit of counting to at least 10 (or 20 or 30!) before plunking down the cash for yet another book. I speak here of one who is guilty of having many too many books on my shelf that I have not yet read! Or better yet, see if you can borrow the book from a library instead of buying it. If after reading it you still think you need it, fine–go ahead and buy it if you can. But don’t get trapped into buying books for the sake of buying books. Take this from one who has been learning this lesson the hard way over the past years!

[Permission is granted to repost this text is granted, provided it is included in its entirety and proper attribution is given. D. Guretzki, 2009]

messy Christmas

Merry Christmas! it's great to have a few minutes to sit in the midst of a busy day.. do I spend it on research as I should? Of course not...!

We read the Christmas story this morning, and then a little commentary about it that talked about mess.

the shepherds, their sheepy smell, the manger, the fact that a more desirable lodging was nowhere to be found, Mary's pre-married state, strangers everywhere instead of anything familiar, a manger instead of a cradle, chaos and noise ... The reading talked about how much we wish the story was more like the front of a Christmas card and how little the images we often see actually resemble what the reality was...

Isn't that the truth!? We want our family's and our homes and everything around us to 'look right', and we're a little shy about folks seeing the mess underneath. We present a sanitized version... but God didn't, and it's pretty important that the story is just as it is.

As we prayed after reading the story, we prayed that we'd be more okay with mess.. that we wouldn't feel so ashamed or exposed when the stuff underneath shows through to the surface... that we could find ways to live more joyfully in the tension that is our neighborhood and our uncertainty about our own future. As Bren was praying, the idea of shalom meeting mess came into my mind as I imagined the scenes from the Christmas story.

God seems to work in the midst of mess, and trying to make things appear 'just right' is not only evidence of our desire to be our own God, it erects walls that we then need to maintain...

Maybe i should have tried to come up with some more fuzzy or nice thoughts to share on Christmas day.. but these are the 'messy' ones that showed up today!

We do wish you a merry, merry Christmas! Thanks for reading.

collaborative journals

sometime in 2008, a little movement of 'collaborative journalling' started in Hepburn.. the idea was encouraged by two women speaking at a retreat together. At one point, there were journals being exchanged in church foyers and offices, over coffee and playdates. I have no idea how many of those original journals continued, but I do know that I've continued with the 'original' collaborator and with several others.

As I read through the various journals I am part of during my 'turn', i am inspired by community, faithfulness, and vulnerability. These little glimpses of friendship are creative and they radiate warmth and joy, in spite of being pretty raw sometimes.

I hope that this wasn't just a little trend that came and went for a few of us! Just incase the idea inspires you, here is a little encouragement to go ahead and DO it for yourself ..... (it could be a 2010 project!)

• It is not as time consuming as one might think!


• Any journal, notebook or scribbler lying around the house will do.


• this is an AWESOME idea for staying in touch with distant friends - it only costs a few dollars to mail the journal within Canada-


• its also a great way for those of us who see each other lots to get a glimpe into whats going on below the surface..


• it is a great way to pray for each other or share what you're learning, what is making the journey interesting, challenging, or beautiful


• over time, it is a valuable way to inspire each other with evidences of growth and learning


• an entry or two each month is all that is needed..(or more if you have time is fun too!)


• creativity (color, sketches, images/words from magazines, snapshots, stickers or scrapbook-y stuff) makes it so much fun ... especially when your styles are different and the beauty of diversity is right there on the pages in front of you!


• multi-generational is good, i love the journal I'm sharing with a recent high school grad, I'm about to read about her new experiences at the U of S after I finish this post...

Creative ways to share and learn together are awesome. Community is good in all its shapes and forms...

Happy journalling!

burn out

The ethics class I recently took discussed the importance of self care for anyone in a care-providing role; teaching us essentially that we have an ethical responsibility to care for ourselves. This fits into the counselling ethic criteria of non maleficence - 'at the very least, do no harm'.

We can actually wreak havoc in others' lives if we end up burned out, numb, or overwhelmed....we can do significant harm. If we are in a position of power or authority, we will likely abuse it or mis-handle it when we are in burn out or acute stress.

A lesson life is teaching me is that we can confuse self care and self protection. Genuine self care requires genuine community.

Caring for one another is a continuous circle, and I am seeing the importance of nurturing and preserving that circle, giving priority to restoring the smallest of gaps because of the high price of inattention or avoidance.

2009 was the year of learning about burn out from so many sources and so many contexts that my heart aches for the many sadnesses.

May 2010 be the year of learning about renewal, refreshment, invitation, healing, and wholeness.

For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel;

In returning and rest you shall be saved

amazed

Yesterday, our family received the best gift we've ever gotten. No joke. Someone could give us a new car or a cruise in the tropics and it would not compare.

We've made a friend in our neighborhood, I'll call him Sam.

Sam lives across the street from us in a building on Jarvis and Main. He mustn't spend much time in his suite though, because he is always around. I see him often when I meet the kids at the bus stop, or if we go for a walk, he sometimes joins us, because he's just hanging around.

Sam knows everything that is going on around the neighborhood, he'll tell you who the police were talking to, when they were at a certain location, .. he can almost always tell you who was doing what, and when they were doing it. He won't normally tell you why though, he's a facts only kind of guy!

Sam's story is a sad one. He was assaulted with a metal pipe many years ago, right on Main street, and suffered extensive brain damage. His memory is full of holes.. but is amazingly sharp at the same time. He doesn't forget an appointment or a date; if we say we're all going out for lunch in two weeks, he doesn't need to be reminded! (In fact he reminds us!) Or if we invite him to an event, like the coffee house we had last week, he just remembers and comes... right on time! But, if I ask him if he knows our names... not so much. He just gets this twinkle in his eye, scratches his head and says.. 'I forget'. He is coming for breakfast on Christmas morning, and I already know the doorbell will ring at exactly 10am... and he'll be wearing a new shirt, because we told him it's a special occasion.

Yesterday, at drop in, Sam brought our family some Christmas presents. A pair of socks for Owen, a scarf for me, a Christmas stocking with soap for Syd, and gloves for Bren. ohh... and sweets. He always gives us sweets!

I will wear my new scarf often, thankful most of all for the gift of this friendship.

C'est ma fete!

I've had a great birthday today. The best gift of all? I'm tempted to say family and friends, because they are wonderful and i did spend time with some of each today! I treasure the amazing people in my life. And I saw my daughter in the Jr. band and choir concert - that was also a great treat.

But the gift on my mind right now? TIME. or maybe GRACE.

Time heals deep, deep wounds. Grace causes us to remember who we once were and recognize when our old self comes back from an extended vacation.

there's this awesome blue rodeo song called 'til i am myself again' - (are there any un-awesome blue rodeo songs?) the song talks about confidence just disappearing one day ... as soon as the song comes on, i start to cry... If I listened to it now, I might still cry, but I think it would be a thankful cry.

Narrative

Some themes just pop up over and over it seems.

'Narrative' is one. Sometimes i hear about it in the theology context, reclaiming the whole redemption story as just that.. a story...

sometimes in the therapeutic setting, where we practitioners are supposed to be skilled and curious conversationalists.

I am excited to be learning narrative therapy! I read about narrative all over the place.

Here is a new blog I found today, so I linked it to the blogroll on the left. The linked post is about narrative practice.

enjoy.

advent thoughts

for advent, I've been contemplating Isaiah 30. I was looking and reflecting in November for something to focus on for advent and this passage felt like the place to park for a while. Some other Flatlanders have been trying to read this chapter, too. On sunday night, a few of us lit some candles and went around in a circle reading sections, then we talked about it together.

Two other advent thoughts that have really been meaningful this season;

• the various ways and contexts in which people have sung, prayed, or even cried out: "Come, Lord Jesus". When I think it, pray it, or sing it, I see images - faces, stories - from the last few months and it means something totally new. And I FEEL these words so much more than I ever have.
• Expectancy. Sometimes it is celebratory and almost carefree to wait upon the Lord. We are full of trust and hope. Sometimes, it feels like 'lament' is all we know. We remember the hope, but can't regain it. Expectancy.

Here are a couple of verses from Isaiah 30 .... (NRSV)

"For they are rebellious people, faithless children, children who will not hear the instruction of the Lord; who say to the seers, "Do not see", and to the prophets, "Do not prophesy to us what is right; speak to us smooth things, prophecy illusions, leave the way, turn aside from the path, let us hear no more about the Holy One of Israel."

....

"For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength. But you refused and said, 'No, we must flee upon horses.'

...

'Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you; therfore he will rise up to show mercy to you. for the Lord is a God of Justice; Blessed are those who wait for him.'

...

What is meaningful for YOU this advent season? What new things are you learning about waiting.. arriving.. expecting.. hoping... Emmanuel?

The Ethic of Dishes

Class last week was about Counselling Ethics. Amid studying counselling contracts and various associations' codes of ethics, we also centred our time each day around the 'Ethics of the Kingdom.' (It's good to be in a counselling program at a seminary!) This was accomplished by spending 60-90 minutes reflecting on the Sermon on the Mount - individually and in groups. It was a wonderful exercise, and I know it'll help me in practice far more than the many case studies about all the creative ways clients might someday find to sue me.

In our discussions, we referred often to 'a righteousness that surpasses that of the Pharisees.' (Matthew 5:20) We kept going back to it as we realized that in our future work - as in life - it all centers around something more than adherence to rules. (or codes of ethics) Those rules/codes are important, (not abolished) - but if thats all there is, then there is very little indeed.

This post could be about the theological insights and counselling application found in the Sermon on the Mount; but instead, its about an issue of communal living that tops the list of things that irritate people.

Do dishes in your house pile up? They do here. Not every day, but some days, everyone just takes a stance of 'I didn't use it; I'm not washing it!' - it has actually happened that everyone goes on strike until all the dishes are dirty. You think I'm kidding. Not so.

It is easy to think that all we need is to apply rules.

Rule #1: If you use a dish, wash it.

thats basic, right? Should make everything go swimmingly, if only everyone would JUST DO IT!!

But then, what about the dryer rack of clean dishes that need to be sanitized? (We have commercial sanitizers, not dishwashers, in both kitchens)

Rule #2: If you put the dish into the rack that makes it 'full', load them all into the sanitizer.

But, what about when the sanitizer is finished the cycle? Whose 'job' is it to put those steaming hot dishes away?

Rule #3: Wait for the sanitizer to be done and then put them away.

But what about when I've done it the last 10 times and all anyone ever seems to do is wash their one dish?

Rule #4: Talk about sharing the load with others. Ask for help if no offers are forthcoming.

But what about ....

Its ridiculous how long that list could get, and its just about DISHES, for goodness sake?

And we didn't even mention so many other situation arising from the task of dishes; what about when a dish wasn't specifically used by you, or when everyone is sharing the leftovers from last night's supper and no one feels like the utensils, pots, and bowl are 'their' dish? And what about cleaning out the sink, especially the gungy stuff that collects around the drain? Should we parcel that out as a special role too? Maybe we could make a rule about how much grubby stuff should be left on your plate after eating, so that not too much of same grubby stuff ends up clogging the drain. And what about the crumbs and spills on the counter? Everyone claims that its not their mess, so it can sit there for a long time...

It can get complicated if we only have rules to tell us how to live together. And the thing about rules is that there are always exceptions. You're sick, you're busy, you've already fulfilled many obligations today... If all we have is rules, we may be able to create an illusion of community, but its superficial... hingeing on constant obedience or the next time someone breaks a rule.

Conversely, if we have no rules, chaos reigns.

So, what can we do?

This is where the ethic comes in.. the ethic of the dishes. (or the ethic of the kingdom :)

Notice those around you. They're blessed, they're loved. Pitch in! Be a light, don't add to the darkness. (or the messiness) Be an example. Don't just put up with people, go farther than that. And don't do any of this for your own exaltation; it's NOT about YOU! Be generous, this is holy. Overlook some things in order to see other things more clearly . Go on, it doesn't hurt!

One more class reflection. We read more from a man called Michael White, from Australia.

He speaks about the ethic of control vs. the ethic of collaboration. (specifically in the therapy setting)

But I think there is something unique about that that makes it applicable to far more...

With rules, we're seeking to create a controlled environment.

With something higher, different than rules, we're seeking to collaborate with the people and realities before us.

Michael White also links an emphasis on the ethic of control to burn out. Whereas an emphasis on the ethic of collaboration? Refreshment, a sense of purpose, an invitation...

Words

Do you love words? I adore words. I like words alone on a page, compiled in a story, spoken in prayer. I like words that build, words that describe, words that affirm. I think i especially like words that surprise. They're such useful things, words. Oh.. songs. words set to music. There are so many gifts to us through words and language, yes?

I am right now writing a paper on a fascinating book; Marva Dawn's 'Talking the Walk'. The reverse concept she's playing on with her title is of course Walking the Talk. I long for more rubber meeting road... more putting our money where our mouth is... Are you like me? - a little cynical of theory because of the absence of practice?

Marva's way of talking about the title and content of the book says this (among other things): 'during the last century, english speaking christians have been stressing that we should 'walk our talk'. -that our way of living should match the values that we espouse. That christians don't act on what they know and say is still a problem, for the passivity of wealthy societies keeps escalating.'

This wise author is a favorite of mine, and this isn't my first paper on one of her books. One of my great sadnesses is that I won't go to Regent and learn from her. Jess - are you taking anything from her?!

She says that she compiled the essays in this book because God is the point. Of Life. And somehow, using a language that isn't corrupted and stained, or made irrelevant, or overused and diluted, ... finding ways to redeem damage done - all this will help that fact (that God is the point) be better understood and more known.

She even refers to herself as a corrupter of God's name in the intro to the text. This resonates with where I dwell a lot these days:

"I corrupt God's name still more by forgetting that every person I encounter bears God's image, that how I treat the passers-by and wheelchair pushers and janitors and military guards ... will reflect that corruption if I don't pay attention."

This post isn't only about a great book I'm reading and writing about. Its also a confession.

I have not honored words well in many, many conversations. I have resisted (and it was deliberate!) conforming my language to the 'churchy' expectations I encountered after becoming part of the Christian subculture. I became part of this culture because of a choice to re-orient away from self and towards Christ. i soon realized that not only was I converted to Christ, but also to this whole new expectation of how I should act.. right down to how I said things!!. I've stubbornly (there, I said it!) tried to be converted only to Jesus... not something else. (I think I was shocked to discover that Jesus actually opposed legalism.. so I vowed to oppose it too!)

But, today, as I read Marva's beatiful treatise about words, about liturgy, about their POWER and BEAUTY... I was converted. I am repentant about the way my language may have been corrupted (by whats in me) and contributed to corrupt interpretations. (about God) (Those abound, don't they? I don't have to support them any more than I already do just because I'm stubborn!)

Marva Dawn quotes Confucius who wanted to 'rectify names' as an approach to leadership. Lets be people of our word. Lets say what we mean and mean what we say.. and do nothing that brings our word into question.

Also, lets realize the far reaching implications of our words.. a hebrew term for 'word' is also used for 'event' - our words are powerful behavior shapers! They really do become actions...

breaking in..

i don't know if it is the vineyard influence or the result of learning about kingdom from tim geddert a couple of years ago, but i have been thinking alot about this idea of 'in-breaking kingdom' lately.

One of the tensions we wrestle with is the reality of the kingdom God being here and now (present) and there and then (future). The here and now part can be evidenced in glorious moments when something supernatural breaks in and overshadows some set of circumstances. Sometimes, these little inbreakings are like a spiritual experience, where something happens that just isn't logical, predictable, or easily explainable.

I had one of those moments recently, and it felt kind of like the hallelujah chorus should be playing in the background. I thought a specific situation was one that I'd be wading through for a long time, something that I'd be wrestling through and processing for an extended period. And it was heavy, a real burden.

But it was healed, removed in an instant. A moment of significant clarity and a feeling of aha! broke in, and that particular circumstance is resolved; off the radar. No residual angst or wondering, just a profoundly real and yet very ordinary experience of the love of God.

This isn't always the way it works, it isn't always the way God works, but in this situation, it was. In this situation He fixed.

Hallelujah!

word of the year

Sometimes it seems like lessons in various life circumstances conspire to teach you something. I started noticing this pattern in my own life a couple of years ago, which coincided with a new job at the same time .. so I came up with a 'word of the year' concept and tried to be really intentional about letting an idea that 'found me' continue to shape and teach me things over a period of time. I tried to be intentional about letting it inform my actions ...

Two years ago, the word was CLARITY. Last year, the word was SUSTAIN. It's amazing to me how relevant those concepts have actually been, and how they've woven through every aspect of my life! Hindsight reveals much, hey?

I realized this week that in spite of new circumstances, a theme has once again found me. This year's word is TENSION.

I'm learning that I've never really been okay with tension. I'm not referring to conflict here, but the tension that simply exists in life. Tension like the evidence of joy amid suffering. Tension like realizing that we can be mature and foolish at the same time. Tension that comes from feeling despair and hope in the same moment. Tension that is like coexisting poles. I've always wanted to opt for one pole and correct the other to be more like the one I prefer.

During advent I want to explore this more; in fact I can't think of a more fitting time to consider this topic.

If you have a few minutes, check out this Stanley Hauerwas video.

http://www.theworkofthepeople.com/index.php?ct=store.details&pid=V00684

(thanks jeff!)

how about you? - what themes have found you at the right time in your life?

ramblings about communal living

its been a while since I blogged.  I don't have a computer right now, so I'm using my Twaddle account on the Flatlanders common Mac.  (I think Twaddle was a word invented by a former flatlander to describe what happens when we go onto the computer for fun.. we twaddle away time.)  We each have a one hour slot each day.  Owen has already been on mine, so this post may be cut short...  its amazing how much life changes when you are 'unplugged' for an extended period of time.  I actually kinda like it.  My school work pile just grows and grows, though; so December will be a heavy and pressure-filled month!

Lots of people ask us (and not only us, but all Flatlanders) a few questions pretty regularly.  They go something like this: 

How is it really?

What do you guys do all the time?

Here are some thoughts in response to those questions:

• community living, or just genuine community period - is HARD.  It's also tremendously GOOD.
• There is a rhythm to our days and weeks that includes worship, prayer, fun, food, sharing responsibilities, talking about deep things, and just hanging out.  Amid the rhythm are things that pop up that we need to respond to.  The response-requiring things are often challenging, and each member of the community responds a bit differently.  Flexibility and self awareness are so important, as are an appreciation for diverse characteristics and a teachable, open spirit.  When these traits are absent, we all suffer.
• Addiction will rule the roost unless we're really intentional about how we respond to its presence among us.
• Acceptance of, and even appreciation for tension are required daily.  There is tension between personalities, between structure and the lack of it, between wholeness and brokenness, between isolation and vulnerability ... the list could go on and on.  My tendency is to FIX; or at the very least ADDRESS the tension.  I am learning to overcome myself!  Community is an exceptional teacher if we can tolerate the constant exposure.
• When I think of 'what we do',  the word presence comes to mind.  We are present for one another, or at least we try to be more often than not.
• Obviously, there are practical things we do.  We drive people to appointments, we go to court dates, we make banking changes, we facilitate experiences that encourage growth and understanding, we cook together,  we volunteer together, we work through issues together.  We talk about flashbacks and unfortunate formative experiences.  We go for walks and buy groceries.

As I evaluate the first quarter of our year of service, I cannot believe how much I've already learned.  This experience is so good, so challenging, so valid.

Thanks for reading, thanks for praying with us.

A Shameless Plug ...

Thinking about doin' a little Christmas shopping already?

Flatlanders is going to be doing some fundraising this year by selling coffee beans roasted in our very own kitchens. We're all helping out, following the lead of our resident roaster and coffee expert.

I wanted to let y'all know about our little micro enterprise well in advance... please email me at dvorak.kelly@gmail.com if you're interested in knowing more or placing an order...

One-pound bag of FLATLANDERS ROAST Guatemalan coffee beans

- $13-$15 -

(there will be a discount if you buy more than 5 bags!)

(I had my first cup this morning.. this is good coffee!)

family, community, home

Some flatlanders have been reading this book together called "Schools for Conversion: Marks of the New Monasticism." Its been delightful to read and share together. Last week, we read the chapter on Hospitality to the Stranger and found many parallels to transitional members we have in our community.
The chapter opens with a heartwarming story of a couple who struggle through a friendship with a mentally ill friend named John, who they finally end up inviting into their home, into their family. The journey begins when a stormy night finds them unable to abide his homelessness, his lack of safety and support.

"We were tormented. Surely we couldn't take him into our home, could we?

He smells bad.. but a shower would fix that. He's paranoid.. but who isn't sometimes?

He hoards things.. well, we have closet space to share. .. finally we realized the truth -

that John had become our friend, and that it would devastate us if anything

happened to him." (page 40)

The end of the story is so hope filled and inspiring... the three become a beautiful family, eventually sharing victories and life changes TOGETHER. Eventually, John's habits change, and his once destructive patterns diminish as a result of supportive, loving community. The circle is completed as John offers hospitality to others from a place of love and acceptance.

A couple of posts earlier this week highlighted the tension that is so apparent. What about the stories that are not quite so hope filled? What about when the 'family' is ready, willing, able .. and the 'John' wants desperately to embrace their offer yet ... can't? What about when the family is unraveling at expense of the offering, yet still knows that they would be devastated if anything happened to their loved one - so they keep offering and offering while 'John' runs away? What if they've sought him out, time and again, wanting to be like the shepherd who goes after the 'one lamb', but now the seeking has become all consuming?

What does it mean to truly offer dignity? How do we truly offer love and respect to all, even to the point of respecting the most destructive and unnecessary of choices? Another passage from a different chapter of this book comes to mind, where Shane Claiborne discussed Jesus' response to the Rich Man;

"I think it broke Jesus' heart to let the man walk away. The text says that

Jesus looked at the man and loved him as he walked away.

Jesus doesn't run after him and say, 'hey.. its a journey..

just give half.' He doesn't say, 'just start with 10%' ..

he simply lets the man choose ..." (page 33)

Granted this passage and claiborne's reference to it are not about offering radical hospitality, but still... what does it look like to respect the choices of those we love? And keep loving them? What if I was writing all this about my own child? would my internal process be different than it is because I'm writing about people who are not 'mine'? Should this be so?

I don't have answers to these questions.. only tension.

However, I do have this verse I've been meditating on and praying all week:

"... no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the human heart conceived, what God has prepared for those who love Him. - these things are revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God." (1 Corinthians)

those days...

I sit at the West K library, typing this post for the 2nd time, because my lovely computer has a mind of its own. And because its one of those days, blogger didn't autosave for the first time in history.

you know those days? ThOSE Days?! I've had two of them: yesterday and today! I'm supposed to be studying, but even though I finally have the opportunity, my ability to engage is less than nil. I've been more absorbed in the titles around me than what I need to accomplish.

For example: did you know there is a 'Thesaurus of Slang'? I need the humor, so forgive me, I stopped flipping through pages at the expletives section. Forgive me again, I laughed out loud. Quite entertaining... would you believe there is a FULL page of slang words for drunk? Here are a few:

illuminated, stewed to the gills, pissed to the ears, potty, muddled, six sheets to the wind, elevated, rumdum, full of Dutch courage, walking on rocky socks, ate the dog, blotto, put to bed with a shovel... and the list goes on and on... hehe!

I think i'd like to be walking on rocky socks right now.. I'd even just settle for that one tequila shooter I turned down a couple weeks ago at our jr. hi reunion... but the library folks in Winnipeg don't serve tequila on Thursdays, so I'll have to make do with the Americano I smuggled in.

okay.. I would like to redeem this post slightly. In that direction, I pulled the Encyclopedia of American Religious Creeds of the shelf. I do have several creeds to study for my Theology Doctrines class... But, come on! ... The creed for REASON is in there, as published in the constitution of the Gay Atheist League... okay, so that wasn't terribly redemptive....




The reason I elected to do a blog post right now is that I thought it might help me a) find the humor in the last couple of days and b) vent - so that I can focus.



So, indulge my self-centeredness here and let me tell you some of the events of the past 48 hours. I promise you'll laugh....

• My computer automatically shuts down at will. I am convinced that its from the games my kids play on it, but they laugh at me for suggesting that. So even in the blessed little time I manage to set aside for school work, whether or not I'll have anything to work from is a crapshoot. In the past 48 hours, I have spent about 4 hours trying to turn on my computer.


• My daughter was so absorbed in adolescent angst yesterday that she actually got out of the car in a parking lot and told me she was taking the bus home, that she was DONE with me. I sat there and wondered whose life I had mistakenly been inserted into.


• I'd love to tell you the whole story of my desire to have a workout today at the Y. But I can't stand the idea of typing it all out.. here are some of the elements that resulted in no workout despite trying to make a class at two different branches:

- since when does it cost $2 for an hour of parking in a downtown meter?! Have you ever wanted to go back to the people you constantly give change to and ask for a loonie BACK? I so wished I hadn't given away all my coins this week!
- I was directed to the aerobics studio inside the downtown Y by three different volunteer attendants, all of whom didn't speak a blessed word of English. By the 2nd time I came to one of them, she was angry at me for now knowing my way around. She actually grabbed my arm as I went into a hallway to explore and told me to follow the directions I'd already followed twice. I managed to suppress the urge to throw a tantrum, but I didn't ever find the aerobics class (at least not in time.) I am comforting myself by imagining the amount of calories burned in the act of resisting the compulsion to throw myself on the floor and cry.

• I wanted to find a coffee shop with wireless internet for the afternoon. I went in to this one place i remember frequenting in the past and it is now a catering service. Same name, same location, except you walk in and the seating area is barricaded off. Had to be today...
• One of my housemates decided that today was the day I should be informed of my flaws, at least as they rate on her measuring stick.
• Bren just called to let me know about a speeding ticket he got today. He tried to tell the nice officer that he was engaged in a year of volunteer service AND paying for his wife's education, and accumulating debt by the day.. but she gave him the ticket anyways.

There is actually MORE, but that is enough venting. I hope you're laughing. I think I'm ready to hit the books... if you actually want some advice about having THoSE days, check this out.

reflections

Here are some thoughts from the day; I hope they inspire you as they have me:

• caring for the marginalized is not a marginal theme in scripture; its central. Being close to the oppressed and the poor isn't a trend or a bandwagon or a hobby. You can't be close from a distance or through charity.
• truth is revealed in community, not be detached experts
• are you an activist or a worshipper? Are you a fixer or a lover?
• "I'll take your charity and your money.. but I wish for you to know my name."
• NT Wrights defn of repentance: "Giving up my agenda for Christ's agenda"
• Society is individualized, fractured. This is not shalom.

the phrase that scratched where i'd been itching:

• do you notice the brokeness, the messiness? Do you sense how illogical things are, how bizarre and countercultural? everywhere around you, in churches and on street corners? Do you feel that TENSION? (YES! I responded with head nodding emphatically) Well then, welcome to a life of following Christ. You better embrace that tension if you're going to pursue the things that matter to God over the long haul. You've gotta learn to live within that tension if you're not going to get burned out or bitter.

what love does

This weekend we're helping out and participating in a conference called What Love Does. There are a few guest staying at Flatlanders, so its been fun to get ready for their arrival. We've also gotten some of our spaces ready for workshops and shared meals. I'm fondly recalling days of event planning and realizing how much I enjoyed it!
It'll be a whirlwind of activity, but i think we're going to treat Monday as a rest day. (kinda like after YA weekend at Bethany!)
Here's some of the stuff I'm most looking forward to:

• Sacred Places - Throughout the weekend, we will be going to lots of out-of-the way places and visiting with people, having communion, sharing stories. I'll be bringing some folks to my friend Blackie's place twice. I stopped at Neechi foods today to buy some baked bannock for the occasion.
• worship led by amazing vineyard musicians, including once of WCV's founding pastors; David Ruis. one of the coolest things about where we live is that we hear the worship bands practice regularly. His was a new but familiar voice carrying up the stairs today :)
• learning more about the heart of this place we call home, more about the community around it, more of the early vision of those who have prayed and laid a firm foundation for the stuff we now engage in.
• Community BBQ on Sunday. Its always good to see who shows up when there's an open invitation.
• Youth Track. Our kids are registered along with 80 others who will be doing their own sessions, their own inner city learning. It'll be exciting to see what they learn!
• being with my husband! He almost went to a different event this weekend, so I'm particularly thankful that we'll be together.

how we could be all the time

I saw this video at nance and sean's a couple of weeks ago. It inspired me. I started writing this post with words articulating more thoughts and reflections about thinking 'collectively'.

But then, I decided that I can't do justice to the idea, nor can I even communicate whats in my own head ... so, better to let the video speak all by itself. (and you have to watch it in its entirety - 41/2 minutes - It's worth it! The message is in the crowd, not Oprah or the lyrics ...)

I like it. I'm inspired. I wish and pray for the world to move together, letting the rhythm and reason established by the Master Choreographer guide us ...

95, Thankfulness, Family

Thanksgiving is a great concept. Taking time to express thanks, to reflect, to realize all that we have is a wonderful exercise.

I hope all of you have made wonderful memories with those close to you.

We've had a lovely thanksgiving weekend. We had the privilege of picking up our niece from the airport on Thursday, and we met her fiance. They spent a night at Flatlanders, and the kids got to miss some school time while we had a bit of a leisurely breakfast with them the next day. We hosted lots of family and friends at Flatlanders on Friday and Saturday. We even had a time of creativity for the Flatlanders community.. some evidence of our efforts might follow once everything is hung and ready to be photographed.

We took a new friend named Ray to lunch today, and the kids were thrilled that he wanted KFC... a rare treat! His thanksgiving memories from childhood aren't great... but he was inspiring as he talked about the things he is thankful for in his humble day to day life.

Tonight, we celebrated thanksgiving and my Pepere's 95th birthday. This photo of him with Owen was taken this summer. Owen shares a name and almost a birthday with him. (they're 2 days and 81 years apart!)

85 people crowded in to a restaurant in St. James to wish him well and recall wonderful memories. He has lived a wonderful, simple life of love and commitment to family. A journal was passed around where we could all record stories and messages for him.

I wrote about remembering him as a vegetable farmer... I remember walking in the field closest to his house - the one where he and memere raised their 11 kids - checking the progress of the potato plants. I remember him picking baby potatoes out of the dirt and passing them to me... and I ate them. Just like that, dirt still on. Aren't those the best memories ... the ones that engage our senses?

Thankfulness. Family. Loved ones. Relationship. Memories. Goodness. Laughter. Friendships. Rhythm. There are so many glimpses of beauty in every day.

the tension - not wanting 'me' to be more important than 'us'

Have you ever felt pulled in different directions? I have been wrestling lately. Who am I to believe something different than what I've been taught? Who am I to act in ways that haven't been modeled to me? Who am I to be different?

In class last week, we had this discussion about being 'neighbors'. A quote from an author named Rowan Williams was the centrepiece of the discussion;

"instead of being concerned about one's neighbor,

be occupied with one's own faults."

This is a helpful idea for the counselling field; we must always be taking careful measures to avoid judging, assuming, not believing the best about clients. That's probably why this quote was highlighted for us. And it is a good reminder to not compete, criticize, or compare ourselves with others.

But for me, I had this picture in my mind of someone with a neighbor on either side, one neighbor needing mercy and love, the other neighbor full of condemnation and judgement for the needy neighbor. This idea illustrates the tension I feel each day as I observe situations and realities in the community I live in and as I reflect on the lack of understanding for this reality that I've always been surrounded with. What is the friend in the middle to do, how does s/he 'be a neighbor' to both neighbors? If s/he's only occupied with himself (or herself) and feels reluctant to address the harm being caused by the judging neighbor, is s/he really a neighbor to the needy neighbor? Or to either neighbor? If s/he does speak out, isn't s/he also judging? The outcome of the discussion with my classmates was that engaging with both neighbors in loving ways might lead to confronting the harm being done, and that this is indeed a neighborly pursuit. hmm. It was a lively conversation, one that got a lot of us thinking.



Just today, I re-read my last post and thought about how I might be saying something negative about my friend's family. I talked about how he jokingly referred to being taught to fear those different from himself. I was feeling bad because I didn't want to hurt or offend by being somewhat critical of teaching children to fear others. THAT is the tension, right there. I want to criticize our society (not my friend or his family), but a culture that says its okay to be fearful and protective at the expense of people and relationship. Its not okay! Its not okay to elevate 'me' over 'us'. And if you look around (with seeing eyes), you'll observe the hefty price being paid by many ... But at the same time, how can I be critical of anything when I have so many faults? How can any of us point fingers anywhere but at ourselves? And furthermore.. how do we go around pointing fingers at people and things that we are totally familiar and comfortable with? How do we change, how do we address the wrong we do each day and the ways that our own actions perpetuate and create the very things that we become so fearful of?


Sometimes, I leave posts at this point. I just ask questions, but don't offer anything else. Mostly because I usually have more questions than answers... but this time, I am going to push the envelope even further than I already have....


I'm gonna suggest that personal change is essential for all of us. We have to personally take responsibility for the ways we've judged, condemned, isolated, marginalized, oppressed, silenced, ignored, pushed aside ...... we have to take responsibility for the society we have created and the tremendous harm that is done all over the world because of our self involvement and complacency.

Structural changes can make a difference when personal changes have preceded them. They fall flat when they're expected to make a difference by themselves.



Could you take more responsibility for 'us'? That would be so good for community. That would be so good for the world.

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

Just then a lawyer stood up to test Jesus. ‘Teacher,’ he said, ‘what must I do to inherit eternal life?’ He said to him, ‘What is written in the law? What do you read there?’ He answered, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbour as yourself.’ And he said to him, ‘You have given the right answer; do this, and you will live.’
But wanting to justify himself, he asked Jesus, ‘And who is my neighbour?’

Jesus replied, ‘A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell into the hands of robbers, who stripped him, beat him, and went away, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road; and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan while travelling came near him; and when he saw him, he was moved with pity. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, having poured oil and wine on them. Then he put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him.

The next day he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said, “Take care of him; and when I come back, I will repay you whatever more you spend.”

Which of these three, do you think, was a neighbour to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers?’ He said, ‘The one who showed him mercy.’

Jesus said to him, ‘Go and do likewise.’

too many topics

Sometimes it feels like I have not much to say. This isn't one of those times. I have had so much in my head recently I have had to stop and make notes just so my brain wouldn't overflow.
So this post is just a conglomeration of things I've been wondering about lately, a 'pot-pourri' as my pastor would say. (and he'd anglicize it and make sure to pronounce the 't'.)

• i spent last week learning. i really love the mod format for seminary classes where I study. its good to have 'intensives' - it means that other times are less intense. or at least it's supposed to...
• on the way home i picked up two hitchhikers. I know i learned a lot from class, but the things i learned from these two young people were just as relevant, methinks. They liked to talk, and they indulged my curiosity. We talked all the way from Regina to Winnipeg. They termed themselves 'travelling kids' and they had all sorts of underground info about how to 'borrow' transportation. They taught me that the Arlington bridge in Winnipeg got here by accident; it was actually constructed for the River Nile. Yup. These two have hopped trains and hitchiked all over North America. They aren't interested in playing by the rules or cooperating with any systems, they just want to do their own thing. And they don't want be judged for it, but they know that they frequently are. hmmmm. I really like picking up hitchhikers. I always feel sad when my car is too full and I can't manage to help someone out. When I was asking a friend about his hitchhiker-picking-up habits, he jokingly referred to growing up in a home where 'he was taught to fear people who are different.' hmmm. Thats sad, hey? My son happened to be there for that conversation, and I was reassured that he is not being raised to fear those who are different than himself. So, I learned from the hitchhikers AND got a point on the my-kids-might-just-be-okay-in-spite-of-me scale. :)
• Releasing and embracing: this may become a post of its own - but for now, I'll just touch on it. As I grow in my understanding of what it means to be a therapist, I realize that there is much to embrace and much to let go of. For example, I know that I need to embrace a more moderate approach. I am solution oriented.. I have a struggle to sit with people and patiently explore patterns and situations. I just want to be FIXING. THis is not the role of a counselor. On the other hand, I'm letting go of my task-orientation in order to pick up a more affirming, patient, non-anxious orientation. I like that. I look forward to growing in this area.
• One of my favorite people visited me for a day on campus and a sleepover while i was at caronport. What a treat! I so enjoyed the time together, the sharing of life - deeply honest talk about struggles, joys, beauty and pain. I know I talk about relationships a lot in this blog, but they really are my most treasured 'possession'.
• For one of my pre-class assignments, I had to write about a book called 'The Doctrine of Humanity'. I may be a Masters student, but books like this are beyond my brain power. But somehow, some seeds from this text captured me. I found myself thinking about individualism and collectivism. (is that a word?) I have been praying to be free from 'individualism'. I don't want to be concerned with myself to the exclusion of others...
• life is good. It is full, it is not easy, but we are doing very well these days. We continue to adjust, to settle in, to question, to pray.. and we are blessed.

praying ladies reunion

I am writing this post from Caronport, my 'home away from home'. I realized tonight as I settled in and was getting unpacked that I have quite a little routine established by now! I put my clothes in the same spots, hang my scarves in the same place, bring the same meals, and generally just appreciate that everything has a place and no one is going to mess with it for five whole days! Oh, yeah, and I really enjoy the things I'm learning while I'm here, too.

But, I digress.. this post is about the WEEKEND! What a great time I had reconnecting with two of my favorite people! Some of you may not know that the 'praying ladies' is a silly little name for three pretty silly women who once had a weekly meeting where they got together to pray. Since one of the members (me!) is no longer nearby, we capitalized on the chance to hang out while we were all in the same province this weekend.

We reconnected and had such an enjoyable time. Of course there was FOOD! Here's a suggestion for those of you who like a recipe idea;

Spread cream cheese on a tortilla shell, then wrap around pickled asparagus spears (available at Costco, of course.). Very tasty. I also tried the wrap with tomato and cucumber (and the asparagus) - that was also good!

Really, cream cheese makes everything good, right?

We saw many Moose Jaw sights, went into cool shoppes, checked out Yvette Moore's gallery, splurged on great coffees, tried on thrift store clothes, and laughed like crazy! We had a great meal in

a restaurant converted from what was once a very grand home. And Sunday morning, we went to church at St. Aidans.

This isn't the first time we've done a little excursion like this; and a pattern is emerging.. we tend to meet really interesting and lovely people on these getaways. This weekend, we met an artist named Gladys who was so inspiring and warm. This woman cares for others and seems to to be a blessing to everyone in her path! For fun, she dons a clown suit and goes to places like the children's hospital. Recently, she started making jewellery out of dried potatoes. (for real - I even got a necklace!) I'm sure her schedule would wear me down - and she's retired!

I thought of a couple of other friends as we were exploring and wandering about. This photo (below) is for Mel R. It also comes in black. Maybe it's hard to tell in the photo, but the purse is a SHOE! hehe!

And this stained glass work (which I did ask permission to photograph!) reminded me of Jess.

a prophet speaks?

I am always shocked at the upside-down, 'so you think you've got it all figured out, hey?' way that Jesus is at work in the world.

I like to think I make lots of room for the spirit, that I resist rock-solid conclusions and emphatic positions about things. I like to think I'm pretty open ... but sometimes, I just have to shake my head and realize how mysterious and crazy the whole thing is, and that every day is supposed to have surprises!

That happened twice this week, both (not surprisingly) at the Vineyard drop in for local residents and community members.

On Tuesday, I was chatting with Blackie (I'm actually using his real name because he told me I could and he likes for his stories to be shared!). We were talking about his friend, how he was doing, then he suddenly started blinking repeatedly. I was sort of alarmed, but not really since he does blink a lot. So I said 'blackie, whats going on with your eyes?' The rest of the converstion went like this:


Blackie: 'I'm looking at you like you look at me.'

Me: Huh? 'blackie, what are you talking about?!'

Blackie: 'you know, how you look at me... you SEE me. lots of people look at me and they see nothing. They see through me. I can see you seeing me.... Like this. (more blinking)"


I still wasn't totally sure what he meant, but I was beginning to realize there was something profound going on in this little conversation.


Me: "Whats different about the way some people look at you, Blackie?'

Blackie: "Its not some people, its the christians. They see me. (like this.. more blinking!)." " I can see in their eyes that know Jesus."

Me: "So is is something like Love? You feel love from them?'

Blackie: "I don't feel it, I SEE it."


So, that conversation happened on Tuesday.

There was drop in again this morning.
After a while, I introduced Blackie to my son, who was home because he refused to go on a school field trip. Fine, we told him, but we promised it would be no bucket of roses if he stayed home. (He is outside picking up garbage as I write this!)

Their conversation went something like this:

me: blackie, this is my boy.

Blackie: (pushing a chair out) "Sit down here, Kelly's son. We're gonna have a meeting. (points to me) You - sit down too. I have some things to say."

Owen: sits down with eyes wide and a face that says 'oh, shit, what have I gotten myself into?!' (I don't know for sure, but maybe at this point he was wishing he was in St. Boniface with his schoolmates?!)

Blackie; "I see you, boy. I see you have a whole life ahead of you. Don't do what I did! Dont get into gangs. Don't be a bully. Be always kind."

Owen: yup...

Blackie: "and listen to your parents. You don't listen do you? You like it going only your own way?"

Owen: looking at me with confusion.. "I guess..."

blackie: "I can see your heart... and its torn. You gotta let that go!" .... "Why is it angry in your heart?"

I continued to sit there, unable to escape the feeling that there was something deeply significant and deeply spiritual going on. Blackie shared a lot of himself and his story with Owen. He talked about his problem - being an alcoholic. (again, I'm not sharing out of turn here, Blackie likes to share and talk honestly with people. He'll be open and real with anyone!) He talked about the dangers and realities of life 'on the street.' He talked about prison. And he told Owen that it starts with being angry and not caring about others; not listening to no one. At the end, Blackie wept as he hugged owen. He left with these words: "don't think you can't end up like me, and don't think that angry feeling is going to do you any good, 'cause it ain't!"

I daily remember Nathan Regier's advice to always be on the lookout for beauty in what many people think are unlikeliest places!

I realize every day how much more there is to know about jesus and the ways he is at work.

So, this wasn't an intentional lead in or anything; but it seems appropriate to share about an upcoming event. Winnipeg centre vineyard is hosting a conference next month called What Love Does. Blackie will be there, he is already anxious to share his stories with people from all over Canada. There'll also be a workshop about communal living put on by the residents of Flatlanders Inn!

meet the teacher

We went to the kids school today to meet their teachers. What an awesome experience! We were supposed to all go, but then Bren decided we should go without the kids so we could hang out a bit afterward.

The school has so many opportunities and such a great feeling of community. As a grade nine student, O could go to Quebec or Costa Rica in the spring. Since Bren and I went to quebec in grade nine (yes, we were already dating!), we're thinking this is such a great option for him. If we go ahead with it, be ready for some innovative fundraising ideas!

Syd will go to Camp in November, and that sounds like a very fun time. The grade 12 leadership students are the activity planners, along with some core staff members.

Mostly it was great to hear the teachers' impressions about our kids so far. Its so cool to see how the things that are unique about each of them come through regardless of the context. One teacher said if not for the last name, she'd never have guessed these two kids could be related, thats how different they are.

The low down is that both of our kids are settling in, making friends, doing just fine in immersion, and all seems well. I'm breathing a sigh of happy relief.

We've had some conflict recently about extra-curricular activities. Owen randomly decided he wasn't doing school sports. Sydney randomly decided that the choir she was planning to join was dumb. We told him them in our family, decisions like these get made as a result of discussing things together and exploring ideas. If a dictatorship is preferred, dictator will be over the age of 16! So, after discussing things ... Owen IS playing vball, along with some new friends he encouraged to participate, and Syd IS going to sing Beatles songs in the Jr. choir, where she will undoubtedly learn many wonderful things.

The night ended with bren and I stopping for a samosa at Finales.. a quick date that is becoming a weekly event!

Responses

We've had some interesting responses from friends and family as we've settled in to community life in the inner city. I thought I'd share a few...

"Is this like a midlife crisis or something? Aren't you guys too young for a midlife crisis?"

"Main and where? there are no houses there. ARe you living in a condemned building?"

"So.. where are your kids going to live, then?"

"My car's been in the parking lot for half an hour, should we check if its still there?"

"You're the family that lives at Flatlanders? We're so excited to have you with us!"

"Let me know when you get a real house, then I'll visit you! Or maybe we could go to a restaurant to visit?"

"YOu live in a church? That must be convenient on Sundays!"

"It's so good to have a family here!"

"Wow, I guess that decision is the definition of calling!"

"Are you running away from something?"

"Why?"

"Your kids can sleep over at our place, 'cuz ours are sure not going there! We only have two of them, you know!"

"What do you do to feel safe?"

These responses have at times been hilarious, at other times heartbreaking. To be honest, I was simply unprepared for the level of skepticism we've encountered. Don't hear me emphasizing only the negative; there have been many encouragements and affirmations too! And don't hear me only questioning the questioners; we had to come to terms with our fair share of questions, too.

The vision for Flatlanders Inn includes many more families to living here in the years ahead. In fact two family units are going to be under construction by the end of the year. You know, my heart for that vision is growing daily; not only for what it means for the Flatlanders community, but also for what it could mean in the broader community.

Have you seen that MCC poster that has a bunch of sayings about building global community? One of the sayings reads: "Don't confuse your comfort with your safety." That line has played in my mind often lately!

I re-read Mark's account of the Gerasene (Gadarene?) demoniac this morning, and again at our worship night tonight. Mark spends more time on this story than do Luke and Matthew, I think it's because Mark is emphasizing the importance of the kingdom ministry of breaking down barriers. Early in his modeling to his followers, Jesus chose to take them to a place where there were many things they would have had no previous experience of; things that were completely UNSAFE for a good Jew. He exposed them to: demons, gentiles, pigs, blood, tombs - he brought them to the least safe place imagineable! (Imagine those boys getting out of the boat, mouths agape, minds racing, wondering what on earth this Jesus was leading them into! And wondering how they could ever get clean again!) By the end of this story, Jesus demonstrates some of what he was on earth to accomplish - some important aspects of the ministry that would ultimately be passed on to those who follow him. I love that he knew all the rules and methodically went about breaking them! I love that he showed - not just told, but SHOWED - how the rules were not only unhelpful, they weren't even in accordance with the scriptures they were supposedly founded upon.

I first printed off and pasted that passage in my journal over a year ago. I've been thinking on it for a while now, and there are still new things when I read it again. I love that story. My favorite part is when the madman is clothed (having been naked) and restored, sitting calmly, conversing with Jesus. I see that image in my head and the word DIGNITY comes to mind. What hope did he have if jesus hadn't come to him? There would have been no way he could have come anywhere near Jesus on his own - the dividing walls were just too big. Jesus had to make the first move for someone in his circumstances.

Jesus came, defying all logic and reason. He came to the man living in the tombs, and he comes to us.

oceans of irony

ever had one of those moments where you don't want to eavesdrop on someone, but its almost impossible NOT to? They're having a loud conversation in a quiet place, and you can't drown them out no matter how hard you try? And there's nowhere else to sit? You try to read your book, but you keep losing your place - you read the same page 16 times? ok.. so, you know what i mean..

I had one of those experiences recently. I really didn't want to overhear the conversation. What's worse is that it still hasn't left me... and its been over a week. So I'm going to blog about it and hope that it clears my thoughts...

A man and a woman, clearly from the same church and circle of friends, are talking while they wait for their respective children at an after school activity. We'll call them Fred and Betty. Fred is associated with law enforcement and the justice system somehow. (the irony of his involvement with anything called justice is nothing short of tragic....) Conversation starts out with Fred ridiculing the folks he works with, the ones he serves... the incarcerated criminal population. His tone is superior; seeping with condemnation and judgement. He refers to addictions, unhealthy patterns, family dynamics.. he says lots of things that might be factual. But the only thing I could hear was his 'if-only-everyone-was-like-me' attitude and the way he was empty of anything resembling compassion. (at least in this moment - I have no doubt Fred is a compassionate fellow at other times...)

He made 'us' seem like perfection served on wonder bread, while 'them' were seemingly undeserving of air to breathe. He clearly saw himself as successful, and therefore worthy; while the deadbeats he was talking about couldn't possibly attain this ideal; they're way too useless. In fact doing anything other than locking them up and ignoring them until they kill each other is a complete waste of time. (Its been a while but I think thats a direct quote.)

The whole while, Betty just clucked with understanding, her head bobbing up and down sympathetically. She threw in a few comments of her own, but she wasn't nearly as vile as Fred. She did liken a newcomer in her neighborhood to the subjects of Fred's distaste. Someone had the audacity to move in and sleep during the day while her kids played outside and were a menace to the community... you see, she was one of 'them', too. (My first thought was that perhaps the newcomer worked a night shift, and might need some support - but apparently this wasn't in the realm of possibilities for Betty.)

Need I mention that my blood was boiling? I would have said something, but I didn't trust myself to not spew some angry, teary insults of my own...

Fred and Betty's conversation continued, on a much lighter note after they had finished talking about the dregs of society..... now, they talked about their friends in common. Betty offered lots of helpful information about many people they both knew (read: gossip). Many of the people in their circle were described as struggling. I (and several other people in the room!) were treated to loads of personal information about broken marriages, teens battling drug addictions, people hospitalized for overdosing on performance enhancing drugs, extramarital affairs, and even a friend who couldn't get her eating disorder back under control. It was sad to hear about how much pain and hurt existed among Fred and Betty's shared friends.

It was even sadder how the two of them could find no commonality in the brokenness of the all people - some people received judgement and condemnation, others were good fodder for the gossip session. But no one warranted a single compassionate word.

There was something sickeningly absent from the entire conversation. Love.

I was desperately searching for it and I couldn't find a shred of it. Not in words, posture, tone, subtle hints... nada. Sad.

Did I mention that Fred and Betty are members of the same church? yeah. They go to this place where people worship and adore the God who said something about being love and having followers who would be known for their love.

yeah. no wonder I've been haunted by this conversation all week, hey?

Did I mention irony?