the tension - not wanting 'me' to be more important than 'us'

Have you ever felt pulled in different directions? I have been wrestling lately. Who am I to believe something different than what I've been taught? Who am I to act in ways that haven't been modeled to me? Who am I to be different?

In class last week, we had this discussion about being 'neighbors'. A quote from an author named Rowan Williams was the centrepiece of the discussion;

"instead of being concerned about one's neighbor,

be occupied with one's own faults."

This is a helpful idea for the counselling field; we must always be taking careful measures to avoid judging, assuming, not believing the best about clients. That's probably why this quote was highlighted for us. And it is a good reminder to not compete, criticize, or compare ourselves with others.

But for me, I had this picture in my mind of someone with a neighbor on either side, one neighbor needing mercy and love, the other neighbor full of condemnation and judgement for the needy neighbor. This idea illustrates the tension I feel each day as I observe situations and realities in the community I live in and as I reflect on the lack of understanding for this reality that I've always been surrounded with. What is the friend in the middle to do, how does s/he 'be a neighbor' to both neighbors? If s/he's only occupied with himself (or herself) and feels reluctant to address the harm being caused by the judging neighbor, is s/he really a neighbor to the needy neighbor? Or to either neighbor? If s/he does speak out, isn't s/he also judging? The outcome of the discussion with my classmates was that engaging with both neighbors in loving ways might lead to confronting the harm being done, and that this is indeed a neighborly pursuit. hmm. It was a lively conversation, one that got a lot of us thinking.



Just today, I re-read my last post and thought about how I might be saying something negative about my friend's family. I talked about how he jokingly referred to being taught to fear those different from himself. I was feeling bad because I didn't want to hurt or offend by being somewhat critical of teaching children to fear others. THAT is the tension, right there. I want to criticize our society (not my friend or his family), but a culture that says its okay to be fearful and protective at the expense of people and relationship. Its not okay! Its not okay to elevate 'me' over 'us'. And if you look around (with seeing eyes), you'll observe the hefty price being paid by many ... But at the same time, how can I be critical of anything when I have so many faults? How can any of us point fingers anywhere but at ourselves? And furthermore.. how do we go around pointing fingers at people and things that we are totally familiar and comfortable with? How do we change, how do we address the wrong we do each day and the ways that our own actions perpetuate and create the very things that we become so fearful of?


Sometimes, I leave posts at this point. I just ask questions, but don't offer anything else. Mostly because I usually have more questions than answers... but this time, I am going to push the envelope even further than I already have....


I'm gonna suggest that personal change is essential for all of us. We have to personally take responsibility for the ways we've judged, condemned, isolated, marginalized, oppressed, silenced, ignored, pushed aside ...... we have to take responsibility for the society we have created and the tremendous harm that is done all over the world because of our self involvement and complacency.

Structural changes can make a difference when personal changes have preceded them. They fall flat when they're expected to make a difference by themselves.



Could you take more responsibility for 'us'? That would be so good for community. That would be so good for the world.

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

Just then a lawyer stood up to test Jesus. ‘Teacher,’ he said, ‘what must I do to inherit eternal life?’ He said to him, ‘What is written in the law? What do you read there?’ He answered, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbour as yourself.’ And he said to him, ‘You have given the right answer; do this, and you will live.’
But wanting to justify himself, he asked Jesus, ‘And who is my neighbour?’

Jesus replied, ‘A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell into the hands of robbers, who stripped him, beat him, and went away, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road; and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan while travelling came near him; and when he saw him, he was moved with pity. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, having poured oil and wine on them. Then he put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him.

The next day he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said, “Take care of him; and when I come back, I will repay you whatever more you spend.”

Which of these three, do you think, was a neighbour to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers?’ He said, ‘The one who showed him mercy.’

Jesus said to him, ‘Go and do likewise.’