immersion

“Your profession is not what brings 

home your paycheck. Your profession is what 

you were put on earth to do with such 

passion and such intensity that it 

becomes spiritual in calling.”     

Vincent Van Gogh

  I asked for a copy of this image as a birthday present.  I can't recall ever asking for a specific thing before. I had seen it in a show 2 years ago - framed with the Van Gogh quote along the bottom - and I was completely captivated by it. The image is actually the cover of a book**, which includes lots of amazing underwater shots -  but what I asked for (and got) was a large, framed copy of the image just by itself. 

Anyway, I don't know what Rod and Sonya of Eve Studios named this image, but what came to mind while I stared at it was 'immersion'. Here is a bit of what it says to me so far...

It speaks to me about living risky and immersed, exposed and vulnerable.  Plunging in anyway, somehow staying on track in spite of yourself.  Knowing that there are costs and being willing to pay them. Looking fear and complacency right in the eye and saying (with intensity and conviction) ' you two are LOUD, but maybe you don't get to have the last word ..." 

I think this image gave me a visual representation I could associate with courageously living differently. I don't always feel that courage, but there ARE times when it is intensely present, brimming over even.

The profession reference in the quote (for me, anyway) speaks to living at and being part of  Flatlanders Inn. As I recall, when I saw this image for the first time, I had recently experienced yet another encounter with someone who looked at me like I had three heads because we choose to live where and how we do. This image gave me a visual - something to rest in and help me feel okay in my own skin and about our choices, okay to be our family -  just the way we are, and to immerse ourselves into something deep and life-altering without guarantees or even the support we sometimes wish we had more of.  We know that what we're doing isn't normal, and we know that many people won't or can't open themselves to something that seems so different.  (It isn't actually that different, but fear and complacency are loud, great convincers for humans!)

At the same time, there is so much grace communicated; its as if the model is suspended in the water. There is a sureness about her that seems out of place. As a viewer, if you've ever been in a swimming pool, you know she can't be suspended, its impossible - you know she's sinking and that her limbs must be moving. It makes me wonder: do our human attempts to do things that feel risky, unstable, like guaranteed failure, things that look just plain ridiculous... do they look this beautiful if captured in a certain moment, through a certain lens or from a certain perspective? Can we be graceful when we feel clumsy, laborious, unsure?  Do faith and trust help the whole thing to appear graceful when its also cloudy and confusing?  Is that part of what it means for calling to be spiritual - that there is a lot of risk and uncertainty in it?

Anyway, as of my birthday last week, I get to be inspired by this image every single day.  The ways to engage with it are endless..... I'm thankful to Lorrie, Lisa, Karen, Bren, Cory, and Bek for all pitching in so that I could contemplate 'immersion' every day!

** Those photo books are still available, by the way, and the proceeds from sales support water projects in the developing world. (Go here for more info if you're interested in the book - i think the shipping is free!)  You can also search out the H2Oohhh exhibit page on Facebook for more info.

finding community

most times, when i mention community on this blog, I am referring to Flats, because my family lives 'in community' with lots of other people. (btw, Matt has been blogging about community lately, you should read his blog.  its more interesting than mine ...  and he wouldn't be caught dead using this font over there, either.)
but today I'm paying respect to another kind of community and location ... my school community.  I've studied at this great seminary in a little town about 7 hours from my home for the past 3 years. I come out here by car, plane, or bus, stay in a dorm or someone's guest room, and settle in for a week of classes.  Usually I have a couple of months post-class to complete and hand in the assignments and papers.  There's usually some intense reading and writing beforehand, too.  My program requires 25 classes + an internship.  Thankfully, I had a few under my belt before I started, and I've been able to do a few by distance.  I met with my advisor today and confirmed that I only have 6 left! (and a major project.....)  I personally think we should get at least 2 degrees for this amount of work; two of my friends in health care recently started their Masters programs and they only have 7 classes to do in order to get their degrees.  But I digress.... I wanted to talk about community, not whine about academic injustice.  (Have you ever noticed that I can find a way to label just about anything as injustice?)
I remember when I was accepted into this program, aside from the shock and overwhelming insecurity, I also knew how important it would be for me to feel connected and how hard it would be to feel isolated.  I worried about how on earth I could find any type of community when I'd only be on campus a handful of times/year. Somehow, though, connections did emerge and relationships did happen ... I have a pretty good routine of people and places to visit, classmates to coffee with, people to round up for a meal at Boston Pizza in Moose Jaw, friends to play games with.. its seems unbelievable that it happened and I always feel so thankful that it did. At the same time, I wonder what I was worried about.  As so often happens, things have a way of working themselves out and we usually needn't preoccupy ourselves with the worries we do.
I have met some tremendous people over my years at school, and each time I'm here I find myself marvelling at the kinds of people from all over North America (and further!) that I get to study with and learn alongside.  My life has been shaped not only by studies and profs, but also by fellow students - many of whom I have shared great dialogue, openness, encouragement, and challenges with.  It probably helps that I study with a bunch of soon-to-be counsellors, we reach out to each other pretty easily, and our class content and role-plays often mean that we get into each other's lives and stories quite a bit.
I'm in the homestretch (I'll only be here 5 more times, including graduation) - I can actually see a day when I will have my life back from the massive time and energy consumer called 'never ending school work'! But part of the reason I'm writing this post is because I want to remind myself to savor this last leg of the journey ... being a seminarian and a graduate student has definitely changed me and the course of my life and I'm really thankful for all the people and events that have been part of that journey.
(or maybe I actually wrote this post because I am harbouring a secret hope that one Thursday soon I will get to be seminarian of the week... ?!?!?)

thankful

Saturday morning, I heard the sad news that my friend Christina had passed away.  I spent the day rather dishevelled and in a fog.  

Can I tell you a little about Christina?  I know she'd love that her picture is on a blog, and her stories are being told.  She loved being remembered, noticed, appreciated.  

She loved being loved!

I met her in 2009, shortly after our family moved to Flatlanders Inn. She came for our Wednesday potluck. After we'd eaten she asked when the women's prayer group was meeting.  Turns out she thought it was Friday and was looking for another event in the church, she hadn't even meant to come to Flats.... but then she kept coming, every Wednesday night for the next two years.  She'd bring food to share, sometimes chicken nuggets or instant potatoes, but she always wanted to contribute!

Both Christina and I had mothers who had struggled with mental illness and who had passed away many years ago. We discovered this story-in-common early in our friendship.  We hardly ever discussed it, but every so often if the topic of care or childhood would come up, she'd say something about the kind of mutual understanding we shared. Trust grew between us, in the way that it does, winding and testing.  Getting stronger with shared experience, shared laughter, shared hearts, shared hurts. 

 Christina was an artist, and she had this deep longing to communicate brokenness AND hope in every piece she created.
When our artspace opened up, she was became a regular attender at the art drop in. She loved Jesus.  When she was feeling strong, she wanted to pray for you, looking for ways to encourage and bless everyone she met.  When she was feeling low, she asked people to pray for her often.

Christina loved Christian trinkets. She couldn't resist buying a t-shirt or hat that had words or images about love or peace. Her jewellery collection was extensive and included lots of crosses.  If you got curious about the stuff she loved, you'd learn that she just wanted to communicate the love and hope of God to everyone.  She had a mixed up relationship with 'stuff', and it consumed a lot of her energy. ... and often the energy of her friends!   Flatlanders experimented with storing some of her treasures - but in the end, we sent them back to her place because of the tension it brought into our relationship.  

Some of my favourite Christina memories; 

...having coffee in portage place
...sorting through her stuff and hanging clothes on very specific hangers, in very specific order, in a very specific way :)
...rummaging through her purse for some lost item
...the time she made a huge pot of soup for flatlanders and everyone loved it

...being shown a new photo or artistic piece and hearing the story of how it came to be

... the way she would choose an outfit and accessories, usually including a hat!

...seeing the abandon she danced with every sunday in church, even when her arm was injured

I'm pretty sure our last phone conversation was a prayer.  I have guilt over the phone calls I didn't answer and the messages I didn't return, but I know that our friendship was real and mutual - we were honest with each other.  'Be strong' was a phrase said between us often.

Christina gave me a celtic cross from her jewellery collection.  When she was alive, I wore it because I was grateful that she was in my life.  Now that she's gone, I'll wear it in her memory and in thankfulness for all that I learned from her. 

Christina taught me about beauty, about suffering, about joy, about intimacy, about vulnerability, about prayer, about Jesus.

She taught me about Jesus because I saw him in her all the time.

Be at peace, dear Christina, you will be missed by so many.
We love you.

                    ...until we meet again...

daily life in community = FULL

I love living in community.  Being with people is very FILLING for me; I'm an extrovert and enjoy the daily interactions.  Today's 5 minute friday prompt is FULL.  So, here are a few unedited thoughts from the last week, just a few reasons I love living with 25 people!

Cake-off... a sneaky brendan decides we need a healthy dose of competitiveness in our supper team, so he challenges Colin to a cake off.  Very yummy, chocolatey fun!

Unloading groceries ... mundane, yes.  But every week the grocery shopper texts everyone who is home on friday and says 'spread the word, groceries arriving in 10 minutes'... and then we haul, sort, unpack, and put away a tonne (well, almost) of groceries together.  (It's no small feat to shop and store food for such a big group, we have it down to a pretty smooth running rhythm!)

massages ... i went for a massage last week (from a bona fide professional!) for the first time in a long time.  For the first time ever, she said that my neck and shoulders are in pretty good shape.  You know why?  Because I have a live in massage therapist (she's actually a designer, but she should make massage her day job!) who is willing to give me a great massage on a regular basis, just because she loves me and is wonderful.

returning housemates - tis the season for folks to go on holidays, and when they are away their absence is very noticeable. But then, they come home!  And things settle back into something that feels RIGHT, and we get gooey kisses and smiley 'good mornings' from happy little girls once again!

awaiting babies - Flats is in anticipation mode, waiting ever so patiently for the newest community member to make his or her entrance to the world.  It is very fun to be awaiting this new life and we are so excited about the ways he/she will enrich and change us!

  times up.. a little more than 5 minutes, actually!  Thanks for letting me share just a snapshot of  why it is so good to live communally!

5 minute fridays - the gypsy mama invites us to blog for 5 minutes - unedited, on the prompt she gives every week.
This weeks prompt was FULL.  JOIN IN!

containers

" ...  community is the place where the 

truth of God lives, is revealed, 

and the container that it pours out of ... "  

                                                       

.... if you're afraid of the neighborhood

Lots of people in the Point Douglas/Lord Selkirk Park communities have been working on an extensive consultation process to generate feedback and ideas for revitalization and coordination of service delivery.  Over at Flats we've been trying to be part of the movement; it was encouraging to hear that our folks had some helpful, even extensive data turned in through the collection of resident surveys.

This morning was a service provider's forum, and it was a pleasure to be among so many people who are dedicated to the community and want to find sustainable, long term solutions to local concerns.  It was also a pleasure to be among those who recognize and are part of the strengths of the neighborhood.  We might be one of the poorest regions in the country (statistically), but we are also one of the most community minded (statistically).

The talk about barriers and bottlenecks was peppered with reminders about strengths, resilience, empowerment, victories and successful partnerships.

My favorite thoughts of the day...

• programs don't change people or communities, they're just part of the mechanism which enables relationships and trust building.
• if you're afraid of the neighborhood, don't work in it!   (Recognition that negative neighborhood perception is fueled by an often uninformed public.)
• need for reverse mentoring - our neighborhood people educating workers, agencies, and public servants.
• a request for honesty about the gap between decision makers and end users; a recognition of the unjust distribution of power 

It was good.

tea and toast

  I was getting dropped off this morning when i saw some friends from the community sitting and visiting on our north stairs... they hadn't been around a whole lot in the last few months, and last I heard they were homeless.  I decided to go hang out with them, not wanting to miss one of my rare chances to do that these days.  ( since taking a job I have been missing the weekly drop in gatherings - its a big loss for me)  I got caught up on the news of their lives for a few minutes before my growling stomach started to distract me (I hadn't eaten much for breakfast before I left for an early meeting).

I invited them into the church kitchen, scrounged around a bit and found some bread and honey, along with a few tea bags.  We had a little feast of tea, toast, laughter, and friendship.  

Hardly noteworthy, yet somehow profound for me.  Availability and relationship - the combination of these two things is a gift.

happy friday!

Decolonizing

I've been wondering about structural change and social issues since I moved to the inner city over 10 years ago.    This new word I learned - decolonize - seems like a really important theme in the grand scheme of things.

Is there agreement that colonial perspectives are still alive and well in our country?  What would it be like if Canadians were freed from their colonizing mindset and the subtle but pervasive reach of colonial principles?  How could that ever be achieved?

There is something about the gospel, about the stories and the life of Jesus that reminds me of 'decolonizing'.  I wonder what others think....

these days.

A bunch of new Flatlanders moved in over the summer.  I wrote about that in a couple of posts earlier this year ... (see story and planning entries)

 Anyway, its been a while now since we all started sharing the same address and calling it HOME.  I'm going to try and capture some of the details of these last few months, knowing that I cannot do it justice in this format . I'm gonna try anyways.  There have been many sweet, inspiring times.  It goes without saying that the positive isn't all there is, right?  Its so, so GOOD to live and learn with others.

• imagine a mixture of pj's, chore lists, mops and buckets, smells of pine sol mixed with bacon, bed-heads, loud music, finding teenagers hiding from their jobs, and you're starting to get a picture of our saturday morning deep clean routine.  The working together is a highlight of my week. (I also kinda like it when the floors aren't sticky...)
• loving other people's kids.  and other people loving our kids.  and our kids loving being Flatlanders.  I think my heart could explode!
• flatlanders sunday at WCV - a bunch of us leading singing and playing music, a bunch of us bringing tours through the space, a bunch of us sharing about what it means to live in community.  We were all proud of us.
• 5 community meals per week and you never know what you're gonna get...Beet burgers, anyone?! -(very tasty, by the way...)  There is so much fun just waiting to be found in our freezer.
• dreaming - how can we be more present in the neighborhood?  what does it mean to be present?  what does it mean that home is here and here is home?
• hanging out.  usually on the 2nd floor.  there is often someone ready to chat .. maybe even give a shoulder massage!
• capture the flag!! picture it ... about 2000 square feet of warehouse, 2 teams of all ages, all the lights out after dark... and the 'flags' are Owen's old skateboards.  90 minutes of giggles - and not only from the girls!
• one of my sweet nieces,  getting ready for bed during the weekly sleepover: "I want to go say goodnight to the people.  ALL the people."
• conversations about calling, about downward mobility, about Jesus, about seeing and not seeing, about allowing transformation and challenging expectations, theology students finding lots of unique dialogues
• interns who want to serve and learn and love in such beautiful ways it makes my heart hurt

this is the lid from the honey jar. We find lots of creative ways to communicate.

culture making - more of this, less of that...

It's awkward to call the discussions we've been having around Flatlanders lately 'forming' ones, since the community has been around for a while.  Yet, the leadership group that are moving in this fall is untested together, and so we are forming.  We are sorting out how to get what we believe in our head to make sense on our doorstep and in our relationships.

We recognize that we want to be intentional about creating a certain culture... here are some snippets of Monday night conversations in the last few months.

- a culture of participation/engagement - it might seem like a no brainer - people choosing to live in community are generally participators - but still, we know that we need to focus on this.  Sometimes it seems like sustainability is at odds with engagement.

- a culture of teachability and learning, vulnerability -  If you've already got it all figured out and you just want to convert everyone to your ideas, its bad news for life together!  Its amazing to learn from each other, to take situations apart together and wonder 'what can we learn?'

- a culture of sustainable ministry - A decade of inner city experience has taught me that there is a lot of come and go in this work.  I've seen intense passion replaced by intense resignation over the course of one summer - often!  We expect change and are discouraged and frustrated when it looks like nothing is any different.  For our team to be able to make a long term commitment requires a really good, hard look at what we believe about our purpose here, and a lot of honesty about expectations.   Working that out is a long, long process - at least it has been for me.

- a culture of extravagant love and acceptance.  - Unconditional love is always our aim.  We don't assume that people should change - we love folks right where they are at.  The difficulty we often wrestle with is that living at Flatlanders is conditional - and sometimes our friends get mixed up between unconditional love and conditional residency.  That is really hard. Really, really hard.
- a culture of joy and celebration- Our wednesday night potluck has a birthday, sendoff, or other celebration about once/month.  These are times to honor, encourage, and acknowledge one another.  They are beautiful and usually full of stories and laughter.

- a culture of generosity - if we got it, we share it!  Bread, eggs, meals, resources, cars, rides, smokes, spare change, bus tickets... all are regularly shared around here!

- a culture of discerning, not defaulting - you know the familiar patterns ... defend, self protect, blame, shift priority, (known to Bowenian therapists as triangling...)  we really want to hold eachother accountable to this practice of figuring out our ruts and learning our way to better, discerning habits.

- Faithfulness over effectiveness - have you noticed how committed to SUCCESS our society is?  I have been a victim and practitioner of the effective, efficient, goal focused model most of my life.  I doubt I'll ever be totally free of it... BUT - I am (finally?) learning that faithfulness is what we're called to - not effectiveness.  And an extreme commitment to effectiveness compromises faithfulness. (I think this is an idea I started to think about from Stanley Hauerwas)

- Hospitality over charity - North Americans are known as the most charitable people in the world.  Hooray for us!  But hold up -  if we really evaluate 'charity', can we admit that its often a substitute for engagement?  Can we observe that we have lost a lot of face to face caring, a lot of relational possibilities? That we've become charitable at the expense of hospitality?  Can we look really close up and see that often we're paying people (or the government is using our tax dollars) to do what should just be inherent in community?  Can we commit to spending the time and investing the energy to be part of lives instead of expecting the system to solve people problems?

- Genuine community over pseudo community - pseudo community is so easy.  Its nicey, nicey.  It would be so great if it weren't so empty.  This new team seems really committed to doing the hard and beautiful work of genuine community making.

more valid ...

Do you ever feel totally 'invalid' as a person?  Like you mess up more than you contribute, like you're always having things to apologize for and you're always dropping the ball somewhere? 

I feel like that alot!

I had one of those mornings where you wake up and just know in your gut that your alarm hasn't gone off and you're late.  I teach aerobics on Tuesdays at 6:15am and my last task last night was to double check the alarm, but for whatever reason it didn't ring today.  I opened my eyes and thought ... 'its way too light to be earlier than 5:15!'.. then the mad scramble to get in touch with someone and tell them the 'leader' is not going to make it.  Not the greatest start to the day!

i chatted with a beautiful friend yesterday, and she was talking about how church sermons so often leave us feeling like Losers - we should be doing more, we should be more mature, we're not using our gifts... blah blah blah.  I don't know if I've heard a lot of sermons like that lately, but I do know that I don't need a sermon to feel like that.  It's my default mode.  it's ever present.  I don't need an external voice saying those things; my inner dialogue says them all the time. 

The two of us wished for more 'celebratory' conversations and messages.  Not an absence of challenge, but an increase of joy and rejoicing over the great things that happen in daily life and relationship.

(Incidentally, I stumbled upon a new blog recently.  The author has a campaign called I AM ENOUGH.  It's pretty cool.)

I did haul my sorry self out of bed shortly after I realized that I wasn't going to get where I was supposed to be.  I decided to go for a walk - not a run like I often do, but a nice, leisurely, prayer-y WALK.  I was gone for over an hour!  As soon as I stepped out, I knew I made the right choice.

I cleared my head of all the noise.  I heard the traffic, smelled the morning, felt the green of summer, and tasted broken but beautiful joy.  Somewhere on a walking path in Point Douglas, I stopped feeling like a loser and started to feel celebratory and blessed.  As I was 'rounding the corner to our building, one of our neighbors came out. Our chat went like this...

him - 'What are you doing out alone?!'
me - 'walking.'
him - 'I've told you before - I don't like you going for your walks/runs alone all the time.  You could get hurt'
me - 'thanks for caring.'
him - 'We got some extra food from the food bank over at our place.  No one can use it.  You guys want it?'
me - 'sure.'
him - 'k, see ya later, I'll bring it to the drop in.'

a  pretty simple exchange.  But one that reminded me that I'm known in my neighborhood.  And the caring for and supporting is not only going from me/us to them.. It's two way.  Thats is a beautiful ... maybe even VALID - thing in my book.

thanks for reading. 

Here is a photo I took today - I came upstairs to find one of our 'roomies' napping on the couch.  I couldn't resist the opportunity...

If you live in Winnipeg...

You need to check out the forks later this week!  The Truth and Reconciliation Commission is putting on their first event in our city.  There is much to absorb and learn, and the fact that this event crisscrosses the 'Forgiven' Summit that I posted about yesterday is meaningful.. things are happening in our country!  It's exciting.  It seems to me like an answer to many prayers, much weeping, and a lot of desperate crying out to God.

There will be events, storytellers, powwows, music, listening, and lots more from Wed-Sat.  Check out the website here.

i've just printed off the daily programs and highlighted the things I don't want to miss.  I have the advantage of being a 10 minute bike ride away, so hopefully I can take in lots of things.  No one in the Winnipeg area should miss the opportuntiy to engage at least once over the 4 days!

On Wed. night, the music lineup includes Blue Rodeo - hopefully we'll be heading over there after the Bean Gallery Coffee House/House Concert!

I'm going to try and be there each day for the 9am drumming - I have come to adore ceremonial drumming since WCV's What Love Does conference in October.  Also, at 2pm each day, there is a 'releasing tears prayer' in the Oodena Circle.  I'm hoping to make it at least a couple of times.  There is an academic conference on Thursday; Prairie Perspectives on Residential Schools.  The interfaith tent has a discussion about Traditional Spiritualities in conversation with Christianity on Thursday at 10:45.

Maybe I'll even take in a sash making workshop one afternoon!

a story worth sharing.

I've posted before about what it was like for our family to find ourselves in a completely different story than the one we envisioned when our circumstances changed drastically last year.  It felt like an tidal wave engulfed us and somedays it still feels like we're dripping wet and wondering what the heck hit us.  (Those days are thankfully fewer and fewer!)

In the face of so much confusion, we decided to come to Flatlanders for a school year and spend some time serving, learning, healing, and re-orienting ourselves.  We figured it would be clear at the end what direction we'd continue in.  Flatlanders was a perfect fit for who we are as a family, and especially in light of what we'd experienced  - but we thought it was only for the short term!

Sometime in the early spring, we started talking with folks here about the future.  And what it might look like if we CONTINUED to live at Flatlanders.  We were as shocked as anyone to be seriously considering it.  A few times in the early months of living in community, Bren and I would look knowingly at each other, communicating... 'we won't miss THIS when we move out of here next year!'  The month of November was particularly challenging; there were a few times when we wondered if we'd make it to June at all.

Then the snow was melting and the weather started warming, and we began exploring lots of good options for our family.  Moving back to the town our house lives in was pretty high on the list of possibilities.  One of our kids desperately wanted that to happen.  But the more we explored, the less likely it seemed.  A number of other options just didn't feel right either - it was like walking by a beautiful dress in a window and loving it until you try it on and realize that even though it FITS, its not 'you' at all.

In some bizarre, but yet really basic way, Flatlanders (for us, anyway) was more like a dress that you walk by and don't even notice - then one day you actually SEE it, and realize ' I love this - its just right!'  (I can hear Brendan snickering as he reads this - no, he doesn't try on dresses!!)

So, one Thursday in April, over lunch, we told our friend Andy that we had made our decision, and we wanted to stay and join the Long Term Team; a minimum two year commitment!  He was surprised and excited about what this might mean for the future.  We thought the focus of the next year would be recruiting more leaders and establishing a strong core team for the community. 

Our biggest challenge during our first year at Flats was not having enough leadership, and not having enough time to feel like we were addressing the needs around us very well.  We often felt very alone in the task of being the 'stable core' of the community.  (And what miracle earned us the title of 'stable', anyway?!)  Priority #1 for the future would be addressing the leadership gap ... or so we thought.

The best part of the story?

The same day we told Andy we were 'signing on the dotted line', he told us he'd gotten an email from a family who wanted to talk more about moving into Flatlanders as leaders... with their three boys (all under 7!)

That same night, Andy went to a meeting and met up with two other couples (one of whom has a 4 year old and is expecting baby #2 any day), and they also said they were interested in talking more about Flatlanders and leadership.

Shortly after that, two of the founding members of the community started coming around, spending more time, hanging out for weekends.  We figured out that they were exploring the possibility of moving back in and wanted a good read on the community dynamics.

The rest of the story is that all of those interested parties are moving in this summer.  For fall,  our leadership team is complete, and we are already working together, discerning how we'll grocery shop, care for the place, hang out with our neighborhood friends more, and be an effective, authentic, transparent and caring team.  Tomorrow, we are working on our greenspace and doing deep clean together, followed by a potluck bbq.  We are having so much fun getting to know each other, knowing that we'll soon be sharing much of life together.

It makes me smile all over to think that these details were already being woven together while we were wondering where the people were going to come from.  I shake my head at the astounding evidence of God's care and provision for Flatlanders. 

When I pause to consider the origins of the concept that became our community, it is amazing that the funding, the energy, the practicalities, the construction and zoning, that ALL the many, many details came together.  Its impossible NOT to see faithfulness and provision, a nurturing and able hand getting right up close to all the details.  Would you believe that the seeds started in the idealistic minds of some young theology students from CMU?  That there was sufficient faith for those seeds to find water, soil, light - to blossom and bear fruit over and over again?  And in ways no one initially envisioned?

Praise the Lord, for the Lord is good; sing to his name for he is gracious.  For I know that the Lord is great; our Lord is above all gods.  Whatever the Lord pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps.  He it is who makes the clouds rise at the end of the earth; he makes lightnings for the rain and brings wind from his storehouses.- psalm 135

Thanks for reading about our exciting times.. can't wait to share the stories to come.  We are pretty sure we wont live in community forever, but we're sure glad for the chance to do it for now.

Here are some good words from some of our new friends moving into Flatlanders this summer;  (from an email sharing the decision with their friends and family)

"Our hope is to be more relatable, not less. As we learn God’s heart, we want to grow more alive, less dull, in this adventure. We seek greater perspective, learning and immersed, unsheltered from our world and one another. We want to experience real living. Not perfect living. Not safe living. But a rich, good life full of highs and lows, joy and sorrow, faith and uncertainty, as we share our family and learn the meaning of life with others. " (S & J)

 “Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing”.  - Helen Keller
 

decentered, humble learners

teachability is such an important trait, don't you think?

in counselling school, I'm learning about being 'de-centred' - not the expert, not the professional, but a skilled helper and listener who genuinely cares.

as a member of an intentional community, I'm learning about being a perpetual learner... not an experienced, has-all-the-answers person, but a curious, help-me-to-better understand person.

in life in general, I am seeing amazing examples of humility and sacrifice all around me.  I wanna be like that!

the end.

healthy people...

Counselling students can get awfully caught up in thinking about dysfuction and pathology.  Sometimes it feels like we're swimming in sick-ness - its all we read, write, talk about, especially when we have boatloads of papers to write and assignments to finish. (thats where I am right about now...)

So, its healthy to gain some perspective every once in a while.  Here are some thoughts about healthy human characteristics ... (straight from a biblical counselling textbook!)

• open and vulnerable approach to relationship, without need for defensiveness or self protection
• acceptance of pain and conflict as part of life and relationship - without withdrawing, spiritualizing
• ability to grasp the importance of timing and discretion with regard to conflict
• experience a marred, but real, joy - sadness because things are not as they should be, without expressing their disappointment as anger... 'groaning', but confident (see Romans 8:22)
• times of intimacy and awareness of God's touch and presence, anchored by long periods of 'quiet allegiance'
• not fearful of confusion, tolerance - even welcoming of uncertainty
• okay with struggling and failing
• know repentance, authentic repentance
• not controlled by emotional trouble (nor free of it)
• able to experience profound hurt or loneliness without repression or denial

"[these] are worthy of an image-bearer... I find myself hungering for this kind of life.  I want MORE than freedom from painful memories and repressed emotions.  I want MORE than understanding of how forces within my unconscious have been shaped ... I want community, community with God and others...."
            - paraphrased list above and this quote from Larry Crabb, Understanding People.

What do you think? Does this text resonate?

pausing ... a photo post

The last month or so has been pretty intense.  Not overwhelming kind of intense, but a really focused time, with a few projects on the go.  I actually enjoy seasons like this!  Nevertheless, this week is an intentional time of pause and reflection.  Here are a few photos of what we've been up to....

We hosted a team of local students on an innercity ministry exposure week. 

Here we are on day one ...

I sent the team on a prayer artifacts walk early in the week.

This is one of the artifacts... a piece of metal found nearby, both a reminder of

how scrap metal is a source of income for some people in our neighborhood, but also

a profound image of the 'incompleteness' that is common to all of us.

We visited with some neighbors in a nearby housing complex.

It was a spontaneous time, and ended up being a great afternoon where

we learned that 'unplanned' can lead to great opportunities. (and great photos!)

The whole week was an exercise in trusting for me, as my preference would be

to schedule and orchestrate in 8 minute blocks.. but I resisted my tendencies and it was great.

The theme of our week was 'Beauty in Unlikely Places - Seeing beyond the Stereotypes'

We were building towards a shared meal with new friends on Good Friday.  It was a success!  We served about 50 people and made some good connections.

The week ended with a Walk of the Cross.  Nate led us to several nearby locations where

neighbors and friends were remembered, and their stories told.  This was poignant not only because of

Passion Week, but also because we'd been reflecting as a team during the week about the importance of relationship because it honors people who are often stereotyped or judged in our society.

This is just me :)

It was taken at my sister Lisa's place, on a night when my three sisters and I got

together with our mom's sisters.  I wore this colorful scarf because it was my mom's.

I've carried it around with me all these years (along with a few other momentos...)

This year makes 20 years since she died.

One of my favorite faces at our drop in....

One of the big projects I worked on this month was an Adult Series in our church..

I facilitated discussion about Addiction as a Spiritual disorder...

I 'assigned' a creative response project for the Easter Sunday class.

This is my husbands painting

... a little interpretation? ... addiction blocks out the light of relationship, the beauty of life.  There is a 'boulder' in front of the Light.. but as it was on Easter Sunday, it can be rolled away to reveal a radically different and renewed Life.

he's deeper than he lets on, that sweet hubby of mine...!

and this was my creative response.  it comes mostly from a worship song I adore called

Stand on The Rock... I just wanted a visual reminder of what is fundamental for me in the midst of great insights and theories about human behavior...

Out on a walk by the Red River...

'mom, can i take this signpost home and put it in my room?'

 ... 'NO...!!'

'okay, then at least take my picture with it!'

wealth of stories

Narrative is a currency. Our society seems to be returning to a more narrative approach in theology, in conflict studies, in psychology, in churches ...  I find it fascinating and engaging.

Our family's lifestyle happens to make us filthy rich in the currency of narrative... (I'm so thankful that we're rich in something!! ....)  Stories abound in day to day life in our community.

Today, I had a chance to share some stories and to be reminded of how powerful and important they are...  here are a couple of gooders.

********************

During our street community drop in, a regular attender had recently experienced loss in her personal life.  I asked her about it, and I'll admit, I did ask a couple of questions in order to engage her.  She angrily turned to me and said :

'Why are you christians always asking QUESTIONS?  Can't you just leave all of us alone?  When I don't answer you its because I don't want to talk to you.  I'm tired of you bugging me, why don't you just get lost?!?'

As she said this, the whole room went quiet (or at least it felt like that to me!) and I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes.  I wanted to hide under a chair, or run upstairs to my pillow, or yell back.
I kept myself together though, and said (in a voice that was abnormally quiet for me!) that I wasn't trying to upset her, I just had been wondering how she was doing and had been praying for her.  I can't remember the details of our exchange after the yelling, but I distinctly recall sitting there for a few long minutes (they felt like hours)  not really knowing what to do. 

After a while, she turned to me and calmly started to talk about her grief.  And about what she was really angry at.  I talked a little about losses in my life.  We shared a special moment, and the connection was genuine. It was nice.

I wish I could say that in the months that have passed, we've become closer and spent happy hours talking together and drinking tea. 

but nope, that's not the way this story has gone .. at least so far.  I have a feeling that there are some profound lessons to come, though...

***************

My friend Andy told the story of John, a guy who was around Main Street a lot when Andy first became part of this community in the late '90s. 

John's reputation preceded him, and everyone around knew him as a fighter and a drunk - he had the distinction of being disliked by street people and store owners alike. 

He pushed a decorated shopping cart around, and in it was all that he possessed.  He often turned conversations into songs.  Andy started to get to know him, and after a while, and after hearing A LOT of stories, began to realize that there was some truth to his tales... or at least some of them.  Maybe John hadn't been really close friends with John Lennon, but he had done some touring with high profile rock bands. 
And he really had been a well known realtor in the city once upon a time, with lots of properties and wealth. 
Andy shared the story because he learned firsthand how easy it is to judge and assume.  And  how much we miss out on if all we notice is appearance.

Video link

Flatlanders has been doing an event called The Bean Gallery.  We weren't sure whether to call the events coffee houses or house concerts.  So we dubbed them 'coffee. house. concert.' events!

  They're super fun and we all get into the action.  Check out this awesome video one of our amazing interns put together from the last event....  Maybe you want to come on out for the next event on April 21st?
check out http://www.thebeangallery.blogspot.com/ for more info. 
Enjoy the video... its a gooder.

a day in the life...

Some of you may have never seen this little clip.. take a second and enjoy. Even though this was made a while back, it still describes daily life! Amanda is lovely young lady sharing about Flatlanders, and we know that we're still 'home' to her even if she isn't living in the building anymore!

Flat Fun

We have a lot of fun at Flatlanders!

...And since I'm too wordy and not picturey enough on this blog, here is a stab at correcting it ... by sharing our fun times with you... :)

an attempt at artsy photography last summer at the zoo...

Bernardin sisters and nieces -annual Tourtiere making - 2009

Bannock for communion meal with friends

.... hanging with friends from the neighboorhood

Bren is an artist - Painted on an old lead window salvaged from the undeveloped fourth floor of our building - it now hangs in the entrance on the third floor. The theme of his piece?

... ONE....

More salvaged materials and creativity! We now have a whole wall of artwork, made by friends and residents of Flatlanders!

How many 14 year olds do you know who have an indoor skatepark right in their building?! Owen is thankful.. or at least I pretend that he is.

Art show at the December 2009 Coffee House. Created by one of Flatlanders residents! (We are now the proud owners of the piece on the right. It hangs by the door to our dorm...)

Thanks for reading! I think I will try to do a fun Friday post every once in a while.. maybe every other week...

By the way, if you're inspired by the last picture, be sure to check out our HOUSE CONCERTS ... at Flatlanders every second month in 2010.. first one coming up on March 3.

Stay tuned! There will be more info in the coming weeks on FB and at www.winnipegcentrevineyard.com.

We will have all sorts of artists sharing their creativity with us -- musicians, photographers, poets, painters... Hope you'll check it out if you're in Winnipeg...