finding community

most times, when i mention community on this blog, I am referring to Flats, because my family lives 'in community' with lots of other people. (btw, Matt has been blogging about community lately, you should read his blog.  its more interesting than mine ...  and he wouldn't be caught dead using this font over there, either.)
but today I'm paying respect to another kind of community and location ... my school community.  I've studied at this great seminary in a little town about 7 hours from my home for the past 3 years. I come out here by car, plane, or bus, stay in a dorm or someone's guest room, and settle in for a week of classes.  Usually I have a couple of months post-class to complete and hand in the assignments and papers.  There's usually some intense reading and writing beforehand, too.  My program requires 25 classes + an internship.  Thankfully, I had a few under my belt before I started, and I've been able to do a few by distance.  I met with my advisor today and confirmed that I only have 6 left! (and a major project.....)  I personally think we should get at least 2 degrees for this amount of work; two of my friends in health care recently started their Masters programs and they only have 7 classes to do in order to get their degrees.  But I digress.... I wanted to talk about community, not whine about academic injustice.  (Have you ever noticed that I can find a way to label just about anything as injustice?)
I remember when I was accepted into this program, aside from the shock and overwhelming insecurity, I also knew how important it would be for me to feel connected and how hard it would be to feel isolated.  I worried about how on earth I could find any type of community when I'd only be on campus a handful of times/year. Somehow, though, connections did emerge and relationships did happen ... I have a pretty good routine of people and places to visit, classmates to coffee with, people to round up for a meal at Boston Pizza in Moose Jaw, friends to play games with.. its seems unbelievable that it happened and I always feel so thankful that it did. At the same time, I wonder what I was worried about.  As so often happens, things have a way of working themselves out and we usually needn't preoccupy ourselves with the worries we do.
I have met some tremendous people over my years at school, and each time I'm here I find myself marvelling at the kinds of people from all over North America (and further!) that I get to study with and learn alongside.  My life has been shaped not only by studies and profs, but also by fellow students - many of whom I have shared great dialogue, openness, encouragement, and challenges with.  It probably helps that I study with a bunch of soon-to-be counsellors, we reach out to each other pretty easily, and our class content and role-plays often mean that we get into each other's lives and stories quite a bit.
I'm in the homestretch (I'll only be here 5 more times, including graduation) - I can actually see a day when I will have my life back from the massive time and energy consumer called 'never ending school work'! But part of the reason I'm writing this post is because I want to remind myself to savor this last leg of the journey ... being a seminarian and a graduate student has definitely changed me and the course of my life and I'm really thankful for all the people and events that have been part of that journey.
(or maybe I actually wrote this post because I am harbouring a secret hope that one Thursday soon I will get to be seminarian of the week... ?!?!?)

the paths we take

How often I found where I should be going only by setting out for somewhere else.     B.Fuller

I recently asked a talented friend of mine if she'd consider doing a series of images (any media or canvas) for me to hang in my office. I'd been keeping a list of ideas on a very precious pink sticky note for the last year or so.  The ideas are relevant to both counselor and client; metaphors or symbols that might speak to anyone who happens to be sitting in that office. She enthusiastically agreed, even though I can only afford to pay her a pittance.  The first image was done last week.  

Apparently, as soon as she knew 'path' was one of the ideas, this whole painting sprung immediately into her mind. 

This week, I've been contemplating the path our life has taken over the past few years. Walking around in the peaceful, sleepy village of Caronport reminds me of our first year in another Saskatchewan town a few years ago. At first I couldn't put my finger on the sense of familiarity I kept noticing every time I was outside, but then I remembered that these feelings of safety, peace, and hope were with me in our first year in Hepburn.

Tonight I walked past the student housing on campus and chuckled when I remembered our tour here before we decided to move to Flatlanders.  Our kids didn't want to live in such a small house... They ended up living in a much, much smaller space!
   I remembered my son's face lighting up when he saw the bus the high school students travel around in for sports events ... I think he'd have done well here.               
        But our path took us back to Winnipeg, back to the North End we thought we'd left behind two years earlier. 

In class, I'm thinking about thesis and research, and being encouraged to narrow, ever narrow the topic.  It's so hard, because there are so many things I want to study, so many possibilities for future research and community work. I reflect on how much has changed since I sent in that tentative application for a Masters program, and wonder where this path is leading .... 

                                                              For who is God except the Lord?

      Who but our God is a solid rock?

 God is my strong fortress,

      and he makes my way perfect.

 He makes me as surefooted as a deer,

      enabling me to stand on mountain heights.

 He trains my hands for battle;

      he strengthens my arm to draw a bronze bow.

 You have made a wide path for my feet

      to keep them from slipping.

2 Sam 22, NLT

mini workout

Originally found here

I found this image on pinterest a while back, along with some others like it, and they've inspired me.  Today was the perfect opportunity to experiment.  I've been hiding away in a dorm room for 38 hours, working on finishing up assignments and reading for my class this week. 

Yesterday, I managed to take a couple of walks to clear my head.  But today, I didn't even get dressed.  (yes, I am still in my pj's at 9pm!)  There were a couple of times when the words on the page or screen started to swim around before my eyes, I needed to change the pace at least a little. Enter this little mini workout!  It takes about 10 minutes.  Clears your head, restores your energy, and keeps the blahs away.

 I'm going to keep trying to do it at least twice per day while I'm at school (this coming week). Anyone gonna try it with me? Aldra, I've read your blog - I'm looking at you.  Comment below if you wanna give it a go, let me know what you think. 

PS: I have another goal - REAL pushups.  I have always done the modified ones (also called 'girl' pushups). Anyone want to join me on that challenge too?

glimpses

 There hasn't been a photo post on here in a bit, and I've been using my new phone to take a few pictures.  I've spent the week in Caronport, learning about Adult Development, writing like a mad person, missing my family and Flats, visiting with an old friend... you'll see :)

Sweet Sydney.  This actually wasn't this week.  I just miss her !

The night before I left for school was the Masterworks recital.  I was a proud mama! (Yes, Ember, - I cried!)

This image turned up in my inbox this week, and I've spent quite a while looking at it.  It's called GRIEF and the artist is Matthew Whitney of Seattle.

Monday was the birthday of a school friend, so we celebrated!

Spent a lovely day in Moose Jaw with one of my favorite people in the universe.
You know those friends who are there no matter what - whose love you trust and who  just don't judge you, ever?
What would life be like without friends like this?!

An artsy shot in Downtown Moose Jaw.  I like to pretend I have a good eye for things every once in a while 

I thought I might be able to have a private conversation with some lilacs, but I was caught on film

and this is what the rest of the night holds... a very serious date with my assignments!

the spin cycle

When I started seminary, I was a little pie-eyed, a lot excited, and pretty naive about the whole process.  (I thought I knew what I was getting into...) Adding studies and changing careers to an already full life is not the hiccup I thought it would be.

Since I started my internship in March, life has been on 'spin cycle' - you know when you can see the colors flying by in the washing machine, but you have no idea if that streak of red is a sweater or a towel because everything is moving so fast?!?!?!

So, I've made some decisions --- first, the cap gown are going to have to wait one more year.  My plan to finish next spring is foolish!  I am putting the grad thing off for one more year, until 2013. (the same year as my son's high school grad!)

second, sometime in the next few months I will reduce my internship office hours somewhat.  Flats is still priority one for us, and that hasn't been reflected by my actual time in the building lately.  Not that its a duty - the community is a joyful place and being in it is usually pretty refreshing!

just deciding these two things has been freeing!  I spent some quiet time with my coffee and the reflections of an old friend this morning, and I realized how much I've been craving peace.

things are coming back into focus, after a little too much spinning....

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous.  Our God is merciful.  

He protects the simple (and the spinning), ...

 RETURN O MY SOUL TO YOUR REST. 

psalm 116:5-7

Have you ever undertaken something thinking you understood it clearly, only to find out you'd really had no real clue of what you were getting yourself into?

That's my space as I learn more about becoming a counselor this week.  I feel like a pretzel - twisted this way and that, turned inside out, and then prodded a little bit more just for some extra fun.  It turns out that its me who is doing much of the examining and prodding, which feels even harder than if someone else were doing it.

The books we read make the practice of counseling seem straightforward and simple.  In theory, I can do this.  It seems easy!  But the act of sitting with someone, even myself, in suffering and pain, sends me running, wanting to fix and cure, to apply the right method, to bring comfort at all costs.

As an exercise, we've been encouraged to pay attention to our inner dialogue, to reflect on what is happening within that causes us to act or react in certain ways.  I have been doing that for several days now, and I don't know if my emotions have ever been so tired.  I feel spent.  A game of Twister might be a refreshing diversion right about now!

Are we willing to scrap the illusion of being experts who, if we can find and wield the proper methods, have the power to cure our clients and fix their maladies? - J. Olthuis, The Beautiful Risk 

God created a reminder, an image.  Humanity is a reminder of God.  As God is compassionate, let humanity be compassionate. - Rabbi A.J. Heschel

study break

here I sit, in the Briercrest library, long into the evening, STUDYING.  I took the photo above for proof, those are the actual books in my carol.  If I lived in Caronport, I could rent a carol and make it my own, with personal trinkets and pictures.. but I live at Flatlanders and did that to the whole office instead.  Anyway, I digress.  Here is the quote I wanted to share.. I am reading Thomas Aquinas' commentary on Ephesians.  He is a cool guy, that Thomas.  (Or the little I know about him so far...)

Listen to this description of him...written by Matthew Lamb...

'Saint Thomas Aquinas is a paradox... a mystic and a rigorously scientific theologian.  His commitment to Judaeo-Christianity was enough for him to appreciate and appropriate pagan truths.  An Aristotelian, he never ceased utilizing Platonic insights.  In him, a deep reverence for the Church Fathers was coupled with an astonishing zest for novelty"

.... He was neither or both on lots of topics.... he defies categorization.  Was he postmodern before we knew that it was called that?! Or maybe he was 'emerging/emergent/energetic' or whatever.  But probably not, seeing as he was born in the 1200's, a little old for that label, I guess.

Here is the part I would have highlighted and underlined if this wasn't a library book...

"(St. Thomas did not advocate Sola Scriptura) - he could not abstract the Book from its living environment within ecclesial tradition.  The generations of Christians stretching from Apostolic times down to their own were not viewed by the medieval mind as seperating them from the integral Christian message but far more as uniting them to it.  The Church Fathers were incomparable guides in this positive task of assimilating Christ and His meaning.  They could never be rejected in and authentically Christian hermeneutic." (emphasis mine)

huh.  good thoughts about the casserole called "orthodoxy AND orthopraxy", I think. 

I read this quote and then glanced over at this text from my stack of books ...

now, I know I'm not supposed to judge a book by its cover...

... and I admit that i haven't cracked it open yet... but I do admit that this is quite disturbing imagery of Scripture.  I wonder if anyone would have ever imagined Sola Scriptura would end up pictured like this?!

10 commandments for theology students

i found this today, posted on the blog of one of my profs at Briercrest Seminary. A very good read, kinda funny, and not just for those of us who call ourselves students...

My favorite? #6.. it addresses my growing confusion about people who think they 'own' god, and are the sole means of representing Him or defending Him on this earth.... and in so doing pervert and misrepresent the gospel and the person of Christ.

The one I'm most guilty of... well, all of them to some degree... but #10. If i go to a new friend's house, my gaze settles on their bookshelf and i cannot focus on polite conversation until I've thoroughly checked the books out. Our friendship with some folks in Hepburn developed because I found some intriguing books on their bookshelf and had to know more about our friend's interests and thinking...(yes, thats you, Wayne! - and yes, you are a theology student!)

***********************************
Having spent some 16 years now teaching theology at Briercrest College and Seminary, I offer the following “10 Commandments for Theological Students.” You might think of this as following in the spirit of the classic little book by Helmut Thielicke [pronounced "Tee'-lik-a"] entitled, A Little Exercise for Young Theologians.

1) You shall have no other god before God. I cannot bring myself to alter the substance of this first commandment. As Karl Barth put it in a famous article in 1933, the first commandment is in fact the first axiom of all theology. In other words, theological students must never forget that God is the central object of our study in theology. As important as Scripture, tradition, history, and ancient texts are, in the end, theological study that forgets that theology is about God has already lost its way. In short, the first commandment for theological study is to remember that God is a Subject who freely gives himself in Jesus Christ as an object of our study and reflection, but that a proper response must be finally one of worship–worship before the Incomprehensible, Immeasureable Holy One who cannot be captured in our words, sentences, and theological papers, and yet who condescends to be known by sinning humans. We dare not forget this most important of all axioms: The focus of study for theological students is–God. Yes, theological students will face the demands of long hours of poring over the biblical text, memorizing Greek conjugations, deciphering the difference between enhypostasis and anhypostasis, and learning how to do exegesis, homiletics, and administration. But a faithful theological student should never forget that all of this is for naught if theology is not ultimately concerned about–God.

2) You shall not create a theological idol. Anyone who engages in formal theological study for any amount of time realizes that one’s preferences for some authors, scholars, theologians, or exegetes tend to narrow significantly over time. This is, at least in part, the practical reality of the theological disciplines: No one can master or read the work of everyone even within a narrow sub-discipline. Consequently, we tend to have our favorites. Now, if you simply don’t know me all that well, you probably won’t know that my favourite theologian is Karl Barth. Yours might be N.T. Wright or John Calvin or Augustine or Walter Brueggeman. The point is, beware of allowing that favourite to become a theological “pin up”–an idol, to use the biblical parlance.
True, I have no problem confessing my great admiration for the work of Karl Barth, and I read him more than any other theologian. But I also have learned that the best way to avoid idolizing a theologian is to read the opponents as well. For all my disagreements with Brunner, for example, I think that at several crucial points he had things more clearly thought out than Barth. And that helps me to remember that for all his genius, Karl Barth, too, was a sinner and was, like us all, prone to error.
But most importantly, see commandment #1 above: theological study must finally be about God, not about Barth or NT Wright, or John Zizioulos, however thankful I am for these faithful scholars. Unfortunately, it is the case that sometimes theological students become “experts” on theologians and scholars and consequently miss the main point of all theological study: to know God and his benefits, and to proclaim him to others, like us, in need of his grace.

3) You shall not take the name of other sub-disciplines in vain. It is almost inevitable that theological students will eventually assume that their chosen sub-discipline (whether systematic theology, historical theology, biblical exegesis, pastoral theology, church history, ethics, liturgics, or some other sub-discipline) is in some way superior to all others. At such points, it can be easy for theological students to become contemptuous toward students in other disciplines; but this should not be so. For in the end, the compendium of theological disciplines is analogous to the Body of Christ: Every member ultimately needs the other, even if we might secretly think that some parts are more honorable than others. Theologians need exegetes, and exegetes need historians, and historians need ethicists, and ethicists need homileticians. Rather than peering/sneering down our noses at those in other disciplines and scorning their work, I would encourage you to learn to discipline yourself to read at least one book in a discipline not your own for every ten that you read in your own. You might be surprised that those in other disciplines have something to teach you!

4) Remember to put to rest–temporarily–your critical theological skills while worshipping. Since the object of inquiry in theological study is ultimately none other than God himself (see Commandment #1), theological students must learn the discipline of worshipping God while temporarily suspending their newly emerging theological critical skills. This is especially important when the sermon is being delivered Sunday morning. Though you might see all your pastor’s exegetical fallacies, call into question his intertextual references, and be puzzled by the lack of good homiletical structure in his sermon, you must learn temporarily to put to rest your critical acuities, and try to remember that like everyone else gathed together in the Lord’s House on the Lord’s Day, the Person on display is God in Jesus Christ, not the pastor or the worship leader or the Sunday school teacher. You have, after all, come to worship God and to hear from him, not to assign a grade or write a critical review. Of course, your training will inevitably train you to see theological problems. That is a good thing. But remember that God has appointed pastors and teachers to have spiritual charge over us, and theological discipline includes the ability to learn from even imperfect preachers. Because after all, you may well be one of those imperfect pastors and teachers yourself someday as well.
Oh, and while I’m at it: Remember the exhortation from Hebrews 10:25: “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” For some reason, theological students can be easily deceived into thinking, “I study Scripture and think about God all week long. I don’t need to be involved in a local body of believers on Sunday as well.” This is simply wrong, and I encourage you to resist the temptation to be a “Bedside Baptist” during the course of your theological study. If anything, regular involvement in a local church keeps our feet grounded in the community where the theologically educated are most needed. If there is a suspicion amongst the rank and file church goers of our day about formal theological education, it may in part be because of how often theological students account for so many of the empty spots in the pews on Sunday morning. The logic may be flawed, but it is hard to avoid the connection that so often, theological students are the least likely to be in Church, so therefore, theological education must be bad. Don’t contribute to that flawed logic. Be in Church next Sunday!

5) Honour your theological fathers and mothers. At one level, theological students simply need to learn to respect and honour the wisdom of their professors, even at times when it sounds like they might seem to be completely off-base and, indeed, theologically suspect in comparison with one’s pastor or mentor back home or favourite theological author. Don’t get me wrong here: I’m not saying that theological professors are perfect–by no means. I know too many of them myself, and I happen to see one in the mirror every morning when I shave! But beyond honouring your teachers (they, after all, have typically committed something like 8 or 12 years after high school of study to prepare for their role) be sure also to honour your theological fathers and mothers back home as well. It can be an awful show of disrespect, after a year or two of theological education, to begin to look down one’s nose at those pastors and elders back home who may not have had the same privileges you have had, and to begin to judge them harshly for their lack of theological and biblical sophistication. In such cases, never forget that it these same “simple” pastors and teachers and elders and parents back home who are truly your spiritual fathers and mothers. It is far too easy to become a theological critic; it is far more difficult (and, to be sure, the sign of theological maturity) to be able to appreciate and still learn from those from whom you may have already passed in theological sophistication!

6) You shall not verbally, intellectually, or rhetorically murder your theological opponent. For the most part, theological students seem to manage to avoid physically killing one another in the heat of a theological debate. (Although in the history of Christianity, there have been some exceptions!) But my experience tells me that almost all of us (including me) will not hesitate to pull out all the stops in the heat of a theological argument. We will use every resource at hand to squash (”metaphorically murder”) our opponents. It is during those intense moments of theological debate (which, by the way, I happen to think can be very healthy) that we needconstantly to check ourselves to make sure that it is the truth that we are after, and not simply the desire to win the argument at all costs. To paraphrase the Apostle, “If I decimate my theological opponent in the pursuit of truth, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging symbol.” (Cf. 1 Cor 13:1) Unfortunately, in 17 years of providin theological education, I have more than once seen Christian fellowship broken over what really amounted to either a trivial, or unwinnable theological argument. This isn’t to commend avoiding theological arguments at all costs: Indeed, we probably need more theological debate these days than less! But always remember that ultimately, the goal of a theological argument should be more often irenical than polemical: It is for the building up of the Body, not the utter destruction of our theological detractors.

7) Do your utmost to stay out of bed with the “spirit of the age.” In 1 Tim 4:1, Paul warns, “the Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons.” This is one of those commandments that is of uttermost importance to heed, but so easy to fall into breaking. Just as we live in an age where we are bombarded daily in the media with images and suggestions to follow our base sexual desires, so, too, theological students enter a realm where daily (or at least more often than the average layperson) there is a temptation to chase after the latest theological, philosophical, or cultural fads–all in the name of being “theologically relevant” or “up to date” or “theologically sophisticated.” Of course, it is not always easy to sort out which ideas are truly “things taught by demons” from “the truth of the Spirit.” Subtlety is, of course, one of Satan’s own tools of deception. Most of us are not caught off guard by the obviously false things, but all of us are, from time to time, tempted to get into bed with the spirit of the age, and to commit theological adultery.
So how do we avoid this falling into this temptation? Well, at one level, this is what theological education is all about–learning to discern truth from error, and to use Scripture properly to make those judgments. But in the end, keeping commandment #6 means, at least in part, learning whom we can trust, and that means listening to the wisdom of teachers whom you know have demonstrated a consistent walk with the Lord, and from whom you can also learn. Oh, and pray a lot, too! As the ancients used to say, “Lex orandi, lex credendi” [The Law of Prayer is the Law of Belief].

8 ) You shall not steal time from others which is rightfully theirs. You might have thought that the eighth commandment for the theological student might be a good place to mention something about plagiarism. As all students quickly learn, it is an academic sin, whether in Christian or secular settings, to steal ideas from others and to call them your own. That’s a good thing to remember. So don’t plagiarize!
But I think that far too often, theological students can easily end up stealing something other than just others’ ideas. What? Their time. Speaking from personal and painful experience, I did two theological degrees while married, and I can without any pride at all confess that sometimes, my theological work simply was an excuse to steal time from my wife–time that really was rightfully hers, but which I justified as being not as important as time spend studying theology. Fortunately, I have an awesome and forgiving wife who has taught me much (though I am still learning) about what it really means to give of one’s time for someone else. Practically, this means that even though you are doing something really, really important (I can’t think of many more things more important in life than to set aside a portion of one’s life in focused study of Scripture and of the knowledge of God), being a theological student does not give you license to steal time from your spouse or family. If you are married, it is better to end up as a “B” student with a strong marriage, than an “A” student and divorced. In short, be prepared to resist the temptation at times to steal time from your loved ones, even though the studies you are engaged in are all about God. Here I think of Malachi’s lament:
Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. (Mal. 2:13-14)
We may think we are pleasuring God with our wonderful theological papers and argument, and I want to affirm that indeed, God is pleased with such offerings when offered in faith. But such offerings can quickly become a stench in God’s nostrils when we break faith with our spouses in order to produce them. It is then that, fearfully, the Lord will act as a witness against us. Lord, help us!

9) You shall not misrepresent your opponent’s theological position. We all have theological opponents, and we seem to get more of them the more we engage in theological study. But theological students must learn the very difficult discipline of speaking and writing truthfully of the position of those with whom we disagree. The problem is that the opponents we most want to debunk are likely guilty of breaking this commandment themselves. The reason we are so adamantly opposed to them is because they have misrepresented us, or our favourite theologians or authors, in some way. So the temptation is to fight fire with fire. Rather than carefully showing where our opponents are indeed right on some accounts, and wrong in others, we have a built-in carnal desire to present their work as something reprehensible and utterly false. Philosopher’s call this “constructing a straw man.” Biblically, it simply is called “lying” or “bearing false witness.” While theoretically, it may in fact be possible that there are utter liars and heretics writing and teaching out there, those aren’t usually the one’s that concern us the most. Indeed, it is the ones who have elements of truth in what they are saying that we can be the most tempted to label and libel. On the contrary, the sign of theological maturity is the ability to concede and acknowledge the truth of parts of our opponents’ arguments, even while patiently recounting why the other parts of their argument are faulty. Unfortunately, such an approach takes great patience, lots of time, and a great deal of Spirit-enabled love–something that most of us are in all too short supply.

10) You shall not covet someone else’s library. I may be speaking only from personal experience here, but I suspect that a common temptation, especially among theological students, is to surpass your neighbor’s library, either in quantity (”I have more commentaries on John’s Gospel than George”) or at least in quality (”Henry may have a lot of books, but most of it is fluff! I only buy books of enduringvalue”). This isn’t to say that you ought not to buy books. In fact, I have a hard time understanding how some students (and even pastors) are proud of the fact that they have so few books! Books are, after all, the tools of the trade for those seeking to be engaged in the ministry of the Word. But those same necessary tools can so easily become a snare and a trap. We see our neighbor’s library shelf, or the latest theology text, or yet another book on Barth (guilty!) and we think we need to have it. Let’s face it, folks: This is the sin of coveteousness more often than we may care to admit.
So what am I commending here? I’m not saying stop buying books, but I am saying, get in the habit of counting to at least 10 (or 20 or 30!) before plunking down the cash for yet another book. I speak here of one who is guilty of having many too many books on my shelf that I have not yet read! Or better yet, see if you can borrow the book from a library instead of buying it. If after reading it you still think you need it, fine–go ahead and buy it if you can. But don’t get trapped into buying books for the sake of buying books. Take this from one who has been learning this lesson the hard way over the past years!

[Permission is granted to repost this text is granted, provided it is included in its entirety and proper attribution is given. D. Guretzki, 2009]

an inexperienced attempt at combining therapy and theology

The counselling program that I'm in has an emphasis on 'the family system'; which means that it takes an approach to therapy that views the individual as someone who is part of a more complex system. The approach assumes relationship is at the heart of who we are, and starts there. (in a couple of years I'll be able to articulate this much more clearly!)

This model makes sense. So, the family is a 'system'. We don't become who we are in isolation.


Class this week discussed what happens when a wrench - addiction - is thrown into the system. Research has shown that the whole thing responds in some predictable ways. (never black and white, never absolute, but still a valid presumption)

As the 'system' responds, it has some common goals:

1. coping.


2. normalizing, finding a stability.


3. maintaining the stability.

Everyone plays a part in working towards these goals. Everyone knows they have a role to play and inherently understands the goals. This is the fascinating part; we respond with gusto and creativity to 'remedy' or 'address' the situation. We don't talk about it (a given) - we just do it.

Here's where I had a bit of an aha! moment today. As we -the system - attempt to make the best of it, to 'deal', we're revealing our resemblance to our Creator, whose image we bear. We're taking something broken and doing what we can to respond to it. Our motives reveal the longing for wholeness that was poured in to each of us by our creator - its part of the basic recipe. Unfortunately, our best efforts can only result in an illusion of stability, health. But what we're doing in our humble little attempt is a mirror of what God is doing with any part of the situation he's been genuinely welcomed into.

Our attempts to deal, to cope, to stabilize - they in fact keep the whole thing broken. They keep the cycle alive and feed it so that it continues to grow worse and worse. Unfortunately, addiction doesn't tend to stabilize - its nature is to worsen. I don't think there is such a thing as a stable (active) addiction.

When God's creativity and gusto are genuinely invited in, its entirely different. He can redeem. There are no illusions - it is through Him that the circumstance - or parts of it- can TRULY become more whole, can reveal beauty. Can bear fruit, even.

I don't feel as though I'm doing any justice to this idea, but as I was sitting in class today, it just dawned on me how closely what we try to do mirrors what God really can do with our circumstances. (I'm sure this idea applies to a lot more than families and addiction, too!!) This post is less about addiction theory and more about redemption. I'm not an expert in either of those areas ... but this seemed worth sharing. I'm invested in the idea of hope as it relates to addiction for lots of reasons. Mostly, though, I just love learning new things about how creatively God works, how near he is, and how unwavering is his commitment to us.

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Some lyrics came to mind as I was chewing on this idea...from Made to Worship (Tomlin)

When You and I embrace surrender

When You and I choose to believe

Then You and I will see who we were meant to be

He has filled our hearts with wonder

So that we always remember

You and I were made to worship

You and I are called to love

Noticing

I must admit that I've spent most of my life being an un-noticer. Sort of oblivious; preoccupied. If it was necessary, I would take note, but only of the relevant parts. Just the straight goods, and don't waste my time with the rest. Nope, no inefficiency here.

It has been a discipline of the last year or so to pay better attention, to notice more. I've been 'strengthening my inferior functions.' (based on the advice of my MBTI coach.. Andrew.. do you even read this blog?!)

This week, while at Caronport, I've taken a couple of long walks. my journey of noticing has been paying off.. I was noticing so much!

the sun's warmth. nature sounds. water dropping.

kids laughing in the distance.

thoughts... how difficult it is for me to 'sit with' things, how uncertainty diminishes peace.

space.. around me. in my life. beloved prairies.

revelations. awareness.

a bird taunting a cat. over and over, swooping down each time the cat loses interest.

the breeze.

The trans-canada highway bustling by this quiet, serene little hamlet.. travellers from all over going somewhere important.

spring buds. color.

contrast.

Addiction?

“I am not being flippant when I say that all of us suffer from addiction. Nor am I reducing the meaning of addiction. I mean in all truth that the psychological, neurological, and spiritual dynamics of full-fledged addiction are actively at work within every human being. The same processes that are responsible for addiction to alcohol and narcotics are also responsible for addiction to ideas, work, relationships, power, moods, fantasies, and an endless variety of other things. We are all addicts in every sense of the word.”

This quote comes from a book I'm reading called Addiction and Grace, written by Gerald May. By Sunday night, I have to write a reflection on those words.. in preparation for Monday's mod. week. I'm on the way to being done already ... but I'm still very interested in the response this quote elicits in you folks reading. What do you think? Is this a narrow understanding of addiction? Or an accurate picture of humanity? Or perhaps just our society? I've asked a few of you in conversation and the response I've already heard is intriguing enough to make me curious to hear more of your thoughts.

Be Reconciled

The Statue of Reconciliation - Coventry Cathedral

.. Christ’s love controls us.Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.
So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.

from 2 Corinthians 5

Last week, on Thursday, I attended my first seminary chapel. The text above provided our topic - Reconciliation. It was a memorable message.

The speaker was passionate about the gospel being a gospel of reconciliation. First between people and God, and then between individuals. He had an emphatic way of speaking; every few sentences punctuated with a reminder to BE RECONCILED!

I'll try to summarize some of his thoughts here, although of course my 'interpretation' is factored in. I heard this message as we all hear things - with most of my 'hearing' filtered as a result of things I've learned, my experiences, what I believe, value.... isn't that always how we all interpret? Each person's lens is unique, and it affects how and what we hear - whether in face to face conversation, hearing a message in chapel, or reading scripture. There is not only one way to understand most things, for example, I'm thankful that David's prayers were recorded all those years ago to comfort and encourage us today... I'm so glad those recorded intimacies have gone on to bear fruit and sow seeds of faith over and over and over.

It is also true that we need to not only internalize, but also externalize. Anytime I share my understanding of a thing with others, I learn more and the result is an 'enhanced' version of what I had concluded on my own. (See how I can work my value of community into everything?!) We need each other!

Anyway, back to the message of reconciliation. The speaker started off by referring to the God we worship - the God of reconciliation. The One who initiated reconciliation. The One who had a plan from the very beginning to facilitate a reconciled people - to Himself and amongst themselves. That sunk deep into my heart as I contemplated it. Reconciliation is not only possible - its happening - everywhere. Are you working towards it or against it? Opportunities for reconciliation are everywhere, daily... they have been woven by the Spirit into the fabric of our relationships, our days, our rhythms, our churches. He said that the reconciliation message was TRUE, even though its not always APPARENT. (That fits much some of what I've seen - how about you?)

After spending some time talking about the gospel of reconciliation as it pertains to individuals, he broadened it and spoke about the message of reconciliation as it relates to the community. (Again, the emphatic statement; BE RECONCILED!) He shared some struggles with lack of reconciliation and how the body suffers as much as the individual when this is the reality. For me sitting there, the sense of the importance of reconciliation grew as I listened... then another emphatic statement from our charismatic speaker; WAKE UP CHURCH! I was jarred by this. Have I been asleep in the light? Have we been asleep in the light?

He closed by saying that perhaps we don't really know how to live as reconciled people. We aren't really committed to embracing it - how can we be ambassadors for it? And how can that honor the God of Reconciliation?

Here is the hope he offered: the more we are reconciled, the more we practice reconciliation, the greater will be our burden and desire for reconciliation in all the places we go. The evidence and practice of reconciliation will be greater and deeper in our communities. Be assured that the Lord of Reconciliation will put to good use those who 'get' this. (Sadly, the reverse is true, too - the more we resist reconciliation, the more we will continue to resist it.)

The thing that is most prevalent in my mind as I write this is the debate I've heard whispers of in the larger church - emerging thoughts/concepts vs. maintaining traditional expressions. My prayer is that we would all appreciate the beauty and diversity of other expressions of faith, realizing that one creative God made all of us, and He clearly loves diversity! Shouldn't we?

I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters,by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose. For some members of Chloe’s household have told me about your quarrels, my dear brothers and sisters. Some of you are saying, “I am a follower of Paul.” Others are saying, “I follow Apollos,” or “I follow Peter,” or “I follow only Christ.”
Has Christ been divided into factions? Was I, Paul, crucified for you? Were any of you baptized in the name of Paul? Of course not!

From 1 Corinthians 1