Have you ever undertaken something thinking you understood it clearly, only to find out you'd really had no real clue of what you were getting yourself into?

That's my space as I learn more about becoming a counselor this week.  I feel like a pretzel - twisted this way and that, turned inside out, and then prodded a little bit more just for some extra fun.  It turns out that its me who is doing much of the examining and prodding, which feels even harder than if someone else were doing it.

The books we read make the practice of counseling seem straightforward and simple.  In theory, I can do this.  It seems easy!  But the act of sitting with someone, even myself, in suffering and pain, sends me running, wanting to fix and cure, to apply the right method, to bring comfort at all costs.

As an exercise, we've been encouraged to pay attention to our inner dialogue, to reflect on what is happening within that causes us to act or react in certain ways.  I have been doing that for several days now, and I don't know if my emotions have ever been so tired.  I feel spent.  A game of Twister might be a refreshing diversion right about now!

Are we willing to scrap the illusion of being experts who, if we can find and wield the proper methods, have the power to cure our clients and fix their maladies? - J. Olthuis, The Beautiful Risk 

God created a reminder, an image.  Humanity is a reminder of God.  As God is compassionate, let humanity be compassionate. - Rabbi A.J. Heschel