Showing posts with label studying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label studying. Show all posts

Sunday, May 22, 2011

the spin cycle

When I started seminary, I was a little pie-eyed, a lot excited, and pretty naive about the whole process.  (I thought I knew what I was getting into...) Adding studies and changing careers to an already full life is not the hiccup I thought it would be.

Since I started my internship in March, life has been on 'spin cycle' - you know when you can see the colors flying by in the washing machine, but you have no idea if that streak of red is a sweater or a towel because everything is moving so fast?!?!?!

So, I've made some decisions --- first, the cap gown are going to have to wait one more year.  My plan to finish next spring is foolish!  I am putting the grad thing off for one more year, until 2013. (the same year as my son's high school grad!)

second, sometime in the next few months I will reduce my internship office hours somewhat.  Flats is still priority one for us, and that hasn't been reflected by my actual time in the building lately.  Not that its a duty - the community is a joyful place and being in it is usually pretty refreshing!

just deciding these two things has been freeing!  I spent some quiet time with my coffee and the reflections of an old friend this morning, and I realized how much I've been craving peace.

things are coming back into focus, after a little too much spinning....

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous.  Our God is merciful.  
He protects the simple (and the spinning), ...
 RETURN O MY SOUL TO YOUR REST. 
psalm 116:5-7

Saturday, April 16, 2011

the centrality of risk

today was a reading and studying day.  The class I am slaving (joyfully!) on at the moment is about the Pentateuch - the first five books of the Old Testament.

Writing a little helps me wrap my mind around at least some of what I've read.  I've gone through hundreds of pages!  I was struck by Abraham today.

Since I took my first in depth bible study course many years ago (the inductive method), I have had Genesis 15:6 memorized... Abrahams faith was reckoned to him as righteousness.  It was because of Abraham's believing that all the things that transpired throughout the rest of the story were able to transpire... my class notes (written by Eric Ortlund, a fine Briercrest prof) say that "... all creation will enjoy none of what Yahweh promises unless Abram is willing to engage in an act of pure faith; ... to leave without knowing anything about where, or to what, he is going.... "

somehow,  Abraham teaches us that active belief = righteousness.  And, as we see over and over in Abraham's story, the belief isn't a perfect one.  There are lies and human twisting of the promise, deceits that attempt to manipulate outcomes, even manipulate God.  Yet,  an imperfect, but risk taking faith is the intersection where so much rests.  Belief - not behavior - is the foundation of our relationship with God.

Is that as important - or as comforting - a reminder for you all as it is for me?  Of course, behaviour and obedience matter - but the starting point of belief first is crucial; it determines how what follows will unfold.

I hear echoes of Abrahams risk taking story in the actions of the first disciples who respond positively to Jesus' call to 'come, follow me'.  They drop everything and follow a man who is more like a lunatic than a messiah ... and they keep following.  Their following is marred; they stumble lots.  But they are a righteous in spite of their failings, because of their believing.  (and because of God's mercy)

We are called on to sacrifice our comforts, our privileges, our ideas, our security - like Abraham did, like the disciples did. (and like many, many others)  This is righteousness, misguided as it usually is!  Even though we can't know fully what we're getting ourselves into, its that believing - initially and consistently -  that paves the way for everything that follows.  Paired with the lovingkindness (i like finding ways to use that word!) of God, its an amazing force of goodness and grace in the world.

This post reminds me of a woman I am missing today... our internship program ended this past week, and one of our interns returned home to Southern Ontario.  Today is the first day without the familiar swish-swish of her slippers down our halls.... I've shed a mixture of sad and happy tears.  (sadness that she's not with us, happiness that there are so many wonderful things ahead of her!)

This lovely young lady demonstrated some incredible risk taking by coming to live in our neighborhood when her previous experience was so different from anything like this.  She took my advice to 'act like you belong here, because you do!' very seriously for 8 months.  She took relational risks, safety risks, comfort risks, and CREATIVE risks.  She modeled some really important qualities of discipleship, and she did it with grace, courage, and beauty.  She came to a strange place where she knew next to no one in order to completely give herself to learning and serving. Her final reflections grew from a risk-taker's heart, and they revealed deepened self understanding, and a greater awareness of God's presence.

Where are you at with risk taking these days?

Monday, March 8, 2010

study break



here I sit, in the Briercrest library, long into the evening, STUDYING.  I took the photo above for proof, those are the actual books in my carol.  If I lived in Caronport, I could rent a carol and make it my own, with personal trinkets and pictures.. but I live at Flatlanders and did that to the whole office instead.  Anyway, I digress.  Here is the quote I wanted to share.. I am reading Thomas Aquinas' commentary on Ephesians.  He is a cool guy, that Thomas.  (Or the little I know about him so far...)
Listen to this description of him...written by Matthew Lamb...

'Saint Thomas Aquinas is a paradox... a mystic and a rigorously scientific theologian.  His commitment to Judaeo-Christianity was enough for him to appreciate and appropriate pagan truths.  An Aristotelian, he never ceased utilizing Platonic insights.  In him, a deep reverence for the Church Fathers was coupled with an astonishing zest for novelty"

.... He was neither or both on lots of topics.... he defies categorization.  Was he postmodern before we knew that it was called that?! Or maybe he was 'emerging/emergent/energetic' or whatever.  But probably not, seeing as he was born in the 1200's, a little old for that label, I guess.

Here is the part I would have highlighted and underlined if this wasn't a library book...

"(St. Thomas did not advocate Sola Scriptura) - he could not abstract the Book from its living environment within ecclesial tradition.  The generations of Christians stretching from Apostolic times down to their own were not viewed by the medieval mind as seperating them from the integral Christian message but far more as uniting them to it.  The Church Fathers were incomparable guides in this positive task of assimilating Christ and His meaning.  They could never be rejected in and authentically Christian hermeneutic." (emphasis mine)


huh.  good thoughts about the casserole called "orthodoxy AND orthopraxy", I think. 

I read this quote and then glanced over at this text from my stack of books ...
now, I know I'm not supposed to judge a book by its cover...



... and I admit that i haven't cracked it open yet... but I do admit that this is quite disturbing imagery of Scripture.  I wonder if anyone would have ever imagined Sola Scriptura would end up pictured like this?!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

the narrow way...

I am working on an Exegesis of the second half of Ephesians 5.  It's fun, and I really enjoy being intimately connected to a passage for a while so that the meaning can sink in and you can hold it up to the light of daily life, other reading, other scripture.  It gets under your skin. .... I think this must be what its like to be a pastor getting ready for a Sunday sermon.  I like it!

the passage itself is a challenging one, having been misinterpreted and misquoted and misunderstood a lot.  Its the one about wives and husbands and submission and love.  It's about a lot more, but that's the basic premise. 

Anyway, I got to thinking about another passage that is often misrepresented - the one about the narrow gate leading to life and the broad road leading to destruction. (Matthew 7:13-14)  Lots of times, people confuse this verse as having something to do with heaven and hell.  It's actually part of the Sermon on the Mount, and its about how we live here on earth - its about belonging to the kingdom of the real king, and not being fooled by other kings/kingdoms.


I internalized the narrow gate verses this way...        'there are at least 894,150 ways to miss the point.  We will exercise all of them, because they look easy and painless. But it'll be painful and costly. Those few who truly get it will have a different kind of experience (not an easier one) -  but they're the minority.'      This is just amateur babbling.... and a prayer that I can stop missing the point.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

the struggle is holy

Often when people hear that I'm a student, they ask how I can fit it all in.. how can graduate studies be integrated into family life? It's an interesting question, and its even more interesting that it is THE question or assumption often raised.

The truth though, is that fitting things together isn't nearly as hard as other elements of studying... right now, it's the content and nature of the studies that is the most challenging. The further I go, the more I read, the more inadequate I feel for this program and this work. Sorting THAT out is way more taxing than making sure I find time to write papers as well as spend time with my family and community!

A recent video on Alberta Prime Time, a news show, discussed the Canadian regulation of the field I'm studying - Marriage and Family Therapy. A psychologist was on the show as a guest, suggesting that MFTs don't require unique regulation because they are simply a different approach to providing therapy, one that can be encompassed within existing regulations. The Canadian president of the MFT ass'n (she is from Manitoba!) disagreed, emphasizing the unique specialized training we receive about relationships and relational patterns.

Watching that video was like having a brick dropped on my head in terms of awareness about just what I'm pursuing... MFTs are uniquely trained to be ... relationship experts. YIKES!!

this realization comes at about the same time I am looking around at my closest relationships (in my own family and marriage) and seeing the flaws as if through a microscope. It's not that I ever thought we were perfect, its more that I am becoming equipped to see just how deep the imperfection runs. And quite frankly, all this realizing and examining makes me want to throw in the towel. Looking within makes me cringe and I doubt how much help I could ever offer now that I'm so keenly aware of how much help I need.

I'm reminded of my word of the year - TENSION. As always, my confusion and questions find some resolution in my faith. (resolution is different than SOLUTIONS!)

When thinking about this imperfection through the lens of faith, and considering the Kingdom of God that is already here and yet isn't here yet, I find comfort. When looking around at the brokenness and beauty that co-exist so profoundly around me, I find comfort. When realizing that all of life's depth is a breathtaking mix of good and bad, pain and healing, ashes and restoration, praise and mourning ... that TENSION between poles really characterizes the things that make our existence and relationships so meaningful.

i've been thinking about how important it is that we grasp both our 'image of god-ness' AND our 'wretched-ness'.

Here's a quote from a Canadian author and MD;

"So far as marriages go, ours has been firmly at what may be called the 'conflictual' end of the spectrum. We have worked things out, but it took decades and a lot of energy. In retrospect, we shudder at how hurtful and dark it felt at times, and particularly how our struggles burdened our children's lives. ... Our marriage is now something we celebrate. Our ships, having been tossed and thrown about on heavy seas, have finally arrived safely in the same harbor. But the storms took thier toll on our children. At the end of his delightfully candid 1972 essay, 'My Own Marriage', the great American pshychotherapist and teacher Carl Rogers wrote of the difficulties his adult children were having in their relationships.'So, our growth together into a satisfying relationship for ourselves has constituted no guarantee for our children.'" - Gabor Mate, MD


In one of my class discussion groups, we shared from our personal lives as we interacted with the content. One of us just looked up at the group after a deep and heavy pause in the conversation and said ... 'the struggle is holy.' .... it sure is.....

Monday, December 28, 2009

10 commandments for theology students

i found this today, posted on the blog of one of my profs at Briercrest Seminary. A very good read, kinda funny, and not just for those of us who call ourselves students...

My favorite? #6.. it addresses my growing confusion about people who think they 'own' god, and are the sole means of representing Him or defending Him on this earth.... and in so doing pervert and misrepresent the gospel and the person of Christ.

The one I'm most guilty of... well, all of them to some degree... but #10. If i go to a new friend's house, my gaze settles on their bookshelf and i cannot focus on polite conversation until I've thoroughly checked the books out. Our friendship with some folks in Hepburn developed because I found some intriguing books on their bookshelf and had to know more about our friend's interests and thinking...(yes, thats you, Wayne! - and yes, you are a theology student!)

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Having spent some 16 years now teaching theology at Briercrest College and Seminary, I offer the following “10 Commandments for Theological Students.” You might think of this as following in the spirit of the classic little book by Helmut Thielicke [pronounced "Tee'-lik-a"] entitled, A Little Exercise for Young Theologians.

1) You shall have no other god before God. I cannot bring myself to alter the substance of this first commandment. As Karl Barth put it in a famous article in 1933, the first commandment is in fact the first axiom of all theology. In other words, theological students must never forget that God is the central object of our study in theology. As important as Scripture, tradition, history, and ancient texts are, in the end, theological study that forgets that theology is about God has already lost its way. In short, the first commandment for theological study is to remember that God is a Subject who freely gives himself in Jesus Christ as an object of our study and reflection, but that a proper response must be finally one of worship–worship before the Incomprehensible, Immeasureable Holy One who cannot be captured in our words, sentences, and theological papers, and yet who condescends to be known by sinning humans. We dare not forget this most important of all axioms: The focus of study for theological students is–God. Yes, theological students will face the demands of long hours of poring over the biblical text, memorizing Greek conjugations, deciphering the difference between enhypostasis and anhypostasis, and learning how to do exegesis, homiletics, and administration. But a faithful theological student should never forget that all of this is for naught if theology is not ultimately concerned about–God.

2) You shall not create a theological idol. Anyone who engages in formal theological study for any amount of time realizes that one’s preferences for some authors, scholars, theologians, or exegetes tend to narrow significantly over time. This is, at least in part, the practical reality of the theological disciplines: No one can master or read the work of everyone even within a narrow sub-discipline. Consequently, we tend to have our favorites. Now, if you simply don’t know me all that well, you probably won’t know that my favourite theologian is Karl Barth. Yours might be N.T. Wright or John Calvin or Augustine or Walter Brueggeman. The point is, beware of allowing that favourite to become a theological “pin up”–an idol, to use the biblical parlance.
True, I have no problem confessing my great admiration for the work of Karl Barth, and I read him more than any other theologian. But I also have learned that the best way to avoid idolizing a theologian is to read the opponents as well. For all my disagreements with Brunner, for example, I think that at several crucial points he had things more clearly thought out than Barth. And that helps me to remember that for all his genius, Karl Barth, too, was a sinner and was, like us all, prone to error.
But most importantly, see commandment #1 above: theological study must finally be about God, not about Barth or NT Wright, or John Zizioulos, however thankful I am for these faithful scholars. Unfortunately, it is the case that sometimes theological students become “experts” on theologians and scholars and consequently miss the main point of all theological study: to know God and his benefits, and to proclaim him to others, like us, in need of his grace.

3) You shall not take the name of other sub-disciplines in vain. It is almost inevitable that theological students will eventually assume that their chosen sub-discipline (whether systematic theology, historical theology, biblical exegesis, pastoral theology, church history, ethics, liturgics, or some other sub-discipline) is in some way superior to all others. At such points, it can be easy for theological students to become contemptuous toward students in other disciplines; but this should not be so. For in the end, the compendium of theological disciplines is analogous to the Body of Christ: Every member ultimately needs the other, even if we might secretly think that some parts are more honorable than others. Theologians need exegetes, and exegetes need historians, and historians need ethicists, and ethicists need homileticians. Rather than peering/sneering down our noses at those in other disciplines and scorning their work, I would encourage you to learn to discipline yourself to read at least one book in a discipline not your own for every ten that you read in your own. You might be surprised that those in other disciplines have something to teach you!

4) Remember to put to rest–temporarily–your critical theological skills while worshipping. Since the object of inquiry in theological study is ultimately none other than God himself (see Commandment #1), theological students must learn the discipline of worshipping God while temporarily suspending their newly emerging theological critical skills. This is especially important when the sermon is being delivered Sunday morning. Though you might see all your pastor’s exegetical fallacies, call into question his intertextual references, and be puzzled by the lack of good homiletical structure in his sermon, you must learn temporarily to put to rest your critical acuities, and try to remember that like everyone else gathed together in the Lord’s House on the Lord’s Day, the Person on display is God in Jesus Christ, not the pastor or the worship leader or the Sunday school teacher. You have, after all, come to worship God and to hear from him, not to assign a grade or write a critical review. Of course, your training will inevitably train you to see theological problems. That is a good thing. But remember that God has appointed pastors and teachers to have spiritual charge over us, and theological discipline includes the ability to learn from even imperfect preachers. Because after all, you may well be one of those imperfect pastors and teachers yourself someday as well.
Oh, and while I’m at it: Remember the exhortation from Hebrews 10:25: “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” For some reason, theological students can be easily deceived into thinking, “I study Scripture and think about God all week long. I don’t need to be involved in a local body of believers on Sunday as well.” This is simply wrong, and I encourage you to resist the temptation to be a “Bedside Baptist” during the course of your theological study. If anything, regular involvement in a local church keeps our feet grounded in the community where the theologically educated are most needed. If there is a suspicion amongst the rank and file church goers of our day about formal theological education, it may in part be because of how often theological students account for so many of the empty spots in the pews on Sunday morning. The logic may be flawed, but it is hard to avoid the connection that so often, theological students are the least likely to be in Church, so therefore, theological education must be bad. Don’t contribute to that flawed logic. Be in Church next Sunday!

5) Honour your theological fathers and mothers. At one level, theological students simply need to learn to respect and honour the wisdom of their professors, even at times when it sounds like they might seem to be completely off-base and, indeed, theologically suspect in comparison with one’s pastor or mentor back home or favourite theological author. Don’t get me wrong here: I’m not saying that theological professors are perfect–by no means. I know too many of them myself, and I happen to see one in the mirror every morning when I shave! But beyond honouring your teachers (they, after all, have typically committed something like 8 or 12 years after high school of study to prepare for their role) be sure also to honour your theological fathers and mothers back home as well. It can be an awful show of disrespect, after a year or two of theological education, to begin to look down one’s nose at those pastors and elders back home who may not have had the same privileges you have had, and to begin to judge them harshly for their lack of theological and biblical sophistication. In such cases, never forget that it these same “simple” pastors and teachers and elders and parents back home who are truly your spiritual fathers and mothers. It is far too easy to become a theological critic; it is far more difficult (and, to be sure, the sign of theological maturity) to be able to appreciate and still learn from those from whom you may have already passed in theological sophistication!

6) You shall not verbally, intellectually, or rhetorically murder your theological opponent. For the most part, theological students seem to manage to avoid physically killing one another in the heat of a theological debate. (Although in the history of Christianity, there have been some exceptions!) But my experience tells me that almost all of us (including me) will not hesitate to pull out all the stops in the heat of a theological argument. We will use every resource at hand to squash (”metaphorically murder”) our opponents. It is during those intense moments of theological debate (which, by the way, I happen to think can be very healthy) that we needconstantly to check ourselves to make sure that it is the truth that we are after, and not simply the desire to win the argument at all costs. To paraphrase the Apostle, “If I decimate my theological opponent in the pursuit of truth, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging symbol.” (Cf. 1 Cor 13:1) Unfortunately, in 17 years of providin theological education, I have more than once seen Christian fellowship broken over what really amounted to either a trivial, or unwinnable theological argument. This isn’t to commend avoiding theological arguments at all costs: Indeed, we probably need more theological debate these days than less! But always remember that ultimately, the goal of a theological argument should be more often irenical than polemical: It is for the building up of the Body, not the utter destruction of our theological detractors.

7) Do your utmost to stay out of bed with the “spirit of the age.” In 1 Tim 4:1, Paul warns, “the Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons.” This is one of those commandments that is of uttermost importance to heed, but so easy to fall into breaking. Just as we live in an age where we are bombarded daily in the media with images and suggestions to follow our base sexual desires, so, too, theological students enter a realm where daily (or at least more often than the average layperson) there is a temptation to chase after the latest theological, philosophical, or cultural fads–all in the name of being “theologically relevant” or “up to date” or “theologically sophisticated.” Of course, it is not always easy to sort out which ideas are truly “things taught by demons” from “the truth of the Spirit.” Subtlety is, of course, one of Satan’s own tools of deception. Most of us are not caught off guard by the obviously false things, but all of us are, from time to time, tempted to get into bed with the spirit of the age, and to commit theological adultery.
So how do we avoid this falling into this temptation? Well, at one level, this is what theological education is all about–learning to discern truth from error, and to use Scripture properly to make those judgments. But in the end, keeping commandment #6 means, at least in part, learning whom we can trust, and that means listening to the wisdom of teachers whom you know have demonstrated a consistent walk with the Lord, and from whom you can also learn. Oh, and pray a lot, too! As the ancients used to say, “Lex orandi, lex credendi” [The Law of Prayer is the Law of Belief].

8 ) You shall not steal time from others which is rightfully theirs. You might have thought that the eighth commandment for the theological student might be a good place to mention something about plagiarism. As all students quickly learn, it is an academic sin, whether in Christian or secular settings, to steal ideas from others and to call them your own. That’s a good thing to remember. So don’t plagiarize!
But I think that far too often, theological students can easily end up stealing something other than just others’ ideas. What? Their time. Speaking from personal and painful experience, I did two theological degrees while married, and I can without any pride at all confess that sometimes, my theological work simply was an excuse to steal time from my wife–time that really was rightfully hers, but which I justified as being not as important as time spend studying theology. Fortunately, I have an awesome and forgiving wife who has taught me much (though I am still learning) about what it really means to give of one’s time for someone else. Practically, this means that even though you are doing something really, really important (I can’t think of many more things more important in life than to set aside a portion of one’s life in focused study of Scripture and of the knowledge of God), being a theological student does not give you license to steal time from your spouse or family. If you are married, it is better to end up as a “B” student with a strong marriage, than an “A” student and divorced. In short, be prepared to resist the temptation at times to steal time from your loved ones, even though the studies you are engaged in are all about God. Here I think of Malachi’s lament:
Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. (Mal. 2:13-14)
We may think we are pleasuring God with our wonderful theological papers and argument, and I want to affirm that indeed, God is pleased with such offerings when offered in faith. But such offerings can quickly become a stench in God’s nostrils when we break faith with our spouses in order to produce them. It is then that, fearfully, the Lord will act as a witness against us. Lord, help us!

9) You shall not misrepresent your opponent’s theological position. We all have theological opponents, and we seem to get more of them the more we engage in theological study. But theological students must learn the very difficult discipline of speaking and writing truthfully of the position of those with whom we disagree. The problem is that the opponents we most want to debunk are likely guilty of breaking this commandment themselves. The reason we are so adamantly opposed to them is because they have misrepresented us, or our favourite theologians or authors, in some way. So the temptation is to fight fire with fire. Rather than carefully showing where our opponents are indeed right on some accounts, and wrong in others, we have a built-in carnal desire to present their work as something reprehensible and utterly false. Philosopher’s call this “constructing a straw man.” Biblically, it simply is called “lying” or “bearing false witness.” While theoretically, it may in fact be possible that there are utter liars and heretics writing and teaching out there, those aren’t usually the one’s that concern us the most. Indeed, it is the ones who have elements of truth in what they are saying that we can be the most tempted to label and libel. On the contrary, the sign of theological maturity is the ability to concede and acknowledge the truth of parts of our opponents’ arguments, even while patiently recounting why the other parts of their argument are faulty. Unfortunately, such an approach takes great patience, lots of time, and a great deal of Spirit-enabled love–something that most of us are in all too short supply.

10) You shall not covet someone else’s library. I may be speaking only from personal experience here, but I suspect that a common temptation, especially among theological students, is to surpass your neighbor’s library, either in quantity (”I have more commentaries on John’s Gospel than George”) or at least in quality (”Henry may have a lot of books, but most of it is fluff! I only buy books of enduringvalue”). This isn’t to say that you ought not to buy books. In fact, I have a hard time understanding how some students (and even pastors) are proud of the fact that they have so few books! Books are, after all, the tools of the trade for those seeking to be engaged in the ministry of the Word. But those same necessary tools can so easily become a snare and a trap. We see our neighbor’s library shelf, or the latest theology text, or yet another book on Barth (guilty!) and we think we need to have it. Let’s face it, folks: This is the sin of coveteousness more often than we may care to admit.
So what am I commending here? I’m not saying stop buying books, but I am saying, get in the habit of counting to at least 10 (or 20 or 30!) before plunking down the cash for yet another book. I speak here of one who is guilty of having many too many books on my shelf that I have not yet read! Or better yet, see if you can borrow the book from a library instead of buying it. If after reading it you still think you need it, fine–go ahead and buy it if you can. But don’t get trapped into buying books for the sake of buying books. Take this from one who has been learning this lesson the hard way over the past years!

[Permission is granted to repost this text is granted, provided it is included in its entirety and proper attribution is given. D. Guretzki, 2009]

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Narrative

Some themes just pop up over and over it seems.

'Narrative' is one. Sometimes i hear about it in the theology context, reclaiming the whole redemption story as just that.. a story...

sometimes in the therapeutic setting, where we practitioners are supposed to be skilled and curious conversationalists.

I am excited to be learning narrative therapy! I read about narrative all over the place.

Here is a new blog I found today, so I linked it to the blogroll on the left. The linked post is about narrative practice.

enjoy.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Words

Do you love words? I adore words. I like words alone on a page, compiled in a story, spoken in prayer. I like words that build, words that describe, words that affirm. I think i especially like words that surprise. They're such useful things, words. Oh.. songs. words set to music. There are so many gifts to us through words and language, yes?

I am right now writing a paper on a fascinating book; Marva Dawn's 'Talking the Walk'. The reverse concept she's playing on with her title is of course Walking the Talk. I long for more rubber meeting road... more putting our money where our mouth is... Are you like me? - a little cynical of theory because of the absence of practice?

Marva's way of talking about the title and content of the book says this (among other things): 'during the last century, english speaking christians have been stressing that we should 'walk our talk'. -that our way of living should match the values that we espouse. That christians don't act on what they know and say is still a problem, for the passivity of wealthy societies keeps escalating.'

This wise author is a favorite of mine, and this isn't my first paper on one of her books. One of my great sadnesses is that I won't go to Regent and learn from her. Jess - are you taking anything from her?!

She says that she compiled the essays in this book because God is the point. Of Life. And somehow, using a language that isn't corrupted and stained, or made irrelevant, or overused and diluted, ... finding ways to redeem damage done - all this will help that fact (that God is the point) be better understood and more known.

She even refers to herself as a corrupter of God's name in the intro to the text. This resonates with where I dwell a lot these days:

"I corrupt God's name still more by forgetting that every person I encounter bears God's image, that how I treat the passers-by and wheelchair pushers and janitors and military guards ... will reflect that corruption if I don't pay attention."

This post isn't only about a great book I'm reading and writing about. Its also a confession.

I have not honored words well in many, many conversations. I have resisted (and it was deliberate!) conforming my language to the 'churchy' expectations I encountered after becoming part of the Christian subculture. I became part of this culture because of a choice to re-orient away from self and towards Christ. i soon realized that not only was I converted to Christ, but also to this whole new expectation of how I should act.. right down to how I said things!!. I've stubbornly (there, I said it!) tried to be converted only to Jesus... not something else. (I think I was shocked to discover that Jesus actually opposed legalism.. so I vowed to oppose it too!)

But, today, as I read Marva's beatiful treatise about words, about liturgy, about their POWER and BEAUTY... I was converted. I am repentant about the way my language may have been corrupted (by whats in me) and contributed to corrupt interpretations. (about God) (Those abound, don't they? I don't have to support them any more than I already do just because I'm stubborn!)

Marva Dawn quotes Confucius who wanted to 'rectify names' as an approach to leadership. Lets be people of our word. Lets say what we mean and mean what we say.. and do nothing that brings our word into question.

Also, lets realize the far reaching implications of our words.. a hebrew term for 'word' is also used for 'event' - our words are powerful behavior shapers! They really do become actions...

Saturday, October 10, 2009

the tension - not wanting 'me' to be more important than 'us'

Have you ever felt pulled in different directions? I have been wrestling lately. Who am I to believe something different than what I've been taught? Who am I to act in ways that haven't been modeled to me? Who am I to be different?

In class last week, we had this discussion about being 'neighbors'. A quote from an author named Rowan Williams was the centrepiece of the discussion;



"instead of being concerned about one's neighbor,
be occupied with one's own faults."


This is a helpful idea for the counselling field; we must always be taking careful measures to avoid judging, assuming, not believing the best about clients. That's probably why this quote was highlighted for us. And it is a good reminder to not compete, criticize, or compare ourselves with others.

But for me, I had this picture in my mind of someone with a neighbor on either side, one neighbor needing mercy and love, the other neighbor full of condemnation and judgement for the needy neighbor. This idea illustrates the tension I feel each day as I observe situations and realities in the community I live in and as I reflect on the lack of understanding for this reality that I've always been surrounded with. What is the friend in the middle to do, how does s/he 'be a neighbor' to both neighbors? If s/he's only occupied with himself (or herself) and feels reluctant to address the harm being caused by the judging neighbor, is s/he really a neighbor to the needy neighbor? Or to either neighbor? If s/he does speak out, isn't s/he also judging? The outcome of the discussion with my classmates was that engaging with both neighbors in loving ways might lead to confronting the harm being done, and that this is indeed a neighborly pursuit. hmm. It was a lively conversation, one that got a lot of us thinking.



Just today, I re-read my last post and thought about how I might be saying something negative about my friend's family. I talked about how he jokingly referred to being taught to fear those different from himself. I was feeling bad because I didn't want to hurt or offend by being somewhat critical of teaching children to fear others. THAT is the tension, right there. I want to criticize our society (not my friend or his family), but a culture that says its okay to be fearful and protective at the expense of people and relationship. Its not okay! Its not okay to elevate 'me' over 'us'. And if you look around (with seeing eyes), you'll observe the hefty price being paid by many ... But at the same time, how can I be critical of anything when I have so many faults? How can any of us point fingers anywhere but at ourselves? And furthermore.. how do we go around pointing fingers at people and things that we are totally familiar and comfortable with? How do we change, how do we address the wrong we do each day and the ways that our own actions perpetuate and create the very things that we become so fearful of?


Sometimes, I leave posts at this point. I just ask questions, but don't offer anything else. Mostly because I usually have more questions than answers... but this time, I am going to push the envelope even further than I already have....


I'm gonna suggest that personal change is essential for all of us. We have to personally take responsibility for the ways we've judged, condemned, isolated, marginalized, oppressed, silenced, ignored, pushed aside ...... we have to take responsibility for the society we have created and the tremendous harm that is done all over the world because of our self involvement and complacency.

Structural changes can make a difference when personal changes have preceded them. They fall flat when they're expected to make a difference by themselves.



Could you take more responsibility for 'us'? That would be so good for community. That would be so good for the world.



The Parable of the Good Samaritan
Just then a lawyer stood up to test Jesus. ‘Teacher,’ he said, ‘what must I do to inherit eternal life?’ He said to him, ‘What is written in the law? What do you read there?’ He answered, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbour as yourself.’ And he said to him, ‘You have given the right answer; do this, and you will live.’
But wanting to justify himself, he asked Jesus, ‘And who is my neighbour?’

Jesus replied, ‘A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell into the hands of robbers, who stripped him, beat him, and went away, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road; and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan while travelling came near him; and when he saw him, he was moved with pity. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, having poured oil and wine on them. Then he put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him.

The next day he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said, “Take care of him; and when I come back, I will repay you whatever more you spend.”

Which of these three, do you think, was a neighbour to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers?’ He said, ‘The one who showed him mercy.’

Jesus said to him, ‘Go and do likewise.’

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

too many topics

Sometimes it feels like I have not much to say. This isn't one of those times. I have had so much in my head recently I have had to stop and make notes just so my brain wouldn't overflow.
So this post is just a conglomeration of things I've been wondering about lately, a 'pot-pourri' as my pastor would say. (and he'd anglicize it and make sure to pronounce the 't'.)

  • i spent last week learning. i really love the mod format for seminary classes where I study. its good to have 'intensives' - it means that other times are less intense. or at least it's supposed to...
  • on the way home i picked up two hitchhikers. I know i learned a lot from class, but the things i learned from these two young people were just as relevant, methinks. They liked to talk, and they indulged my curiosity. We talked all the way from Regina to Winnipeg. They termed themselves 'travelling kids' and they had all sorts of underground info about how to 'borrow' transportation. They taught me that the Arlington bridge in Winnipeg got here by accident; it was actually constructed for the River Nile. Yup. These two have hopped trains and hitchiked all over North America. They aren't interested in playing by the rules or cooperating with any systems, they just want to do their own thing. And they don't want be judged for it, but they know that they frequently are. hmmmm. I really like picking up hitchhikers. I always feel sad when my car is too full and I can't manage to help someone out. When I was asking a friend about his hitchhiker-picking-up habits, he jokingly referred to growing up in a home where 'he was taught to fear people who are different.' hmmm. Thats sad, hey? My son happened to be there for that conversation, and I was reassured that he is not being raised to fear those who are different than himself. So, I learned from the hitchhikers AND got a point on the my-kids-might-just-be-okay-in-spite-of-me scale. :)
  • Releasing and embracing: this may become a post of its own - but for now, I'll just touch on it. As I grow in my understanding of what it means to be a therapist, I realize that there is much to embrace and much to let go of. For example, I know that I need to embrace a more moderate approach. I am solution oriented.. I have a struggle to sit with people and patiently explore patterns and situations. I just want to be FIXING. THis is not the role of a counselor. On the other hand, I'm letting go of my task-orientation in order to pick up a more affirming, patient, non-anxious orientation. I like that. I look forward to growing in this area.
  • One of my favorite people visited me for a day on campus and a sleepover while i was at caronport. What a treat! I so enjoyed the time together, the sharing of life - deeply honest talk about struggles, joys, beauty and pain. I know I talk about relationships a lot in this blog, but they really are my most treasured 'possession'.
  • For one of my pre-class assignments, I had to write about a book called 'The Doctrine of Humanity'. I may be a Masters student, but books like this are beyond my brain power. But somehow, some seeds from this text captured me. I found myself thinking about individualism and collectivism. (is that a word?) I have been praying to be free from 'individualism'. I don't want to be concerned with myself to the exclusion of others...
  • life is good. It is full, it is not easy, but we are doing very well these days. We continue to adjust, to settle in, to question, to pray.. and we are blessed.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Equifinality

Have you heard the term "equifinality" before? I hadn't until recently. I learned it in one of my counselling texts.



"Equifinality is a 'crucial construct among theories... what it means is this: if your ultimate goal was to fly from your hometown to Chicago, you might simply hop a non-stop flight from the nearest airport directly to Chicago. Equifinality, or 'equal finality' suggests that you could ultimately arrive in Chicago by less direct or less efficient means.... For example, you could fly from your hometown to Miami, then go directly to Chicago. Or, for an even more convoluted trip, you might might go from your hometown to Paris, France. Then instead of going directly to Chicago, you might decide to stop in Los Angeles first. And once in LA, you might decide to check out New York city, by way of Canada, and THEN go to Chicago - your ultimate destination. No matter what the route, the goal was accomplished. Of course, the most energy and time efficient method was the direct flight to Chicago." (from Counselling Addicted Families, Hagedorn and Juhnke)
This description, and its application to counselling theory and life in general (at least for the purpose of this post), reminds me of a memorable and meaningful C.S. Lewis quote Lisa shared with me:
"You may be sure the Landlord has brought you the shortest way; though I confess it would look an odd journey on a map." (from Pilgrim's Regress)
For someone who values efficiency, learning to appreciate the value and opportunity found in 'equifinality' is tricky and requires genuine discipline. I actually have to catch those things in my mind that are going in a certain direction (efficiency!) and re-route them to incorporate this radical (to my way of processing information) new information.
Simply stated - There is value in the changes and challenges that cause us to feel side-swiped. There is something to be gained from the unexpected, from the inefficient. And really, why am I so concerned with efficiency anyway?
There is something profound about letting go and not managing things to look the way we think they ought to. There is something profound about being open to another way. I've managed to type this whole post without using the c-word. (control) - but I think its an important concept towards grasping equifinality.
There is something profound about being genuinely okay that I don't already have it all figured out.
What do you guys think?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

story


Other posts have referred to the fact that I'm excited about studying counselling from the perspective that is emphasized at Briercrest. One of the things I'm most looking forward to learning about is the concept of narrative therapy - the idea of exploring 'story'.


We had an amazing night with old friends tonight, and as I snapped a few shots of us around the dinner table (at Star Grill Conservatory.. great atmosphere!) I commented that Trena and Bren should be in one together, because they've known each other the longest. (since grade four!)


As the evening continued, I was reflecting on all the ways we've each been part of each other's story. We've contributed to one another's lives in many small ways, but it all adds up.


I know for sure that who I am today is somehow tied to the ways these friends (and lots of others) have spoken in to my life, ways I've learned from them, or ways that they have supported Bren and I.


Story.. so much a part of who we are.


** I'd love to post a pic or two, but in all the transition, I have yet to find a camera cord! :)

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Better World Books


In my search for cheap textbooks, I've come upon Better World Books. They have a lot of the books I need for upcoming classes, and they are committed to some great things in addition to profit. For now, they'll be my first stop. (another site, www. abebooks.com is great for used text books in particular.)

I've added their blog to my blog list on the left; check them out! There is currently a twitter contest where you sign up to follow them and tweet about their contest and are entered for FREE BOOKS!! Who doesn't want free books!?

Friday, June 12, 2009

an inexperienced attempt at combining therapy and theology

The counselling program that I'm in has an emphasis on 'the family system'; which means that it takes an approach to therapy that views the individual as someone who is part of a more complex system. The approach assumes relationship is at the heart of who we are, and starts there. (in a couple of years I'll be able to articulate this much more clearly!)

This model makes sense. So, the family is a 'system'. We don't become who we are in isolation.


Class this week discussed what happens when a wrench - addiction - is thrown into the system. Research has shown that the whole thing responds in some predictable ways. (never black and white, never absolute, but still a valid presumption)

As the 'system' responds, it has some common goals:
  1. coping.

  2. normalizing, finding a stability.

  3. maintaining the stability.

Everyone plays a part in working towards these goals. Everyone knows they have a role to play and inherently understands the goals. This is the fascinating part; we respond with gusto and creativity to 'remedy' or 'address' the situation. We don't talk about it (a given) - we just do it.

Here's where I had a bit of an aha! moment today. As we -the system - attempt to make the best of it, to 'deal', we're revealing our resemblance to our Creator, whose image we bear. We're taking something broken and doing what we can to respond to it. Our motives reveal the longing for wholeness that was poured in to each of us by our creator - its part of the basic recipe. Unfortunately, our best efforts can only result in an illusion of stability, health. But what we're doing in our humble little attempt is a mirror of what God is doing with any part of the situation he's been genuinely welcomed into.

Our attempts to deal, to cope, to stabilize - they in fact keep the whole thing broken. They keep the cycle alive and feed it so that it continues to grow worse and worse. Unfortunately, addiction doesn't tend to stabilize - its nature is to worsen. I don't think there is such a thing as a stable (active) addiction.

When God's creativity and gusto are genuinely invited in, its entirely different. He can redeem. There are no illusions - it is through Him that the circumstance - or parts of it- can TRULY become more whole, can reveal beauty. Can bear fruit, even.

I don't feel as though I'm doing any justice to this idea, but as I was sitting in class today, it just dawned on me how closely what we try to do mirrors what God really can do with our circumstances. (I'm sure this idea applies to a lot more than families and addiction, too!!) This post is less about addiction theory and more about redemption. I'm not an expert in either of those areas ... but this seemed worth sharing. I'm invested in the idea of hope as it relates to addiction for lots of reasons. Mostly, though, I just love learning new things about how creatively God works, how near he is, and how unwavering is his commitment to us.

***********************************

Some lyrics came to mind as I was chewing on this idea...from Made to Worship (Tomlin)

When You and I embrace surrender

When You and I choose to believe

Then You and I will see who we were meant to be

He has filled our hearts with wonder

So that we always remember

You and I were made to worship

You and I are called to love


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Noticing

I must admit that I've spent most of my life being an un-noticer. Sort of oblivious; preoccupied. If it was necessary, I would take note, but only of the relevant parts. Just the straight goods, and don't waste my time with the rest. Nope, no inefficiency here.

It has been a discipline of the last year or so to pay better attention, to notice more. I've been 'strengthening my inferior functions.' (based on the advice of my MBTI coach.. Andrew.. do you even read this blog?!)

This week, while at Caronport, I've taken a couple of long walks. my journey of noticing has been paying off.. I was noticing so much!

the sun's warmth. nature sounds. water dropping.

kids laughing in the distance.

thoughts... how difficult it is for me to 'sit with' things, how uncertainty diminishes peace.



space.. around me. in my life. beloved prairies.

revelations. awareness.

a bird taunting a cat. over and over, swooping down each time the cat loses interest.

the breeze.

The trans-canada highway bustling by this quiet, serene little hamlet.. travellers from all over going somewhere important.

spring buds. color.

contrast.


Friday, June 5, 2009

Addiction?

“I am not being flippant when I say that all of us suffer from addiction. Nor am I reducing the meaning of addiction. I mean in all truth that the psychological, neurological, and spiritual dynamics of full-fledged addiction are actively at work within every human being. The same processes that are responsible for addiction to alcohol and narcotics are also responsible for addiction to ideas, work, relationships, power, moods, fantasies, and an endless variety of other things. We are all addicts in every sense of the word.”

This quote comes from a book I'm reading called Addiction and Grace, written by Gerald May. By Sunday night, I have to write a reflection on those words.. in preparation for Monday's mod. week. I'm on the way to being done already ... but I'm still very interested in the response this quote elicits in you folks reading. What do you think? Is this a narrow understanding of addiction? Or an accurate picture of humanity? Or perhaps just our society? I've asked a few of you in conversation and the response I've already heard is intriguing enough to make me curious to hear more of your thoughts.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

jungism

Anyone who wants to know the human psyche will learn next to nothing from experimental psychology. He would be better advised to abandon exact science, put away his scholar's gown, bid farewell to his study, and wander with human heart throughout the world. There in the horrors of prisons, lunatic asylums and hospitals, in drab suburban pubs, in brothels and gambling-hells, in the salons of the elegant, the Stock Exchanges, socialist meetings, churches, revivalist gatherings and ecstatic sects, through love and hate, through the experience of passion in every form in his own body, he would reap richer stores of knowledge than text-books a foot thick could give him, and he will know how to doctor the sick with a real knowledge of the human soul.

Carl Jung

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

What the random?!!?

Just a few random thoughts as I sit here in Caronport...

  • have you looked at the 43things site? i love the idea of a life list.. that you can add to and modify .. and a site that inspires you with lots of great ideas from others ....

  • a few thoughts/stats from my learning this week - did you know that of the people who do prenatal testing and learn that they are having a child with Down Syndrome - between 80-90% will terminate the pregnancy. This brought tears to my eyes. And have you heard of 'partial birth'? I had not. If you have not, consider yourself lucky.

  • Have you ever thought of FAS/FASD in the same way as you think of Down's Syndrome? Although one is avoidable and one is not, from the perspective of the affected person, they are the same. Have you considered the staggering effects of FAS/D in certain communities - I was realizing today that its sort of like compound interest in the way that the initial circumstance multiplies exponentially with each generation. Staggering. I'm starting to have some new realizations.
  • *** the same as in something that must be coped with every day but was never asked for..
  • In case you haven't heard, our house hasn't sold. aaarrgghhh!! We really hope it sells soon! Two more open houses this weekend...

  • Soccer season has started.. O is wearing GOLD cleats ('Boots') this year. He is really loving the game now! I am sad that I have to miss his first three games :(

  • I had forgotten how much I enjoy group fitness classes. Step classes at Bethany are awesome, and its too bad they are over for the season! Boot camp was not awesome. My favorite group class ever was called 'turboKelly' - I took it at the Polish Club in Winnipeg (Main and Machray-ish?). Sydney came with me and also loved it. (not!)

  • Speaking of fitness, I have allowed myself to be way too stressed for the last two years - its amazing how different my body is as a result. (plus aging, sleeplessness, constant cold/flu ... all that good stuff.. )... But, I am committed to undoing what I let happen. THats my public declaration - it creates a small bit of accountability! I have also set a goal of cycling 500K this summer!

  • Syd turns 12 next week. It feels like shes been 14 for the past two years! We are thinking about doing a Hepburn scavenger hunt as part of the celebrations... should be fun. She loves her birthday, and thinks it should be a weekend long party. Perhaps even a national holiday.
  • Have you ever visited the Marriage and Family Therapy website? Me either. But I've been there a few times now as I consider the program I'm in at Briercrest and my professional future. Check it out.

This is my amazing niece, Ally. She is only 11! These photos are from her first dance competition. She's not only an amazing dancer, shes just an all around amazing kid!

  • I was reading a devotional book last week that defined the word SELAH in the Psalms as 'pausing to praise'. This season is so ripe with 'pause-worthy' things... buds forming, landscape beginning to turn from brown to green, children outdoors biking and playing, ... and my favorite - prairie fields being prepared. I can't wait for the 'mint chocolate chip' colors that will emerge after seeding! I'll end this post with a wish for you to be finding many moments of contemplation, worship, and feeling overwhelmed with much praise!

****************************************************

From Psalm 46

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

Selah


Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Selah


"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Selah