I like to think I make lots of room for the spirit, that I resist rock-solid conclusions and emphatic positions about things. I like to think I'm pretty open ... but sometimes, I just have to shake my head and realize how mysterious and crazy the whole thing is, and that every day is supposed to have surprises!
That happened twice this week, both (not surprisingly) at the Vineyard drop in for local residents and community members.
On Tuesday, I was chatting with Blackie (I'm actually using his real name because he told me I could and he likes for his stories to be shared!). We were talking about his friend, how he was doing, then he suddenly started blinking repeatedly. I was sort of alarmed, but not really since he does blink a lot. So I said 'blackie, whats going on with your eyes?' The rest of the converstion went like this:
Blackie: 'I'm looking at you like you look at me.'
Me: Huh? 'blackie, what are you talking about?!'
Blackie: 'you know, how you look at me... you SEE me. lots of people look at me and they see nothing. They see through me. I can see you seeing me.... Like this. (more blinking)"
I still wasn't totally sure what he meant, but I was beginning to realize there was something profound going on in this little conversation.
Me: "Whats different about the way some people look at you, Blackie?'
Blackie: "Its not some people, its the christians. They see me. (like this.. more blinking!)." " I can see in their eyes that know Jesus."
Me: "So is is something like Love? You feel love from them?'
Blackie: "I don't feel it, I SEE it."
So, that conversation happened on Tuesday.
There was drop in again this morning.
After a while, I introduced Blackie to my son, who was home because he refused to go on a school field trip. Fine, we told him, but we promised it would be no bucket of roses if he stayed home. (He is outside picking up garbage as I write this!)
Their conversation went something like this:
me: blackie, this is my boy.
Blackie: (pushing a chair out) "Sit down here, Kelly's son. We're gonna have a meeting. (points to me) You - sit down too. I have some things to say."
Owen: sits down with eyes wide and a face that says 'oh, shit, what have I gotten myself into?!' (I don't know for sure, but maybe at this point he was wishing he was in St. Boniface with his schoolmates?!)
Blackie; "I see you, boy. I see you have a whole life ahead of you. Don't do what I did! Dont get into gangs. Don't be a bully. Be always kind."
Owen: yup...
Blackie: "and listen to your parents. You don't listen do you? You like it going only your own way?"
Owen: looking at me with confusion.. "I guess..."
blackie: "I can see your heart... and its torn. You gotta let that go!" .... "Why is it angry in your heart?"
I continued to sit there, unable to escape the feeling that there was something deeply significant and deeply spiritual going on. Blackie shared a lot of himself and his story with Owen. He talked about his problem - being an alcoholic. (again, I'm not sharing out of turn here, Blackie likes to share and talk honestly with people. He'll be open and real with anyone!) He talked about the dangers and realities of life 'on the street.' He talked about prison. And he told Owen that it starts with being angry and not caring about others; not listening to no one. At the end, Blackie wept as he hugged owen. He left with these words: "don't think you can't end up like me, and don't think that angry feeling is going to do you any good, 'cause it ain't!"
I daily remember Nathan Regier's advice to always be on the lookout for beauty in what many people think are unlikeliest places!
I realize every day how much more there is to know about jesus and the ways he is at work.
So, this wasn't an intentional lead in or anything; but it seems appropriate to share about an upcoming event. Winnipeg centre vineyard is hosting a conference next month called What Love Does. Blackie will be there, he is already anxious to share his stories with people from all over Canada. There'll also be a workshop about communal living put on by the residents of Flatlanders Inn!
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