reflections, raspberries, and God speaks...

I had a great opportunity to hang out with a very young man over the weekend. (I was babysitting a 3 year old) His visit was so timely, and was occasion to 'tie up' some things that have been going around and around in my head for quite some time. Some explanation...

Before we moved to Hepburn, our kids were just starting to move towards greater independence. Owen had started biking to friends houses who lived a few blocks away, Sydney was growing in her interest and ability to make some of her own plans and decisions. Moving from the inner city to a small village opened the door to way more exploration and independence on both their parts. We just had the first year where there were no sitters needed for inservices from school, and they've spent a summer with many unsupervised days. How did we get here so fast? And there was so much I still wanted to do and teach them while they were really little, I didn't get the chance....
Clearly, I haven't exactly been embracing this 'increased independence' concept, so the whole year has felt like being asked to let go of something I'm not nearly ready to admit exists, never mind let go of. My young visitor provided the context for me to get over it!!.... As I watched my kids interact with him a bit, Owen gave him a big hug, and the familiarity he had with this little guy was heartwarming. Sydney played and read with him, and he followed her around asking lots of questions, which she patiently answered, giggling at the language of a 3 year old. I suddenly realized my kids are in a stage where they need less 'care' (in some ways), and where they're learning and preparing more and more to care for others. (I know this will be a long stage!) And .... maybe its too early to say, but I feel okay with it - finally!

Another reflection:
I was picking raspberries over the weekend, and I noticed that only some of the bushes produce fruit. I remember learning that raspberry plants produce fruit only every 2nd year. I was astonished, now that its late in the season, to notice that the 'fruit bearing' bushes are looking pretty grim by now. They're exhausted, tired, worn out. Not only is the fruit gone, but the leaves are dried up and the branches are spindly. They look as if they've become totally spent in the process of bearing fruit. ... The bushes that didn't produce any berries this year, however, look lush and healthy. They're downright robust. Not a raspberry in sight, but beautiful, fruitless green leaves and healthy branches galore! Hmmm.

And a final thought:
Monday, I took the day off. I wanted to hang out with the kids before school starts. I also promised myself that I'd have healthier work habits this year. I ended up having one of those really yucky upsets with my son. (Not the day I envisioned!) ... The kind where I needed to ask his forgiveness, but I had really been pushed beyond any reasonable boundary testing to a ridiculously unacceptable place. In our house we're not supposed to say "I'm sorry, but (insert reason why I don't truly have to take responsibility for my actions here). " We're supposed to simply say "I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?" However, I found myself saying "I'm sorry, but... " I guess parents have that prerogative?!?! Anyway, a few miserable hours went by, while a very sorry boy spent some time actually reflecting ... and then demonstrated genuine repentance. It had a fragrance (just a whiff, but it was unmistakable!) of maturity. The kind I don't think I've seen before. The kind that is necessary for real understanding. Wow. I really wish it was easier to get to those places. I wish there was a map that gave us really clear directions, avoided all the bumpy, rotten, stinky spots and arrived at the sweetest, perfectest destination, without any scratches, bruises, upsets, or scars. I haven't found that map yet. Until then, I'll take the messy stuff that leads to the Wow! moments. Just maybe not everyday.... !

So three little reflections that pretty much summarize my times and talks with God over the last few days. Sometimes, this is how He speaks. Through little visits, tiny interactions, young people, messy situations, creation, broken places, gentle guidance ... all coming together to say: "I'm here.. I'm with you... "