the prison of 'should'

Striving.  Feeling inadequate.  Not being enough.  We feel like its universal, here in the West. (spoken like the world traveller I am not!)  

Or, maybe this is more my experience than yours.  Maybe I've spent way more time feeling trapped and imprisoned by 'should', 'ought', 'supposed-to', and 'expect' than the average person. Or maybe we're blind to the bars around us?  Could it be that we're numb to trapped feelings because we don't believe there's another way?

Maybe I'm thinking about this because I'm becoming healed of it.. a little.  I think it could be due to approaching middle age, or maturity, even! :) I heard myself say recently that I feel adequate in a certain area of my life.  Not a super star, not more or better, just adequate.  And quite contentedly so.  Huh.. I don't remember feeling that way very often.  Even more surprising is that  I am feeling a little more adequate in the place that I've felt least confident - being a parent.

Mark Buchanan, a Canadian guy, writes in his book about the Rest of God (Sabbath), that 'oughts are tyrants, noisy and surly, chronically dissatisfied'.        Amen!

Theres also the 'i am enough' project I've linked to before.

Over here at Flats, one of my favorite things about us is that we recognize ourselves as  non-cooperators with some of the social expectations that lead to feelings of inadequacy... I know thats part of the draw for me, this ethos of simplicity, making do, and no-frills necessary.  We don't have to feel bad for all that we're not, because we're not trying to be all that. The vision and underlying values of the place allow us to recognize that the pressure often comes from our own broken places, not some external influence.

We had a farewell party for our interns the other week.  The hot dogs were burnt, there was no advance decorating or gift buying, the focus was almost exclusively on relationship and reflection.  I was tempted for a little while to feel inadequate - I should have done more, prepared better, spent more time on  the event.  But then, I saw the trap - I was being invited into a prison of 'not enough-ness'.  Somehow, I left it behind and it hasn't chased me down!