moments of clarity

I've been having some moments of clarity recently.  Do you get those?  An insight where all of a sudden, your eyes see, something clicks, and your spirit says 'oohhhh... I get it!'

For as long as I can remember, my sisters (they often serve as an external brain or a mirror....) have been telling me that I am too focused, often seeming preoccupied, and that its hard to talk to me when I'm in 'that space'.  My husband , kids, and other family members nod knowingly and laugh, but still - I never thought much about it or took it seriously. Or if i did think about it, it went about as far as.. 'So?  ... Why is this a problem?'  (yes, I am that selfish!)

This week, the aha! came when a series of incidents all pointed to the same thing ... I am often not present, even when I think I am or when I really want to be.   Even when I think I've prepared myself, or I'm really looking forward to something ... there is part of me thats not fully there.  (This doesn't happen all the time, there are times when I am fully engaged...)

Last week, I knew my mind was moving too fast, and my day was way too full,  to enjoy a meal out with wonderful friends from out of town.  I was trying to quiet my head and focus.... but I couldn't.  And now I regret it.. I had to ask my friend for forgiveness because I was there, but not there.
 
So, all this is to say that I'm thankful for moments of clarity.  I'd love to hear if you've had one of those lately...
 ... I needed this clarity to be able to work on this in a meaningful way. 

a funny.

I've seen this before, and saw it again at Ryan's blog.  I've been reading his site lately, and its good stuff. Check it out if you can.
 Once upon a time I used to hang out with Ryan's brother a lot (or he used to come over and yell at my TV)... reading Ryan's blog reminds me of conversations and friendship that its nice to remember...

let forgiveness be my sword...

I went to a forgiveness ceremony at Thunderbird House today.  It's part of a journey towards a National Summit being held in Ottawa in June.  It was so inspiring and good.  As soon as I sat down, I felt like I was in a sacred moment, the sense of privilege was overwhelming.

About a year ago, Prime Minister Harper issued an public and sweeping apology to the First Nations Community for historic wrongs, most especially the Residential Schools and Assimilation policies that have done such extensive harm.  He also asked for forgiveness.

The June Summit being held in Ottawa, and the ceremony I attended today, are part of a response to that request for forgiveness.  A movement is afoot to encourage Aboriginal Canadians to let go of anger and to forgive.  To actively participate in reconciliation...

There were moving songs about redemption and unity, about the Creator who is honored when we forgive and hurt when we don't.  The oral tradition was alive and well, and we heard about forgiveness as an ancient teaching and a modern teacher, as a gift and a sword.  The people gathered were asked to release their right to judge and be angry.

We were reminded, in the place of Louis Riel's story, that the Metis People are a unique expression of reconciliation and 'New Canada'; that Metis leaders have unique and influential voices for our time.

The drum was played several times, and I learned from some of the ladies sitting by me that women were the keepers of the songs in days gone by.  Men went to hunt and might be gone for long periods, the women were needed to preserve and care for the tradition.

More info here.

Also, there is a service and potluck meal at St. Lukes on Nassau Street on Saturday (24th) night, 5pm.

Have you checked out the Truth and Reconciliation Commission?  There is a Winnipeg event being planned at the Forks in June.  Other events will happen across Canada in the year ahead.  This is something that would be important to attend for all Canadians.

The pamphlet I picked up today says these good words;



                         Releasing Forgiveness

Healing A Nation

Embracing Freedom

AMEN.

the church

Read Steve Bell's blog this morning... here is a quote about the church that struck me;

... Her flaws do not constitute her any more than mine constitute me, and I bet yours don’t constitute you either. It’s terribly important we own up to and amend for our weaknesses. But it’s also  important we don’t allow them to define us ...

A good reminder for me.. I am often disillusioned with the church, yet I always love her deeply and feel pulled in the direction of defending and building her up.

sisters

"The oldest sister tends to be the prima donna, the leader, single minded, self centred, the mother replacement, as well as the most responsible one.  In fact she cannot avoid taking responsibility for organizing the siblings and directing their activities.  She dispenses her worldly wit and wisdom, even if it falls on deaf ears. "

McGoldrick et al; 'Women in Families' 

Just wondered what my younger siblings would think of this quote ... for the record, I object to the stuff I don't like!

healthy people...

Counselling students can get awfully caught up in thinking about dysfuction and pathology.  Sometimes it feels like we're swimming in sick-ness - its all we read, write, talk about, especially when we have boatloads of papers to write and assignments to finish. (thats where I am right about now...)

So, its healthy to gain some perspective every once in a while.  Here are some thoughts about healthy human characteristics ... (straight from a biblical counselling textbook!)

• open and vulnerable approach to relationship, without need for defensiveness or self protection
• acceptance of pain and conflict as part of life and relationship - without withdrawing, spiritualizing
• ability to grasp the importance of timing and discretion with regard to conflict
• experience a marred, but real, joy - sadness because things are not as they should be, without expressing their disappointment as anger... 'groaning', but confident (see Romans 8:22)
• times of intimacy and awareness of God's touch and presence, anchored by long periods of 'quiet allegiance'
• not fearful of confusion, tolerance - even welcoming of uncertainty
• okay with struggling and failing
• know repentance, authentic repentance
• not controlled by emotional trouble (nor free of it)
• able to experience profound hurt or loneliness without repression or denial

"[these] are worthy of an image-bearer... I find myself hungering for this kind of life.  I want MORE than freedom from painful memories and repressed emotions.  I want MORE than understanding of how forces within my unconscious have been shaped ... I want community, community with God and others...."
            - paraphrased list above and this quote from Larry Crabb, Understanding People.

What do you think? Does this text resonate?

glowing

What are the things that make you glow from the inside?  For me, one of life's purest, simplest joys is waking up with my family in arm's reach - all in the same room!  It's the highlight of vacations that include hotels or camping.  I open my eyes and bask in it before I even look at the clock.  And my kids mock me for saying "I love being together" before I even say 'good morning'...

We've spent a lovely weekend in the bustling metropolis of Grand Forks, ND.  Our purpose was getting away, but also shopping - we all needed a few things so decided to come down and take advantage of the dollar at par while also spending time together.  We've explored TJ MAXX, Target, Scheers, and the local thrift stores (of course!).  I'm not really comfortable with the consumer emphasis, but I really needed some new runners, and I'm pumped about the pink Saucony ones I got at Columbia mall.  I also found an awesome running path near the university,  I managed to only get slightly lost... :)

We ate on the UND campus, at a local favorite called Red Pepper.  We had the favorite offering there - the grinder taco sandwich.  Mexican food is so good!

It's so good to get a little getaway.  Now we're even more excited about our July trip to San Francisco...

What are some of you planning for upcoming holidays?  What do you look forward to most?