HAAALLLOOOOOO

We have an empty building in our parking lot.  We once thought it'd be renovated it like  the one we live in has been renovated.  I called it a 'container for dreams' - an empty, unused, huge building has so much potential!  But a few months ago, it was decided that the building needed to come down.  It's been slated for demolition any time before winter for the last few months.

Beside the building - the yellow warehouse its called - was well used shortcut to Main Street.  Not only was it a short cut, it was a bit of a hang out space. (or a sleeping place if you're homeless)  Activities back there could be a little sketchy.  Sometimes, it was an innocent drinking party or some guys cutting the insulation off their copper wire before bringing it in to the scrap metal dealer. Other times, there'd be someone relieving themselves or couples having a good time - with hardly an clothes on.   I only had to 'walk in' on a couple of very bizarre sights back there before I developed the habit of saying 'HAALLOOOO' nice and loud when I entered from either direction.  Better if people know you're nearby, I decided.  What I wasn't prepared to do was stop using the short cut.  I wasn't crazy about my kids using it, though.

Local newscasts in our city have all been reporting the suspicious death - now called a homicide - of a 24 year old woman named April Hornbrook.   Her body was found in the area that houses our short cut to Main St. - beside the yellow warehouse, basically in our back yard. Any local news carrier has articles about the death, and CTV has Andy's TV interview in our memorial garden posted right now.

At our house meeting today, we opened up the discussion to see how our community is dealing with this happening right under our noses.   We wanted to create a space for processing and responding to this tragedy together.  It was a bit of a crazy weekend, investigators asking all of us what we'd seen, police tape all over the place, tv cameras poking into people's faces after church on Sunday - not a run of the mill weekend, even for us.  First on our minds are thoughts and prayers for April's family.  Twice today, we've gathered in small groups just to sit and remember this girl, to pray for her family, and to ask that God would help her family find a measure of peace and closure.  We've prayed for our neighborhood more than usual, because this crime was so very 'near'.  We've prayed for justice, mercy, healing, and grace.   Processing together is helpful, especially toward our desire to avoid becoming desensitized when there is a lot of crime in our area.

Mostly though, we have no idea how to collectively or individually respond well. What are you supposed to do when a murder victim is found in your backyard?  What is the best way we could be of help those who are grieving?  Is there a way we can care for our community in this time of sadness?  We'd love it if you'd join us in praying for April's family, for safety and healing in our neighborhood, and for us as we seek to respond well.

shame

ever feel ashamed of yourself?  I'm not talking about guilt here, not some fleeting ooops-I-wish-I-hadn't-done/said-that feeling.  I'm talking about shame - the deeper feeling that peeks out every so often and says accusing things like: 'you're not valid. you're a pretender. maybe you shouldn't have been confident.... where do you get the idea that you have a right to contribute? I'm not going to let you forget where you've come from, or that you're a poor excuse for a _______  .'

photography found at: http://www.orkut.com.br/Mai

A couple of weeks ago, I had an experience that was causing me to want to curl up and not be seen.  I was wishing I could hide inside my own skin.  The memory of it would come into my mind and I'd have to suppress the desire to run away, to go find some covers to hide under.  As if by running, I could hide from my own thoughts.


When I get into this space, I inevitably feel like the people around me don't have any idea what I'm experiencing.  And that they can see right into me. They've got their acts together, they wouldn't have anything to do with what I'm wincing at the mere thought of.


So, before our family holiday, I called up a friend (at 10pm!) and asked if she had any wine and a few minutes for me. She graciously said yes (to both requests!), and even thanked me for coming over! Then I  told one of my sisters my secret.  (I could only tell one of them,  it was all I could manage.)  My husband also knew.  And I gave myself space to cry - several times, because I've learned that in some mysterious and beautiful way,  crying untangles the knot that lives in my stomach in times of grief.  Both my friend and my sister told me that they understood it was a huge deal for me, this thing I wanted to hide from.  They both shared similar experiences. And they both loved me anyway. They both found ways to say that their perception of me was not altered, and they both found gentle ways to encourage me to let it go.


It wasn't long before the memory didn't have the same power over me.  I can think about it now and not want to hide or even wince.  Someone told me once (a therapist someone) that I showed signs of having been shamed - often - in my life.  She was right.  But, you know, those shaming patterns don't have to live forever.  Over the years, I've learned how to practice vulnerability in some pretty freeing ways.  And, I've been acting - with a great many stumbles - on some decisions about what and who will have power over me.  


The stuff thats happened over the course of my life - for a long time I wanted to bury it.  And finally, I just accepted that it was what it was.  And that I was going to keep having to cope with it; in new ways as I changed and as the years progressed. It wasn't healthy to believe that there would come a day when it would be behind me forever. I had to let go of the 'I've dealt with it' mentality and replace it with a 'I'm dealing with it' perspective. 


I like the way Petersen talks about living creatively together in Galatians 6; 'Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.'


This post was inspired by a site I found by reading the very worst missionary's post about Second Chances.  Check out this site - dedicated to gracious living and being people of many chances.
thanks for reading! don't be shy to leave comments.

summer holidays

Just returned from a fabulous week away with family.  Every summer, myself and my three sisters - and our families, and our dad - rent 3 cabins for a week.  It's so much fun and we make such great memories.  The families are mixed up between the cabins, the cooking and cleaning are assigned so we all get a chance to work together.  We have lots of traditions, tasty food, and fun activities to look forward to every year.  Lisa keeps us organized with a three page spreadsheet about meals and clean up, and Syd usually helps with the shopping.
Here are some photos of our time this year - we tried a new spot this year, Keystone Resort at Westhawk Lake in the Whiteshell.  It was a hit!! (beach volleyball on site, inground pool, ice cream store across the street, and gorgeous sandy beach just a short walk away - what more could you want for a summer vacation?)

Beach Volleyball was a big hit - especially early in the week when Joey and Dustin
 were with us!  Everyone played (even me, ONCE!). 
 It was super fun to watch, too.  
We have quite an entertaining family :)

We hug lots.  We're huggers.

A few of us on an after dinner walk.

Ted and Ally demonstrating dance moves.

The resort pool was part of the daily routine.  
I personally spent two FULL days lounging there. :)

Bren and I walked to Hunt Lake on a really hot afternoon.  
I had to give myself a make-shift shower before turning back for home.

The four girls - next year, April will be in this line-up :)

We had great weather and so much fun.  We need to find a new location next year - ideas, anyone?

poster from departika at etsy.com

We've really discovered this year that there is tremendous value in taking good breaks.  How do you take breaks?  comment and let us know!
Happy Summer,
kelly

BEAUTY - 5 minute fridays

Sometimes, I have a chance on Fridays to link over at Gypsy Mama and participate in 5 minute fridays.. a chance to write for 5 minutes about a given topic.  The catch is: no editing, no re-writing... just GO!

today's topic is BEAUTY, so I just looked at my phone and found three images that said something about beauty to me... maybe they will to you, too?

This is a nine month NA chip - meaning a friend of ours has been clean for 9 months!  He showed us this right after receiving it and he was pretty excited.  Watching his self confidence grow - both over time and in that moment ...beautiful.

Angels trumpet, right in our city at a public garden in a gorgeous park.  We go there just to see these beauties! (well, and some other beautiful things, too.)
We laughed in California last year when we saw them all over the place, in front yard flower beds and on boulevards. They're particularly gorgeous framed by the sky, no? .. even in spite of my low grade camera and photo skills, beauty.

My daughter was away for a few weeks, and she just came home. 
Family reunited -- beauty.
the realization that both of our eyes fill up with tears at the same time, and for the same reasons-- beauty
 Daughters loving little children -- beauty.
chocolate brownies, made with whole wheat flour -- beauty!

link over and check out some other posts!

summer conversations and holiday pics

here are some pics and an interesting conversation from the last couple of days ... I am up very early anticipating getting Syd from the airport. (and she woke me up with texts and calls from TO at 330am!)


niece: auntie kelly, lets go swimming.
me: OK!
niece: we have to put our bathing suits on first...and our life jackets.
me: K, I'll go change, be right back.
niece: I'm changing in the living room
me: I can see that...
niece: I'm gonna come change with you
(follows me)
niece: so you don't change in front of other grown ups, right?
me: ummm... ya, thats pretty much right.
niece: well, you would change in front of your sisters.
me: ya, I would.
niece: would you change in front of my dad?
me: no.
niece: but uncle brendan - you change in front of him?
me: yes, we're married.
niece: I change in front of anyone in my family.
me: yup...
niece: do you change in front of grandpa?  He's your dad.  He's in your family.
me: ahhhh, ... ummmm, .... Let's race to the dock!


Here's a few shots of our time in Lac Du Bonnet....

Just learned to walk!

 Summer fun!

about Holidays :)

A few weeks ago I started to feel those twinges of exhaustion and that sense that my energy just wasn't being replenished as quickly as it should - I looked at my schedule and realized I was pretty booked up at work and wouldn't be able to get any time away up til now - it seemed like an eternity back when I planned it.  But it has arrived, and I couldn't be more ready or more thrilled!  We've recently been relishing opportunities to travel or take breaks more than ever before in our lives, its become important to have times where the routine gets interrupted for a few days or even weeks.  And, it is so much fun to plan for and look forward to something. (Our trip to SF last year was such a treat, we still talk about it all the time - we all planned different parts of it, and I'm still so stoked about our public transportation abilities/courage!)

We were planning to go out to a farmhouse we know of for the next few days, but then our car was written off last week, so we weren't sure we'd even have a vehicle.  ... decided that we'd just do a few days of exploring our own city instead. (...and, we love Winnipeg that much!)  In the end, it turns out that we are picking up a new-to-us car tomorrow - a YELLOW one.  I don't remember the model, just the color :)
The plan for the next few days is to go to Lower Fort Garry, Ballet in the Park, take in an exchange walk and free concert, and then go to a cabin in Lac du Bonnet for Friday night and Saturday -oh, and the Folklorama kick off at the Forks on Sat. night (fireworks at 10pm!)
On Sunday, we pick up Syd, drop her in Regina and stay for a couple of nights at a bed and breakfast near Fort Qu'appelle. ( I heard that we should try hang gliding up there, but my husband suggested we just bike ride on the TransCanada Trail - its safer on the gravel path, with our feet and wheels firmly on the ground!)
Later on in August, we are looking forward to a week at West Hawk Lake with our family... and we've been saving for our first ever WINTER HOLIDAY  later this year, too!  That sandy beach and ocean image above IS going to become a reality!

Dear Ben: We are coming for a visit!

Our other big holiday news is that we just started a special savings account for our REALLY BIG plan - a trip to Europe in 2013 - the year my husband, our son, and I all graduate with various degrees and diplomas.  Its also the year Bren and I turn 40.  So, we're finally doing a little more than talking about that dream; and it feels SO good!
Hoping y'all are enjoying summer as much as I am.  If you're from Winnipeg, there is so much fun stuff to check out all summer long - free concerts downtown and on Corydon, folklorama coming up, jazz on the rooftop at the WAG, ... don't miss out!

rethinking proverbs 31

 Until now, I’ve believed that the woman from Proverbs 31 was the consummate traditional homemaker.  She is called ‘the virtuous wife’ in the KJV, a ‘woman of noble character’ in the NLT, the ‘capable wife’ in the NRSV, a ‘worthy woman’ in the NASB.  Directly from the Hebrew, ‘woman of abilities’ is my best translation. Today, I studied her again and learned a great deal – I saw her in a brand new light.

Proverbs 31 starts out with a king’s mother giving him advice. She’s cautioning her son not to neglect his responsibilities as king.  Her advice (in my very rough translation) is ‘women and/or booze will take you down, my son. Don’t let it happen! You have a job to do in this world!’

What is this important job the king and his future wife are to be committed to?

Speak out for those who cannot speak, and also for the rights of all the destitute.  Also, make sure you’re able to judge righteously, and defend the rights of the poor and needy (vs. 8-9)

If mom has her way, the king and his virtuous wife (assuming he finds her!) will both be committed to this purpose.  The relationship will include mutual support, not desperate clinginess. This woman won’t derive worthiness or identity entirely from her husband, and because of this they will both be able to contribute to their (joint) task with greater capability, resolve, competence, and purpose. This woman seems healthy and well rounded; she might embody what developmental theorists would call ‘resolved’ or ‘mature’  … because she knows who she is and has the ability to be selfless.  She has a solid identity, which paves the way for genuine intimacy, and opens the door for all sorts of good stuff to enter her home and life.

In the past I’ve read Proverbs 31 and seen a woman who kept it all together, did all the right things, managed her household, business, and other interests - while sewing her own clothing … and I thought I must be a disorganized schmuck.

Today, reading from the king's mothers perspective and keeping their mutual purpose in mind... i saw her in a brand new light.

** The images in this post come from an artist's blog called

Blue, Purple, & Scarlett.  **