more about mattering

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,

gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously

give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

our presence automatically liberates others.

- Marianne Williamson, in Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles

(I've also seen these words attributed to Nelson Mandela)

mattering

Source: pinterest.com

Every year a theme word seems to find me.  A word that describes something I've been observing in my life, in my thoughts, in the environment and relationships around me. It becomes my word of the year.  It kinda emerges from stuff around me and informs whatever might be ahead of me.

The word this year is 'MATTER'.  

As in YOU matter, I matter, WE matter.

Our stories matter, too. 

It's so easy to marginalize people and ideas and stories. Its so easy to push aside our own sadnesses, our victories, our defeats, our resilience. It all matters, but we treat it as insignificant. We do it to ourselves and we do it to others.

Whether it's through my counselling practice or other areas of life,  I've been realizing how common it is to feel overlooked, how often we overlook ourselves, how easily we discount our experiences or our feelings. We label and judge our own and others' behaviour and actions. I find myself being attentive to it lately, wondering why some things get to count and others don't. Why it's easier to believe crap about ourselves than courage?  Why do some events or beliefs carry more weight than others? Why is it so easy to rob dignity from others and their experiences, to say that it doesn't matter?

When I started thinking that MATTER was the new word of the year, I was reluctant about it.  I didn't want to be self-centred or individualistic. 

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that when we believe that we matter, we are more likely to find our purpose and connect with it. We're more likely to live as if it's NOT just  'all about me and what I want' when we believe that we matter. How's that for irony? When we're feeling invalid and unworthy, we're more likely to lose our way and get off track, focusing primarily on ourselves and getting our empty tank re-filled. 

Knowing that we matter equips us; not knowing it diminishes us.

MATTER is my word of the year because I want to continue growing in my understanding of mattering.  Other words like significance, belonging, confidence are similar, but somehow the essence of mattering; believing that we/I matter - that's what has been speaking to me lately. I'm looking forward to how this word will continue to shape me, my practice, and my relationships in the year ahead.

Other 'year words' have been decentered (2010), tension (2009), sustain (2008), and clarity (2007).

from http://dynamiccollaborations.files.wordpress.com

Foxy fun

A Free Press article inspired me to try something fun and spontaneous today. I read about the Foxy Shoppe on the weekend, and stopped by there (at 87 King St.) on my way home from a meeting downtown this morning.  Supporting local businesses is important to me, so I wanted to check this place out...

As soon as I walked in, I met Pamela, who owns the Foxy Shoppe (I think her last name is Fox).  I told her I was feeling a little flattened from a few  challenging things happening simultaneously in my life.  She told me that I'd come to the right place.  I guess she was right because I left with a spring in my step and a little giggle under my breath.


From the outside, the Foxy Shoppe looks like a lingerie store.  But its so much more... I tried on a vintage style dress WITH A CRINOLINE!!! I cannot tell you how fun it was to put that dress on and spin around in front of the mirror!  I also tried on this blue number because Pamela said it was a great colour for me.  I think she told me I was lovely 6 times during our short time together.  Her soft spoken little kindnesses were timed just right!


This store is all about fun, fancy dresses and lots of things to help women feel confident and fun. What caught my eye about the article in the Free Press was that the store wants to help women feel good about being women, celebrating all their curves and femininity.

I am definitely planning to return, and next time (since I now know what to expect) I will buy a fun party dress. (Lisa, if you're reading this, I'm hoping that New Years Eve could be a wear-your-new-party-dress kind of affair?)

I hope some of you Winnipeggers will go visit the Foxy Shoppe and support Pamela.  Her blog tells a little bit about her dream for this little boutique, and I hope our city could help it be one of those dreams that comes true.

You can like The Foxy Shoppe on FB - there are giveaways on there every once in a while and updates about new inventory.  Stop in for a browse around when you're in the Exchange. Just so you know...  apparently they are getting a lot more dresses in over the next couple of weeks.

oh, and by the way, if you're someone who asks about where goods originate, you'll be happy to know that Pamela is committed to buying Canadian or continental wherever she can.  She even has a couple of local designers showcased in the store. The fact that she does  her purchasing with a conscience sealed the deal for me, I know I'll be back!

be not ashamed

This is from Brene Brown's blog called Ordinary Courage.

Sometimes, I wonder whether we want to integrate the whole of our life experiences or only certain parts.  Are we selective about what we 'let show' about our history, bringing some parts out and making sure they're on display like some people do with their fine china? Do we  lock other parts up behind a door under the stairs where no one will accidentally come upon them?

I think Brene is on to something here, and I think it looks - practically - like forgetting about fine china and hidden closets and just owning that whatever is behind us and within us all makes up one life.  Trying to separate and be choosy about what gets seen is never going to be something other than incomplete and partial. 

She hits the nail on the head - if we are only letting certain parts of ourselves and our stories matter, we are going to miss out on some of the best parts of human experience; love, belonging, joy .... probably some others, too.  Or we're only getting a small glimpse of those experiences ....   It's only by embracing the vulnerability of being our real, complete selves that we can hope to enter into the fullness of of being human.

grow (5 minute friday)

Its 5 minute friday, according to the Gypsy Mama.  I haven't done one of these in a while.. today's prompt: GROW.
The idea is to write for five unedited minutes about the prompt, and not worry about how right or good it is, just WRITE.


go.


 I found out this week that I am a right-brain thinker, and one of the characteristics of that is being drawn toward and captivated by symbols, ideas, and images. Here's one .... 

Oh! May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope! (Romans 15:13, the message)

I am enamoured with that concept of green hope. Budding, peeking out, fighting to survive but destined to make it, stronger from the struggle .... I'm especially captivated by the knowledge that I follow and trust a god who can be described as the God of green hope.  In one of my readings this week, I found a few paragraphs on the theology of hope. I think it said something about never forgetting about God's intention to offer hope and to work out restoration.  Do you ever see that picture in your mind, God as gardener, pruning and tending, making sure that nothing interferes with the new thing, the green bud that is springing from a seed of restoration he's planted in you, in your life, for this time and season?  
Maybe take a second to pause and imagine it.  What is the seed that is coming to life these days in your life?  What buds are forming in your transformation?


GROW.


Check out more 5 minute friday posts.. 

finding community

most times, when i mention community on this blog, I am referring to Flats, because my family lives 'in community' with lots of other people. (btw, Matt has been blogging about community lately, you should read his blog.  its more interesting than mine ...  and he wouldn't be caught dead using this font over there, either.)
but today I'm paying respect to another kind of community and location ... my school community.  I've studied at this great seminary in a little town about 7 hours from my home for the past 3 years. I come out here by car, plane, or bus, stay in a dorm or someone's guest room, and settle in for a week of classes.  Usually I have a couple of months post-class to complete and hand in the assignments and papers.  There's usually some intense reading and writing beforehand, too.  My program requires 25 classes + an internship.  Thankfully, I had a few under my belt before I started, and I've been able to do a few by distance.  I met with my advisor today and confirmed that I only have 6 left! (and a major project.....)  I personally think we should get at least 2 degrees for this amount of work; two of my friends in health care recently started their Masters programs and they only have 7 classes to do in order to get their degrees.  But I digress.... I wanted to talk about community, not whine about academic injustice.  (Have you ever noticed that I can find a way to label just about anything as injustice?)
I remember when I was accepted into this program, aside from the shock and overwhelming insecurity, I also knew how important it would be for me to feel connected and how hard it would be to feel isolated.  I worried about how on earth I could find any type of community when I'd only be on campus a handful of times/year. Somehow, though, connections did emerge and relationships did happen ... I have a pretty good routine of people and places to visit, classmates to coffee with, people to round up for a meal at Boston Pizza in Moose Jaw, friends to play games with.. its seems unbelievable that it happened and I always feel so thankful that it did. At the same time, I wonder what I was worried about.  As so often happens, things have a way of working themselves out and we usually needn't preoccupy ourselves with the worries we do.
I have met some tremendous people over my years at school, and each time I'm here I find myself marvelling at the kinds of people from all over North America (and further!) that I get to study with and learn alongside.  My life has been shaped not only by studies and profs, but also by fellow students - many of whom I have shared great dialogue, openness, encouragement, and challenges with.  It probably helps that I study with a bunch of soon-to-be counsellors, we reach out to each other pretty easily, and our class content and role-plays often mean that we get into each other's lives and stories quite a bit.
I'm in the homestretch (I'll only be here 5 more times, including graduation) - I can actually see a day when I will have my life back from the massive time and energy consumer called 'never ending school work'! But part of the reason I'm writing this post is because I want to remind myself to savor this last leg of the journey ... being a seminarian and a graduate student has definitely changed me and the course of my life and I'm really thankful for all the people and events that have been part of that journey.
(or maybe I actually wrote this post because I am harbouring a secret hope that one Thursday soon I will get to be seminarian of the week... ?!?!?)

picture post

its been a while. Here I am in Caronport again, and I can usually manage to find a little time to post when I'm here at school. I figured I'd give a little picture post of some things lately ...

This is one of our neighbourhood friends, who has created some art.  His work is being displayed in our artspace gallery right now.  The show is called 'Falling Leaves, Flying Geese' and it ends tomorrow.

How Do You View Yourself?

This is my most recent creative piece.  This is what I do when I want to make some sense out of chaos and confusion in my mind.  I am a collector of images and words, I store all sorts of little scraps in a special place.  Then when I need to sort myself out, I put them all out in front of me and find the ones I most identify with at that moment, and consider what is drawing me in ... As this piece came together, I found myself (as is often the case lately) trying to sort out my self perception in relation to events in my life. This picture was taken before I fixed a doily onto one side of it - the doily represents the ever present expectation that I be soft, subtle, quiet, and complacent, not a boat-rocker,  - you know - feminine, nice, Christian .... . I used my purple glue stick to smush glue into the folds and cracks of the doily to get it to stick.  I did it on the top side, so it would show and mess that doily all up. I guess I wasn't feeling very girly and nice that day.

We had a worship Sunday at church. The creative work above was started right in the service.
I love when Communion is part of the church service.  I love seeing how all sorts of different people respond to the sacredness. When I hold the elements in my hand, I see afresh the miracle represented in each one. Each time I take communion is a new conversion, a chance to confess my devotion to Christ and my need for grace.  A chance to reflect on all the ways I am shaped by the God who is present, who is available for communion.

It was my son's 16th birthday recently.  We celebrated at cafe 22, one of our favourite local restaurants. My husband can't turn down an invitation to arm-wrestle our kids' friends.

I spent all day yesterday on one of these... not going to Cleveland, though.  I traversed the Canadian prairies, going into every small town on the highway. A ride that takes less than 6 hours in my car takes 12+ in this beauty.  But I got lots of reading done, and had a $14 lunch (just a sandwich, onion rings, and a coffee!) at a truck stop.

This is my attempt to redeem my photo taking
sklls by making it look like a graphic novel ... I know, I'm just silly.

... after a day on the bus, I was very excited to go for a brisk walk, even though the roads were icy and it was very dark.  Mostly because I wanted to wear my new winter hat!  Or because I had been sitting on a bus all day ....

So, these are a few musings from lately.  I'm still planning to move over to Wordpress because of the comments issue. Maybe I will work on that a bit this week.

PS: This is my little exercise plan for this week.  It takes about 6-7 minutes. I can't seem to find the energy/motivation to exercise in my normal life these days, but away from home I seem to have all kinds of energy to do this!

I'm still doing modified pushups, btw.