Words

Do you love words? I adore words. I like words alone on a page, compiled in a story, spoken in prayer. I like words that build, words that describe, words that affirm. I think i especially like words that surprise. They're such useful things, words. Oh.. songs. words set to music. There are so many gifts to us through words and language, yes?

I am right now writing a paper on a fascinating book; Marva Dawn's 'Talking the Walk'. The reverse concept she's playing on with her title is of course Walking the Talk. I long for more rubber meeting road... more putting our money where our mouth is... Are you like me? - a little cynical of theory because of the absence of practice?

Marva's way of talking about the title and content of the book says this (among other things): 'during the last century, english speaking christians have been stressing that we should 'walk our talk'. -that our way of living should match the values that we espouse. That christians don't act on what they know and say is still a problem, for the passivity of wealthy societies keeps escalating.'

This wise author is a favorite of mine, and this isn't my first paper on one of her books. One of my great sadnesses is that I won't go to Regent and learn from her. Jess - are you taking anything from her?!

She says that she compiled the essays in this book because God is the point. Of Life. And somehow, using a language that isn't corrupted and stained, or made irrelevant, or overused and diluted, ... finding ways to redeem damage done - all this will help that fact (that God is the point) be better understood and more known.

She even refers to herself as a corrupter of God's name in the intro to the text. This resonates with where I dwell a lot these days:

"I corrupt God's name still more by forgetting that every person I encounter bears God's image, that how I treat the passers-by and wheelchair pushers and janitors and military guards ... will reflect that corruption if I don't pay attention."

This post isn't only about a great book I'm reading and writing about. Its also a confession.

I have not honored words well in many, many conversations. I have resisted (and it was deliberate!) conforming my language to the 'churchy' expectations I encountered after becoming part of the Christian subculture. I became part of this culture because of a choice to re-orient away from self and towards Christ. i soon realized that not only was I converted to Christ, but also to this whole new expectation of how I should act.. right down to how I said things!!. I've stubbornly (there, I said it!) tried to be converted only to Jesus... not something else. (I think I was shocked to discover that Jesus actually opposed legalism.. so I vowed to oppose it too!)

But, today, as I read Marva's beatiful treatise about words, about liturgy, about their POWER and BEAUTY... I was converted. I am repentant about the way my language may have been corrupted (by whats in me) and contributed to corrupt interpretations. (about God) (Those abound, don't they? I don't have to support them any more than I already do just because I'm stubborn!)

Marva Dawn quotes Confucius who wanted to 'rectify names' as an approach to leadership. Lets be people of our word. Lets say what we mean and mean what we say.. and do nothing that brings our word into question.

Also, lets realize the far reaching implications of our words.. a hebrew term for 'word' is also used for 'event' - our words are powerful behavior shapers! They really do become actions...

breaking in..

i don't know if it is the vineyard influence or the result of learning about kingdom from tim geddert a couple of years ago, but i have been thinking alot about this idea of 'in-breaking kingdom' lately.

One of the tensions we wrestle with is the reality of the kingdom God being here and now (present) and there and then (future). The here and now part can be evidenced in glorious moments when something supernatural breaks in and overshadows some set of circumstances. Sometimes, these little inbreakings are like a spiritual experience, where something happens that just isn't logical, predictable, or easily explainable.

I had one of those moments recently, and it felt kind of like the hallelujah chorus should be playing in the background. I thought a specific situation was one that I'd be wading through for a long time, something that I'd be wrestling through and processing for an extended period. And it was heavy, a real burden.

But it was healed, removed in an instant. A moment of significant clarity and a feeling of aha! broke in, and that particular circumstance is resolved; off the radar. No residual angst or wondering, just a profoundly real and yet very ordinary experience of the love of God.

This isn't always the way it works, it isn't always the way God works, but in this situation, it was. In this situation He fixed.

Hallelujah!

word of the year

Sometimes it seems like lessons in various life circumstances conspire to teach you something. I started noticing this pattern in my own life a couple of years ago, which coincided with a new job at the same time .. so I came up with a 'word of the year' concept and tried to be really intentional about letting an idea that 'found me' continue to shape and teach me things over a period of time. I tried to be intentional about letting it inform my actions ...

Two years ago, the word was CLARITY. Last year, the word was SUSTAIN. It's amazing to me how relevant those concepts have actually been, and how they've woven through every aspect of my life! Hindsight reveals much, hey?

I realized this week that in spite of new circumstances, a theme has once again found me. This year's word is TENSION.

I'm learning that I've never really been okay with tension. I'm not referring to conflict here, but the tension that simply exists in life. Tension like the evidence of joy amid suffering. Tension like realizing that we can be mature and foolish at the same time. Tension that comes from feeling despair and hope in the same moment. Tension that is like coexisting poles. I've always wanted to opt for one pole and correct the other to be more like the one I prefer.

During advent I want to explore this more; in fact I can't think of a more fitting time to consider this topic.

If you have a few minutes, check out this Stanley Hauerwas video.

http://www.theworkofthepeople.com/index.php?ct=store.details&pid=V00684

(thanks jeff!)

how about you? - what themes have found you at the right time in your life?

ramblings about communal living

its been a while since I blogged.  I don't have a computer right now, so I'm using my Twaddle account on the Flatlanders common Mac.  (I think Twaddle was a word invented by a former flatlander to describe what happens when we go onto the computer for fun.. we twaddle away time.)  We each have a one hour slot each day.  Owen has already been on mine, so this post may be cut short...  its amazing how much life changes when you are 'unplugged' for an extended period of time.  I actually kinda like it.  My school work pile just grows and grows, though; so December will be a heavy and pressure-filled month!

Lots of people ask us (and not only us, but all Flatlanders) a few questions pretty regularly.  They go something like this: 

How is it really?

What do you guys do all the time?

Here are some thoughts in response to those questions:

• community living, or just genuine community period - is HARD.  It's also tremendously GOOD.
• There is a rhythm to our days and weeks that includes worship, prayer, fun, food, sharing responsibilities, talking about deep things, and just hanging out.  Amid the rhythm are things that pop up that we need to respond to.  The response-requiring things are often challenging, and each member of the community responds a bit differently.  Flexibility and self awareness are so important, as are an appreciation for diverse characteristics and a teachable, open spirit.  When these traits are absent, we all suffer.
• Addiction will rule the roost unless we're really intentional about how we respond to its presence among us.
• Acceptance of, and even appreciation for tension are required daily.  There is tension between personalities, between structure and the lack of it, between wholeness and brokenness, between isolation and vulnerability ... the list could go on and on.  My tendency is to FIX; or at the very least ADDRESS the tension.  I am learning to overcome myself!  Community is an exceptional teacher if we can tolerate the constant exposure.
• When I think of 'what we do',  the word presence comes to mind.  We are present for one another, or at least we try to be more often than not.
• Obviously, there are practical things we do.  We drive people to appointments, we go to court dates, we make banking changes, we facilitate experiences that encourage growth and understanding, we cook together,  we volunteer together, we work through issues together.  We talk about flashbacks and unfortunate formative experiences.  We go for walks and buy groceries.

As I evaluate the first quarter of our year of service, I cannot believe how much I've already learned.  This experience is so good, so challenging, so valid.

Thanks for reading, thanks for praying with us.

A Shameless Plug ...

Thinking about doin' a little Christmas shopping already?

Flatlanders is going to be doing some fundraising this year by selling coffee beans roasted in our very own kitchens. We're all helping out, following the lead of our resident roaster and coffee expert.

I wanted to let y'all know about our little micro enterprise well in advance... please email me at dvorak.kelly@gmail.com if you're interested in knowing more or placing an order...

One-pound bag of FLATLANDERS ROAST Guatemalan coffee beans

- $13-$15 -

(there will be a discount if you buy more than 5 bags!)

(I had my first cup this morning.. this is good coffee!)

family, community, home

Some flatlanders have been reading this book together called "Schools for Conversion: Marks of the New Monasticism." Its been delightful to read and share together. Last week, we read the chapter on Hospitality to the Stranger and found many parallels to transitional members we have in our community.
The chapter opens with a heartwarming story of a couple who struggle through a friendship with a mentally ill friend named John, who they finally end up inviting into their home, into their family. The journey begins when a stormy night finds them unable to abide his homelessness, his lack of safety and support.

"We were tormented. Surely we couldn't take him into our home, could we?

He smells bad.. but a shower would fix that. He's paranoid.. but who isn't sometimes?

He hoards things.. well, we have closet space to share. .. finally we realized the truth -

that John had become our friend, and that it would devastate us if anything

happened to him." (page 40)

The end of the story is so hope filled and inspiring... the three become a beautiful family, eventually sharing victories and life changes TOGETHER. Eventually, John's habits change, and his once destructive patterns diminish as a result of supportive, loving community. The circle is completed as John offers hospitality to others from a place of love and acceptance.

A couple of posts earlier this week highlighted the tension that is so apparent. What about the stories that are not quite so hope filled? What about when the 'family' is ready, willing, able .. and the 'John' wants desperately to embrace their offer yet ... can't? What about when the family is unraveling at expense of the offering, yet still knows that they would be devastated if anything happened to their loved one - so they keep offering and offering while 'John' runs away? What if they've sought him out, time and again, wanting to be like the shepherd who goes after the 'one lamb', but now the seeking has become all consuming?

What does it mean to truly offer dignity? How do we truly offer love and respect to all, even to the point of respecting the most destructive and unnecessary of choices? Another passage from a different chapter of this book comes to mind, where Shane Claiborne discussed Jesus' response to the Rich Man;

"I think it broke Jesus' heart to let the man walk away. The text says that

Jesus looked at the man and loved him as he walked away.

Jesus doesn't run after him and say, 'hey.. its a journey..

just give half.' He doesn't say, 'just start with 10%' ..

he simply lets the man choose ..." (page 33)

Granted this passage and claiborne's reference to it are not about offering radical hospitality, but still... what does it look like to respect the choices of those we love? And keep loving them? What if I was writing all this about my own child? would my internal process be different than it is because I'm writing about people who are not 'mine'? Should this be so?

I don't have answers to these questions.. only tension.

However, I do have this verse I've been meditating on and praying all week:

"... no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the human heart conceived, what God has prepared for those who love Him. - these things are revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God." (1 Corinthians)

those days...

I sit at the West K library, typing this post for the 2nd time, because my lovely computer has a mind of its own. And because its one of those days, blogger didn't autosave for the first time in history.

you know those days? ThOSE Days?! I've had two of them: yesterday and today! I'm supposed to be studying, but even though I finally have the opportunity, my ability to engage is less than nil. I've been more absorbed in the titles around me than what I need to accomplish.

For example: did you know there is a 'Thesaurus of Slang'? I need the humor, so forgive me, I stopped flipping through pages at the expletives section. Forgive me again, I laughed out loud. Quite entertaining... would you believe there is a FULL page of slang words for drunk? Here are a few:

illuminated, stewed to the gills, pissed to the ears, potty, muddled, six sheets to the wind, elevated, rumdum, full of Dutch courage, walking on rocky socks, ate the dog, blotto, put to bed with a shovel... and the list goes on and on... hehe!

I think i'd like to be walking on rocky socks right now.. I'd even just settle for that one tequila shooter I turned down a couple weeks ago at our jr. hi reunion... but the library folks in Winnipeg don't serve tequila on Thursdays, so I'll have to make do with the Americano I smuggled in.

okay.. I would like to redeem this post slightly. In that direction, I pulled the Encyclopedia of American Religious Creeds of the shelf. I do have several creeds to study for my Theology Doctrines class... But, come on! ... The creed for REASON is in there, as published in the constitution of the Gay Atheist League... okay, so that wasn't terribly redemptive....




The reason I elected to do a blog post right now is that I thought it might help me a) find the humor in the last couple of days and b) vent - so that I can focus.



So, indulge my self-centeredness here and let me tell you some of the events of the past 48 hours. I promise you'll laugh....

• My computer automatically shuts down at will. I am convinced that its from the games my kids play on it, but they laugh at me for suggesting that. So even in the blessed little time I manage to set aside for school work, whether or not I'll have anything to work from is a crapshoot. In the past 48 hours, I have spent about 4 hours trying to turn on my computer.


• My daughter was so absorbed in adolescent angst yesterday that she actually got out of the car in a parking lot and told me she was taking the bus home, that she was DONE with me. I sat there and wondered whose life I had mistakenly been inserted into.


• I'd love to tell you the whole story of my desire to have a workout today at the Y. But I can't stand the idea of typing it all out.. here are some of the elements that resulted in no workout despite trying to make a class at two different branches:

- since when does it cost $2 for an hour of parking in a downtown meter?! Have you ever wanted to go back to the people you constantly give change to and ask for a loonie BACK? I so wished I hadn't given away all my coins this week!
- I was directed to the aerobics studio inside the downtown Y by three different volunteer attendants, all of whom didn't speak a blessed word of English. By the 2nd time I came to one of them, she was angry at me for now knowing my way around. She actually grabbed my arm as I went into a hallway to explore and told me to follow the directions I'd already followed twice. I managed to suppress the urge to throw a tantrum, but I didn't ever find the aerobics class (at least not in time.) I am comforting myself by imagining the amount of calories burned in the act of resisting the compulsion to throw myself on the floor and cry.

• I wanted to find a coffee shop with wireless internet for the afternoon. I went in to this one place i remember frequenting in the past and it is now a catering service. Same name, same location, except you walk in and the seating area is barricaded off. Had to be today...
• One of my housemates decided that today was the day I should be informed of my flaws, at least as they rate on her measuring stick.
• Bren just called to let me know about a speeding ticket he got today. He tried to tell the nice officer that he was engaged in a year of volunteer service AND paying for his wife's education, and accumulating debt by the day.. but she gave him the ticket anyways.

There is actually MORE, but that is enough venting. I hope you're laughing. I think I'm ready to hit the books... if you actually want some advice about having THoSE days, check this out.