pick me!

I'm really pleased to be working with an amazing group of people on an upcoming Church Planting/Missional Communities event.  (well, about a year from now.)  I'm not sure what fluke caused them to pick me to help design this event, but so far they haven't identified me as the imposter I feel like!

I was supposed to deliver an inspiring thought to start our day long meeting this morning, and I was feeling about as inspired as a dirty sock both when I fell into bed last night and when the alarm went off this morning.

So, after I had made the coffee and gotten settled into our meeting space this morning, I shared with this group of leaders that I was sadly not going to fulfill this agenda item very well. 

I looked around the room, and asked the various denominational and church leaders if they ever felt like they were walking around in life with a big target stapled to their shirt.  If they'd ever felt like it was a day or season for people and situations to conspire to take free shots ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

Everyone seemed to know exactly what I was talking about!

So, we together reflected a bit on what a risky and exciting gift it is to lead.

the knowing nods around the table spoke of much sacrifice.

I was glad for the reminder that leadership is more about sacrifice than about many of the other things it is frequently likened to.

bleeding

In a recent issue of the MB Herald (highlighting the arts), there was a piece by a writer reflecting on his craft.  He said that for writers, writing is a form of bleeding... We need to get things out, and this is how we process .. writing.

I suspect that most artmaking or creative expression could be described as 'bleeding' by the artist.  But his words resonated with me because my form of expression is the same as his - words, writing.  That is at least partially why I have maintained this blog.  Some things just need to find an outlet, and sometimes this is it. 

Often a post is only a few ideas that I know fit together, but I don't know how until I start writing.  And somehow I am strengthed and calmed by putting words together, its an activity that helps me make sense of my life.   Sometimes it helps me be at peace when nothing makes sense. 

neighborhood economy

There are unique things about inner city neighborhoods and their economies. 

I don't know other cities as well, but some things are pretty consistent in other places I've visitied.  Take pawn shops - you don't usually find many of those in the suburbs.  They're a pretty important part of the economy down here.  They actually used to be MORE important, before the MoneyMart and PayDay Loan folks came in to offer a helping hand.  I can even remember back in the day when there were banks in the neighborhood.  But, they all pulled out some time ago.  There are some good corporate citizens out there though. 

But what prompted me to write this post is some of the more underground kind of stuff.  Did you know that you can trade in bus tickets (given to you by social services) for smokes?  Or cash?  Did you know that you can buy or sell single smokes?  Did you know that there are even local stores that will give you cash money for the frozen meat you got from the food bank or charity?  How about drugs - you can trade your prescription meds for street drugs.  And, just incase one of the local doctors is onto you, there are at least half a dozen walk in clinics within a few blocks.  Just go to another physician and complain of other ailments.  You can fill another prescription as long as you don't take it to the same pharmacy.  (but don't worry, there are even more of those than there are clinics!)

I'm regularly surprised by the stuff I learn by hanging out on Main Street.  But, one day earlier this summer, I was totally shocked by a new spin on the north end economy ...

I was waiting for a friend who I thought might be lost.  I found a paper bag with this note sticking out..

This is what was in the bag.

This neighborhood NEVER ceases to surprise me!

Although the content is questionable, I'd say this is North End economy at its finest... generosity, good will, and a desire to do a good turn for a stranger!

inviting and aesthetically pleasing?

aes·thet·ic   –adjective

1. pertaining to a sense of the beautiful or to the science of aesthetics.

2. having a sense of the beautiful; characterized by a love of beauty.

3. pertaining to, involving, or concerned with pure emotion and sensation as opposed to pure intellectuality.
 
I have struggled with what is 'aesthetically pleasing' much of my life.  I resisted 'china patterns' and other 'fine' things when we got married, considering them frivolous and unnecessary.  My home has been called eclectic by some nice friends who didn't know what to call a 'style' that was thrown together and relatively unconsidered.  I prefer dishes and patterns that are mismatched.  When making a purchase, I will invariably look for the 'imperfect'. All aspects of my 'style' consist primarily of things that 1) are practical, or 2) have some special meaning.
 
In San Francisco, I purchased a ring with a large blue stone.  Perhaps subconsciously, it reminded me of a ring that my mom wore... but consciously, I was drawn to it because it had three small greyish dots marring the blue stone - I loved most of all that it wasn't pristine.
 
I read somewhere that there is a Native American tradition of leaving a blemish in the corner of a handwoven rug - because the weavers believe that this leaves a place for the spirit to enter..  Interesting thought - blemishes invite something profound.  I wonder then, what does the pursuit of perfection and flawlessness invite? What does it resist?
 
Its a wrestle when I find myself liking stuff or style or outer appearances very much.  I don't want to notice or care.  I don't want to be influenced at all by some perception of beauty or style that has been sold to me like a bill of goods by my culture - I want to be impervious to it.  It bugs me how susceptible I am ... why did I want to come home from holiday with a piece of jewellery to remember the trip?  Why am I like that?!
 
When I am having this inner wrestle, I inevitably recognize the importance of the beautiful things that inspire and speak to us.  Our spirits and imaginations need provoking in enlarging and good ways.  Art, for example, deepens our  understanding of whatever  is depicted.  Cozy spaces help us to feel safe and warm.  Inviting decor encourages conversation, laughter, friendship.  A blue ring with an imperfect stone reminds me of a lovely family holiday,  of creative and talented street vendors who love their craft.  Imagination and beauty are undoubtedly essentials to our lives.  The wrestle for me is about where the line is.  As with all things, we are so good at finding counterfeits for the essential beauty that inspires us.  I want to resist my impulse to manufacture beauty, to grasp wildly, to settle.

summer reflections

Before I get into deep thoughts about summer at Flatlanders, this is my daughter ...  having so much fun during dance camp!  I cried at the end-of-week performance, which is a regular happening.  Yes, I am one of those parents!  ... but I wasn't crying only for the usual reasons of watching time slip by, being proud of my kids etc... mostly, I was responding to the amount of JOY that was present as she and her friends danced.  They were having so much FUN!  I'm so thankful for this influence in her life!

(So maybe this is a plug for her dance school!?!?)

I've been thinking of a post for a few days - it emerges from some reflections on ordinary stuff.   The other day, I was thinking about our garden.  Marvelling is maybe a better word.  The wildflowers grew without any attention.  Not a single weed was pulled or drop of water was ever given... just a combination of nature and our initial seed scattering.      The results are beautiful, inviting smiles whenever we drive into the parking lot.      The vegetables however, have required time and attention.  Pruning, pails of water brought out, pulling out the weeds.  And in spite of the attention, we still lost a number of plants.  Our tomatoes threaten to be more green and leafy than red and fruity.  A lot more tending could have generated better success.                                                                                     In my marvelling, I also felt a bit frustrated.  I was thinking about how these two principles - tending or letting go - are at play in life and in leadership.  I was wishing that there were instructions, maybe guarantees to  guide different decisions and situations.  When should we just back up and let things take their course?  When should we be diligently involved, gently prodding in a specific direction towards a desired outcome?  And why isn't our best good enough in so many circumstances?

Later on, I was playing Rummy - which, along with Cribbage, are the games of choice at Flats.  I was paying close attention to the discard pile, waiting on the Queen of Clubs.  I followed it's path into the hand of another player, and was focused on the opportunities I'd have once he discarded it.  I actually missed two other possibilities while I focused on only the strategy I'd decided on.  It was only later that I realized that I could have won the hand if I'd been less focused on my plan and more focused on what was actually happening in front of me.

After a while, I connected my thoughts in the garden and the developments in the card game.  Sometimes, we (I) get so focused on a desired path that we can be blind to other possibilities.  Beautiful wildflowers remind us how important it is let go and let things unfold - beauty that surprises us is somehow more beautiful.  And withered plants that were tended and cared for remind us that so little is really up to us.  Feeling like we're managing things well, that we're on top of the details might be more of an illusion than we'd like to believe .

After being in the garden, my hands look like this.  Grubby, stained and weary.  But in an earthy way!  A little scraped up, but revealing that they were working towards something, even if at the end of the day its uncertain how everything will turn out.  Somehow, that seems like the best end to these thoughts....   Happy Summer!

Travelblog - San Francisco

This is going to be my last post about our awesome vacation.  I'm compiling the kind of information I loved finding when we were planning our trip .... keep in mind that we are amateur vacation takers.  Until this year, we had never ventured farther than Alberta to the West and Grand Forks to the South.  In the past, if ever we had a few days off in a row, we would use it to 'get stuff done around the house'.  But we promised the kids a trip this year and found ourselves in San Francisco for 9 wonderful days!

Our 'DO List'

• Stay in a neighborhood for at least part of the time.  Public transportation is a breeze.  I'd suggest the Sunset neighborhood, since thats the one we visited.  It has great cafes and shops and is not nearly as touristy.  It's also really close to Golden Gate Park.
• I do recommend the Grant Hotel if you want to be central (very close to Union Square).  It is also close to the much less congested California Line for Cable Cars. (where you can get to the Embarcadero and transfer to a bus or trolley to Fishermans Wharf instead of going directly there)
• An absolute must is the City Pass - which was worth it for the transportation alone.  (never mind the attractions it included!)  Note that it doesn't cover BART, only city transit options.
• visit the Ferry Building area.  The market there is unique (you can get a coffee from Blue Bottle Coffee, with complimentary latte art!). There is an outdoor Farmers Market in the summertime -maybe twice/week? The street vendors there were the most unique and personable.  If you prefer the less touristy and crowded spots, this is a good substitute for Fishermans Wharf.  It's also a lovely place to spend some time just sitting on the pier enjoying your holiday!
• Visit Chinatown on Stockton, not only on Grant.  The prices in Chinatown (on all the 'I love SF' souvenir type stuff) are not really cheaper than the Wharf.
• Go to Alcatraz.  Book through this site well in advance...the evening tour was nice, but I think the daytime would be just as good.  The park tour guides are great sources for stories and interesting history.
• A MUST - take one of these tours leaving from Pier 41 - the hop on/off trolley tour through downtown and the wharf.  Try to get Ramon as your guide, your sides will be hurting by the end of your ride!
• Find your way to Ocean Beach at Balboa, near the Cliff House.  There is a path near the Sutro Ruins which leads right into the parking lot of the Legion of Honor.  Watch the signs there, and make sure to take note of which stairs to take back up.  This is so worth it, an AMAZING hike along the coast.  We saw dolphins playing in the waves as we walked!  For an even longer walk along the beach, start out at the end of the N Line on Judah.
• Find markets near where you're staying and get picnic foods to take along while you explore.
• If you only have time for one museum, make it the Legion of Honor.

Our DON'T List

• The Go San Francisco Card is a good way to get you into lots of different attractions.  But it is expensive!  It can become a dictator of your trip  - so get it if that's what you want.  Be very careful about which days the places you want to visit are open/closed.  We went to four different places in the middle of the week, only to find that they weren't open that day.  Especially the attractions in the SOMA area - they keep some strange weekday hours, so pay attention! Also, if you're getting this card, watch for sales.  We saw it on sale, didn't get it, then decided to get it when it wasn't on sale, then noticed it on sale again later!
• Our whole family found Six Flags Discovery Kingdom to be over-rated.  Maybe we are weird or our kids are getting too old, but we only spent a few hours there and had all had enough.  The food was VERY expensive ($18 for a coffee and three breadsticks!)  Also, taking public transportation to arrive is very pricey - over $20/person all told just to get there... but, the connections are very well timed!The lines for rides and shows weren't long when we were there, and the shows were interesting. (dolphins, whales, tigers)  I think we all struggle with the idea of animals in captivity for our entertainment/enjoyment...
• Don't try to fit everything in.. remember you're on holidays!  We were better at this some days than others. 
• Don't pass up the opportunity to use San Francisco's amazing public transportation.  Cable Cars, trolleys, subways are all easily accessible.  Unless you're going outside of the city, you don't really need a car at all.
• Don't worry about your workouts - just walk lots and don't avoid the hills!
• don't neglect the many homeless people in San Francisco.  Take some time to chat, hear stories.  Buy an extra water bottle or sandwich and make someone's day as you're out walking/exploring. 
• If you can avoid it, don't visit in July/August!
• An airport shuttle is about the same price as BART to SFO, and its more convenient.
• if you're Canadian, don't forget to watch for Westjet seat sales to San Francisco... if you're from Winnipeg, you might have to fly out of another city, though!

We'd recommend a SF vacation to anyone!

Be prepared for tourists EVERYWHERE! 

more SF

you never know who you'll run into in California!

that purple and yellow ride?  The Medusa - Syd and I went on it TWICE.

no words needed, ego takes up all the room.

tour guide.

beach day

fruit picked up from the farmers market at the Ferry Station at the Embarcadero

I took video of this for my nieces....

so these trains go under the ground AND over the ground?!?!

Bren:  Stand here by the REAL gypsy!